So Mother's Day turned into yet another fight about dUh's mommy! I guess I'm wondering if you think I have a Duh problem, or is it "more" me? And also, if it's a Duh issue, what would you try saying to him, to get your point across?? Sorry this might get long, but I appreciate your input. 
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Bg: I do not like Mil. She's a p/a manipulator, who has trained the whole family that she will pout/cry if she doesn't get her way. So...they willingly oblige, to keep the peace, & her happy. Mil thinks she needs to be at the center of EVERYTHING; and to that end, she stalks dh's debil page, our church's page now (she's never even been there), comments directly to OUR friends, etc. She's a boundary stomper, who has trained dh to give up even the tiniest of stupid details, so that she knows all, & can then share it with the world! Ex: dh had Odd call mil for her bday last week, & DH was "training" Odd to also give up ALL details. dh: "Odd, where'd did we go last night? Target, right? What did we get there?" (me thinking: WHO THE CRAP CARES?!) dh: "a bath for Ydd? Tell gma!" uggggg
DH's side: ILs live across the country, so they don't get to SEE Odd (& now baby) in person. (Well, they sure as h@*& know how to stalk the kids just fine online!) Mil isn't "hurting anyone, so what does it matter? It will make my mother sooooo happy."
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Current issue: Mil invited her/Fil to our state for a visit in 2months. This was brought up just before Ydd was born, & I told Dh that we should discuss this after baby was born (where would I be working/time off/ visit expectations & plans/ mil is always a stressful topic & I'm growing a human here!); that the summer wasn't good because I HATE the heat & fully admit it makes me grouching; and LO would be so small, so a Fall visit might be better for sightseeing. Dh basically did as his mommy wished & agreed to visit, without me consent. I obviously was ticked that I got no say.
Dh then said he would email mil a "forewarning" that I don't plan to hand over baby to her all day long (I expressed concern after how she baby hogged Odd, & wanted to know how much she expected to baby hog this time)... Months later, he has yet to say anything to upset mommy dearest. So he lied to me!
Now I'm not one for confrontation, but last week when she commented to OUR friend, on dh's debil post, that "I hope to meet you when I visit," I was PISSED! BACK THE FREAK OFF STALKER PANTS!
I was even more pissed because I had literally JUST had a MOMMENT of peace about her/the visit, & then she tries to insert herself into a friend's life?! So I told Dh I was about to email mil to say things like: I just want to let you know I don't let people hold the baby very long; no one but parents need to kiss DDs..& if I was really brave, I was thinking of a way to tell her to BACK OFF & stop stalking us/our debil friends! But dh replied, "but she'll cry if you say this."
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So our kitty died Sat out of no where. I had to deal with that stress alone (dh watching Dds). Mil emailed Dh "what are you doing mother's day wkend?" Dh replied: kitty died. He then tells me mil said, "I hope it was cat A" (who mil met ONCE, and acts like she has this PRETEND, deep relationship with). This fakeness pissed me off, so I CALMLY told dh "when mil visit's, I'm warning you yet again, that I might lose it on her & tell her to stop stalking us!"
Dh gets all butt hurt, & loses his mind on ME! Cusses at ME, because I dared to ask about visit expectations (again, since he seriously doesn't want to plan out things ahead, & clearly isn't concerned about my comfort level, & that I DARE to make mil's visit un-awesome)! He said something again about her hanging out in our house (they're staying in a hotel thankfully), so I again ask...since I never get an answer...what does dh see happening? I don't want ILs planting their butts in my house; I should be able to BF baby in the living room; snooping mil doesn't need to plant her a@@ in our house & get into every room.
But DH says I'm irrational & being a b#@#&, for daring to ask for some boundaries, or establish expectations of comfort for ME! Am I seriously wrong here?! I'm not the type who can hold a fake smile on my face all week long, but he thinks I should magically just suck it up! 