Been a lurker to this group for awhile, rarely comment and this is my first post to the group. I've read the sticky and have my bgp on so let me have it ladies :)
BG; My DH and I met back in 2008, we dated for a little while then things ended and we lost touch until end of Feb 2012 when we reconnected and we've barely been apart since. Married in April of this year and we have our wonderful DS who was born in Feb. I also have a beautiful DD from a previous relationship who is seven.
We were living with my parents for about a year in order to save money to pay off some bills and to be able to move into a decent apartment/place rather than just whatever was available. We did move out recently. My parents were great, we had the occasional spat/bickering that you would expect from 4 adults living together with one and then two children in the house. The majority of time though we all got along swimmingly lol and there was only one issue one time of any sort of boundary stomping. It was my mother and I nipped that sh*t in the bud, so it only happened the once.
My MIL on the other hand has been an issue since DS was born. She showed up uninvited to the hospital after he was born, causing my bp to spike. It went up to 150something over 100something, crazy high and the nurse pointed out that it had been going down until she showed up.
She's also felt entitled to seeing DS since he was born. I believe that she wanted to be GMOTY and was jealous that my mother was around DS everyday where she couldn't be. Another relevant fact she smoked inside her home, both cigarettes and other substances. She was informed that she needed to be wearing non smoked in clothes to hold DS and also he would not be visiting at her home until it had been smoke free for at least six months and had been cleaned.
Well the first fit came when we told her DS wouldn't be visiting and that he wouldn't be around 3rd hand smoke. BTW my mother is a smoker also (not in the house) and had no issues following our strict rules about DS's exposure to 3rd hand smoke. With MIL there was a phone tantrum; involving telling us that she should be able to see "her baby" whenever she wanted, that she didn't have to respect our rules and basically just complaining about not getting to see DS every day but "her mom" does. Which garnered a warning from DH about her behavior and the consequences if her behavior were to continue (TO/CO depending on severity of the incident). And a short TO about a month long.
Mostly after that she's been good, a few minor incidents such as referring to DS as "her baaaabbbyy!" Which DH handles immediately each time.
Recently DH has begun reconnecting with his dad, which is great in both of our opinions. MIL however seems to feel that there is now another GP for her to compete with. We recently spent some time with FIL. Which I believe caused the most recent incident.
DH went over to MIL's house for a brief period of time the other day and she asked him where DS, DD, and I were. He told her since he was going out for the day (his father's day present was a day to do what he wanted) we were at my parent's house doing laundry and visiting. She asked when DS could come to spend time at her house, she has quit smoking completely and they cleaned, DH told her again that it would be at least six months before DS would be able to visit at her home. Now we do have visits out, other places...and I would invite her over to visit at my parents but she doesn't like my mother, not sure why as they've only met twice and both times my mother seemed, to me, to be accomadating and polite with her.
So she sees DS every other week or so, which I think is pretty freaking good, especially with her past behavior. Well after DH reiterated the circumstances for DS visiting at her house she flipped her lid. Full on tantrum! She did this when she thought DH couldn't hear her, but he could very clearly. She said that DH and I are punishing her, that we shouldn't have let FIL hold DS, that it's not fair that she never gets to see "her baby", that she was going to tell DH that he was no longer welcome at her house, and more.
DH and I have an agreement, that we make decisions together (2 yes 1 no) and that we each deal with our FOO. So together we decided to TO MIL for a period of time. I feel that he should tell her and tell her why, he doesn't feel that need.
I am just wondering which is the right way? Should we be telling her that she's on TO and for what...or just BH all contact until we feel the TO should be finished?
TIA ladies!