I'll try to be concise but this may get long, sorry! A little background: MIL lived with me and DH a few years ago when we first got married. She was living with BIL (her son) and he basically kicked her out (which is a whole other story). The three of us living together did not end well and she ended moving back in with BIL. When she lived with us previously, she would frequently lie to us, disrespect our house rules and was generally unpleasant to be around. She moved out when I was pregnant with lo and we spoke VERY infrequently thereafter. I had DD in January, 2013 and we didn't even get a phone call from MIL when she was born. In January of this year, MIL calls and tells me that she is just dying to meet DD (after an entire year of her life had passed) and she wants to come visit. DH and I were honestly thrilled to have her visit because we truly want our sweet daughter to know her grandmother.
MIL's visit was initially going very well. She has such a wonderful way with children and DD just adored her from the second she met her. Her plan was to stay for a few weeks or a month then head back home but we got a call from BIL a couple weeks into her stay asking if DH and I would “keep her†here for 2 months while he fixed up the back house for her. The second he asked us this we knew he was going to try to get her to stay here permanently. I'm sure it was his plan from the very beginning. We felt backed into a corner and told him 2 months was fine, but no longer. Now BIL “doesn't know†when the back house will be done because he ran out of money and he won't answer any of our calls. The guy is a real piece of work (we think drugs may be involved) and he just today sent her some more clothes to wear....the poor woman had 2 week's worth of clothes for almost 4 months!
So MIL is basically being forced to live here now. It really isn't her fault this is happening and I truly feel sorry for her. So I guess this is the part I need help with. She can be extraordinarily difficult to deal with at times. For example, we got into a huge screaming match the other night over me repeatedly asking her to wash her hands with antibacterial soap after smoking and after handling raw meat. She thinks antibacterial soap is voodoo or something and that it doesn't really work. I've told her that while I understand that she has a different opinion on the matter, I would still like her to respect my rules. During the argument she pretty much told me that because she's older, she knows better and my rules are stupid. I feel as though I'm constantly justifying the decisions I'm making for my child and I'm constantly being questioned.
I'm so distraught over this situation. I feel as though this is indicative of how she will handle situations in which she disagrees with a parenting decision DH and I make. I think it will be very harmful to our child if she sees MIL lying to us or undermining us on a regular basis. She really has built a beautiful relationship with our daughter and I can accept her living here if she accepts the expectations we have of her. Maybe my thinking is flawed and I'm being unreasonable? Are my expectations too high? She is so easily offended and is such a prideful person that I'm always so worried about her feelings being hurt. Should I lay down the law and tell her if she doesn't like it, she can leave? I guess I'm just looking for some general advice on how to handle this bizarre situation.
Thank you if you read this far! I'm sure I rambled so if there's anything you need clarification on, let me know!