Hey all!
I posted here over 2 years ago about wedding drama with my in laws. This time, I need advice on my FOO.
CURRENT: my **mother**had a massive heart attack last night. I found out about it this morning so we are packed up with our dogs and heading north. So we are staying with family- either my home (we call it the farm-used to be a working farm back in the day) or with my dad and step mom. Here is background on each.
My ED neglected me as an infant. I was mal nourished and on the verge of Failure to thrive. My dad took me away at 14 months old but couldn't support his drug/alcohol habit and a baby, so he gave me to my great aunt. She is over 50 years my senior and is old enough to be my grandmother. She became my "mom". Any reference to mom is my great aunt. I have no contact with my ED.
My mom is VERY p/a. She loves to play the victim and is a hypochondriac. The only reason I know this is legit and needing to drive 10+ hours is because family has already been to the hospital and have spoken with the doctors. She is 83, so realistically, something like this could mean this could be the last time I see her.
She always had an issue with my weight and would hide food from me so I wouldn't get too fat. Since I've been on a weight loss journey for the past 4 months, I've lost significant weight and her only response to it is "did you lose anymore weight?". Bitch, please, I weight less than you and YOU have the audacity to ask me about MY weight? If you couldn't tell, I have a spine of steel (now) after being away from my Foo for 5 years. So I have no problem shutting anything down.
If DH and I were to stay at the farm this week, we would be staying with mom's husband and mom's sister. Sister, "a" is mentally disabled and has the cognitive ability of a 12 year old. She can keep the house running, but has no ability to be wise with money, paying bills, etc. I chose special ed as my field because of her. She's like the sister I never had. Mom's husband is a Vietnam veteran who got agent orange positioning and was diagnosed with dimentia. He has no idea who I am. So to him, it would be 2 strangers in his house. We'd be staying to make sure "a" is ok.
My dad: this is interesting. He is an alcoholic and a pot smoker. He is very rough around the edges and rides with motorcycle gangs. My step mom is ok, nothing major with her except a loud mouth. They have more room and also have dogs, so the dogs have playmates.
My dad and I have a rocky relationship that has gotten better with distance. When I was 18 , we fist fought after he got so drunk he was destructive. He learned that my 6+ years of karate paid off. He got one punch in and he wasn't capable of anything more. That has since been rug swept and our relationship is cordial. If we were to stay with him, our issue would be his drinking/ smoking pot.
Being a teacher, I cannot be around any type of drugs. I lose my license. Can I ask him to not smoke around me? Or is it a his house/his rules thing?
We cannot afford a hotel and this trip was very last minute due to the circumstances. These are my two options. Which is the lesser of two evils?
Also, can I set up boundaries now with them since we are attc? If so, I'd love advice on how to do that. As I mentioned above, I'm the steel spine between DH and I. He's more of a unicorn. I'm mentally killing my unicorn on the way there, so I can't fall victim to their manipulation and p/a crap.
You have 10 hours. Go!
I posted here over 2 years ago about wedding drama with my in laws. This time, I need advice on my FOO.
CURRENT: my **mother**had a massive heart attack last night. I found out about it this morning so we are packed up with our dogs and heading north. So we are staying with family- either my home (we call it the farm-used to be a working farm back in the day) or with my dad and step mom. Here is background on each.
My ED neglected me as an infant. I was mal nourished and on the verge of Failure to thrive. My dad took me away at 14 months old but couldn't support his drug/alcohol habit and a baby, so he gave me to my great aunt. She is over 50 years my senior and is old enough to be my grandmother. She became my "mom". Any reference to mom is my great aunt. I have no contact with my ED.
My mom is VERY p/a. She loves to play the victim and is a hypochondriac. The only reason I know this is legit and needing to drive 10+ hours is because family has already been to the hospital and have spoken with the doctors. She is 83, so realistically, something like this could mean this could be the last time I see her.
She always had an issue with my weight and would hide food from me so I wouldn't get too fat. Since I've been on a weight loss journey for the past 4 months, I've lost significant weight and her only response to it is "did you lose anymore weight?". Bitch, please, I weight less than you and YOU have the audacity to ask me about MY weight? If you couldn't tell, I have a spine of steel (now) after being away from my Foo for 5 years. So I have no problem shutting anything down.
If DH and I were to stay at the farm this week, we would be staying with mom's husband and mom's sister. Sister, "a" is mentally disabled and has the cognitive ability of a 12 year old. She can keep the house running, but has no ability to be wise with money, paying bills, etc. I chose special ed as my field because of her. She's like the sister I never had. Mom's husband is a Vietnam veteran who got agent orange positioning and was diagnosed with dimentia. He has no idea who I am. So to him, it would be 2 strangers in his house. We'd be staying to make sure "a" is ok.
My dad: this is interesting. He is an alcoholic and a pot smoker. He is very rough around the edges and rides with motorcycle gangs. My step mom is ok, nothing major with her except a loud mouth. They have more room and also have dogs, so the dogs have playmates.
My dad and I have a rocky relationship that has gotten better with distance. When I was 18 , we fist fought after he got so drunk he was destructive. He learned that my 6+ years of karate paid off. He got one punch in and he wasn't capable of anything more. That has since been rug swept and our relationship is cordial. If we were to stay with him, our issue would be his drinking/ smoking pot.
Being a teacher, I cannot be around any type of drugs. I lose my license. Can I ask him to not smoke around me? Or is it a his house/his rules thing?
We cannot afford a hotel and this trip was very last minute due to the circumstances. These are my two options. Which is the lesser of two evils?
Also, can I set up boundaries now with them since we are attc? If so, I'd love advice on how to do that. As I mentioned above, I'm the steel spine between DH and I. He's more of a unicorn. I'm mentally killing my unicorn on the way there, so I can't fall victim to their manipulation and p/a crap.
You have 10 hours. Go!