Is it possible to have a person stay with you postpartum and it not be stressful? Does that ever happen?
I'm due on 8/30 with our third child, second living. Possibly relevant background - my body is not really good at pregnancy. We've had to do IVF and frozen embryo transfers for our pregnancies because my ovaries suck. Our first miracle daughter was stillborn as I have an incompetent cervix, so I had a permanent cerclage put in with our second and was on bedrest for 27 weeks. This pregnancy has been much easier, but I am fiercely protective of my babies when they're born due to all of this. To be honest, I hate when anyone else holds them - poor DH even gets the short shift.
When DD2 was born via C-section, my MIL (who lives across the US from us) came my last week of maternity leave. She and I get along great - she wouldn't demand the baby, and she tried to be helpful with nursing (former LLL leader), etc., etc. She was overall great - but the truth of the matter is that I would just feel guilty for hogging my girl. Not because of anything MIL was doing, but because I knew she had to fly back across the country and wouldn't get to see DD for at least a year.
She and DH were on the phone discussing her travel plans to see our new DS after his delivery, and also a new niece who was born to one of DH's siblings. He asked me if it would work if she came in September - I said that either mid-to-late September would probably be best, or even Thanksgiving (I'll likely be going back to work in early or mid November). It would work best for her to come on Labor Day weekend and maybe visit DNi first, and then come see us after, since that's when she'll already have some time off. She wants to help with our ODD while I snuggle the new baby, which is sweet.
I'm hesitant about this, even with as great as she is. My obvious reservations are:
- The baby will literally be only a few days old, if my scheduled C-section is on 8/26. I'll be post-op, bloody, leaking, and possibly struggling with BF. Oh, and hormonal. Very, very hormonal. I'm going to be a hot mess, and just want to hold my baby. MIL is super-respectful of all of this, but I don't love people (even those I love) seeing me at my worst.
- I was hospitalized for a week with hyperemesis gravidarum earlier in this pregnancy, and it was VERY hard on DD; she's a total mama's girl. My fear is that she's going to have a similarly hard time when this baby's born and I'm in the hospital for four days - it could be great to have MIL here, or it's possible that DD will flip.
- To be blunt, I'm not going to want anyone to hold the baby much. MIL will respect that, and I know it. But I know that I'll want to give her a chance to snuggle him - but he'll only be a week old.
- I worry a lot, and she'll be going to see DNi (and her older sister) first, after having ridden on a plane. I don't want DS getting sick on his first week out of the womb.
It is really important to DH that she come, and I love her and also want her there. I just worry that the timing is terrible. Does anyone have any stories that they can share where having a house guest during the first week? I think I'm SO leery because of all of the horror stories I've read on here, that maybe I'm not just sitting back and going with the flow enough.