I'll try to link bg when I can. I'm on my phone.
I hadn't answered Dad's phone calls for almost a week. He woudl call 5 times in 15 mins, left a voicemail once (I've been calling you for 5 days! Answer me, sweetie!), he called DH twice while he was at work... So I answered today.
"where have you been? I've been calling and you haven't answered."
I know it's just hard to talk to you at the moment.
"why? What's going on what'd I do?"
-I'm trying to collect myself and then he starts shouting my name, demanding answers-
Yelling doesn't help at all dad. I'm processing feeling and things that happened in the past and it hurts to talk to you.
"you need to let go if everything. Stop holding grudges. Just let go if everything and be happy and move on. I know what this is about. You need to forgive Osis for your kids. It hurts my soul that you two dont talk!"
It hurts me so much that you call this holding a grudge. I am doing this for my kids. I look at dd and I just can't believe how you didn't protect me.
"what did you want me to do?! Take you to work? Quit my job? I know your mom and Osis hit you, but I couldn't always be there."
-for some reason he started talking about how if my DH ever raises a hand against me, as long as he's alive he'll find some one to hurt him too..?-
Okay dad. Where was all this when mom was hitting Osis or when they were hitting me?
"I WASN'T ALWAYS THERE!"
You were The time I defended myself against Osis and you just left me there with her.
"you have such great memory of negative things... I-I made a mistake. I acknowledge that but I can't go back and change things. You need to see that and let go."
I'm going to say a few things and i hope you can at least understand that. An abuser's feelings should never be the concern of the victim. If I EVER reach out to Osis, it'll be when I'm ready and not because everyone is forcing me to. There are too many things that shr said and did, you cant expect me to forget all of those years from one day to the next. the fact that I'm working on forgiving her and accepting that I'll never get an apology from her doesn't guarantee reconciliation.
"she has apologized! She told me-"
No dad. That wasn't an apology she blamed me. She blamed ME and said her actions were my fault.
-he started sobbing after. Somewhere in there he complained that I didn't call him for his birthday. He says he won't call me anymore, but that I can call him, his phone is always on, he loves me and to send pictures of the kiddos every now and then.
It feels good to have been able to get those things off my chest. I'm sorry it's long.
I hadn't answered Dad's phone calls for almost a week. He woudl call 5 times in 15 mins, left a voicemail once (I've been calling you for 5 days! Answer me, sweetie!), he called DH twice while he was at work... So I answered today.
"where have you been? I've been calling and you haven't answered."
I know it's just hard to talk to you at the moment.
"why? What's going on what'd I do?"
-I'm trying to collect myself and then he starts shouting my name, demanding answers-
Yelling doesn't help at all dad. I'm processing feeling and things that happened in the past and it hurts to talk to you.
"you need to let go if everything. Stop holding grudges. Just let go if everything and be happy and move on. I know what this is about. You need to forgive Osis for your kids. It hurts my soul that you two dont talk!"
It hurts me so much that you call this holding a grudge. I am doing this for my kids. I look at dd and I just can't believe how you didn't protect me.
"what did you want me to do?! Take you to work? Quit my job? I know your mom and Osis hit you, but I couldn't always be there."
-for some reason he started talking about how if my DH ever raises a hand against me, as long as he's alive he'll find some one to hurt him too..?-
Okay dad. Where was all this when mom was hitting Osis or when they were hitting me?
"I WASN'T ALWAYS THERE!"
You were The time I defended myself against Osis and you just left me there with her.
"you have such great memory of negative things... I-I made a mistake. I acknowledge that but I can't go back and change things. You need to see that and let go."
I'm going to say a few things and i hope you can at least understand that. An abuser's feelings should never be the concern of the victim. If I EVER reach out to Osis, it'll be when I'm ready and not because everyone is forcing me to. There are too many things that shr said and did, you cant expect me to forget all of those years from one day to the next. the fact that I'm working on forgiving her and accepting that I'll never get an apology from her doesn't guarantee reconciliation.
"she has apologized! She told me-"
No dad. That wasn't an apology she blamed me. She blamed ME and said her actions were my fault.
-he started sobbing after. Somewhere in there he complained that I didn't call him for his birthday. He says he won't call me anymore, but that I can call him, his phone is always on, he loves me and to send pictures of the kiddos every now and then.
It feels good to have been able to get those things off my chest. I'm sorry it's long.