Ahem.
Generally speaking, I am pretty good about shutting down intrusive family members (admitedly, by means fair or foul). But I also have a bit of the superman syndrome, ie a serious need to save the world, or at least protect those I love and nurture them to the extent of my ability.
One person I particularly feel the need to protect is my little sister; we share a dad but not a mom_ and our dad passed away when I was a young adult (she was a kid; our age difference is massive). Since then I've helped her as much as I could, including shielding her against abuse from her mother's side of the family, helping her move out, being available... etc. In particular, I have repeatedly offered her the chance to move to where I live (our home town is completely crippled by the financial crisis, with unemployment over 50%. And it would be higher if not for the fact most people are employed by family or the gov). Anyway, I made this offer to her years ago, outlining a plan for her to get some training and a job, and she used to turn me down for some sentimental reasons; eventually, I simply told her I'm here if she needs me, and left it at that.
And then... I got pregnant. And suddenly she came out with a big glitter shitting unicorn where she was going to move to be with me, and clean for me, cook for me, take care of the baby for me, no doubt so I could recline on the couch feeding myself cranberries or whatever. I shut that down (again, by means fair or foul).
For a while, things seemed to be ok; eventually, she told me that the situation in our home town was intenable, and that she IS going to move to where I am. We made a plan together for her to send me her résumé in advance, then come stay with me for a month, then get a flat with her salary and her savings, then once she's learned the local language, get some training in her choice of career. All nice and fine, DH and I talked it over and he agreed it was the smartest way to go about it.
And then... I was talking to her about an unrelated matter, and it became obvious that she thinks she is going to cook for my child instead of me, babysit my child so I "can have downtime", and so on. She thinks "aunties are VERY important in kids' lives".
To top it all off, there was the matter of the cat: firstly, she knows she can only bring her cat when she gets her own place in 2 months (I am not allowed pets for longer than a month in this building, and I don't want a strange cat around my baby, though I love animals); she nevertheless went on for about 15 minutes about how she is going to buy a special litter box for her cat, so that "her paws are always clean and there is no risk to the baby". Followed this up with "not that she is ever going to be outside of my room, I will close the door!". She was with a family member then, and I was too stunned by what I was hearing to say anything more than "mhmm", but basically, it appears she thinks she is going to come camp in my home and play mommy to my child while I babysit her kitty.
Needless to say, it ain't happening; telling her no isn't really the hard part. The hard part is that while I have a very clear idea of what I can afford to give (staying with us for 1 month is really necessary and may change her life, plus we do have a room where she could go and not be a bother), and it's hard for me to be stern and draw lines with a family member that really has no one else to rely on. The Superwoman syndrome.
I do realise that "no is a full sentence", but I am looking for slightly more subtle plan; I am really just dealing with a girl who grew into adulthood with insufficient guidance and who wants to repay me for being there for her when no one else was, not a deliberate boundary-stomping prima donna.