I am beyond livid right now.
Brief BG: My inlaws are all crazy. Manipulative/boundary stomping etc. Mostly problems have been due to MIL. SIL lives 2 hours away and we all lead busy lives, so not much trouble with her. (I have posted about this before.) So, SIL planned her wedding date for 12 days after our second child is due. She KNEW our due date in advance.
She asked me to be a personal attendant, and at your lovely advice, I told her "no", because I would be a very short time post parturm and politely explained that with a newborn and toddler, there was no way I could fulfill that duty. Next question...she wants 15 month old son to be in the wedding...ring bearer. DH shuts this down. We tell her it simply won't work. He is at a difficult age where he obviously won't take direction to walk down the aisle. With a 3:00 wedding, he will be tierd, grouchy, and unable to fulfill that duty in a strange church full of people that he doesn't know. He would either cry, or throw a tantrum. There would be about a 10% chance it would make it up the aisle without a scene.
DH tells SIL this, and she BAWLS, says she is too upset to talk, and hangs up on DH. DH tries to call her back, and she doesn't answer. Stupid mistake #1. Who gives a shit if this grown woman is throwing a tantrum!?! But, anyways, our decision stands, and SIL calls a month later wondering is they should by DS a suit, "just in case." DH says, no...again. Thanks DH.
MIL and SIL have both been told on many occasions that unless a miracle occurs, we will NOT be attending this wedding. I RSVP "0". I just stuck it in the mail, so I don't know if they got it yet.
FF to tonight. FBIL calls. He is a whole story of his own. Thinks he can walk on water, he's a jerk, kisses MILs butt, but SIL has told us in the past that she is scared on him when he is angry. YUCK. So, we don't really support his relationship but choose to mind our own business.
DH has never gotten a call from FBIL, so doesn't know who it is. FBIL totally catches DUH off guard, and asks him to be a freakin' groomsmen. Doesn't seem so bad, except it's one month until the wedding and he is just NOW asking, and of course MY DUE DATE!
Well, DUH agrees to freakin' do it!!!!!!! 3 months ago, DUH was telling me that he may not even go if I wasn't up to going and needed his help. I'm sitting in the chair shaking my head no the whole time and looking mortified. DUH commences to ask where to go to get the tux fitted, etc. I was freakin' shocked.
DUH gets off the phone, and I just break down bawling. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. DUH ditched my post partum ass to participate in this wedding. I freak out, spelling out to DUH what he has just agreed to. A bachelor party, a rehersal supper, pictures, wedding, and reception. He acts like..."Sorry, I didn't really even think about all that.." Then goes on to say that he didn't know what to say in the moment. I told him at the VERY least he could have said..."Well, with DWs due date so close, I better talk to her first. Can I call you back?" Not, YES YES YES! I'm trying to figure out what is going on in his head. When we got married his brother wouldn't be in our wedding because it wasn't held in the "right" church. DUH said he doesn't want to be that guy that won't be in someone's wedding. I told him, his reasons were FAR better that just not being in the "right" church.
Bascially, I told DUH that there is 100% NO WAY In hell I will be attending the wedding, so if he is really going to do this, he is going SOLO! I can't believe he would leave me to take care of a 15 month old and newborn to go to this bullshit affair. After having our first child, I tried to drive like a week PP, and felt so exhausted that driving nearly put me to sleep, so I am not making the drive alone (over an hour.)
I feel like my inlaws got JUST what they wanted. DUH goes, wife doesn't. PERFECT! Keep in mind wedding is at 3. DUH will likely be going to pictures at 1:00 or sooner, and the wedding is over an hour away.
He briefly offered to call FBIL and back out. I said that was fine, but thanks for THROWING ME under the bus, because when you totally agree to being in the wedding and then 5 mintues later turn around and say no, then they are going to know the hanis bitch of a wife manipulated you into backing out!! I feel like he can back out now, but I won't be any happier about it. He should have said no to start with.
Sorry this got so long!!!! I don't know what to do! I want to demand that he call FBIL and back out, but I want him to come to that decision ON HIS OWN, not because I flipped out. Am I being crazy? Is it not that big of a deal that he agreed to be in it?
I'm embarassed actually that he agreed to this. I thought he would choose to take care of me and our kids. Sadly, I think he partly thought he could stand in the wedding and leave when it gets over, but I told him that he has commited, so now he's stuck with all the duties of a groomsmen. I would never tell him he can't attend the wedding of his sister, but HE actually said he wouldn't attend if I needed him. Now he just 100% said he'd be at that damn wedding. Gosh I hate him right now.
This wedding is a sore spot for me anyhow as MIL and FIL weren't even going to attend DH and my wedding, due to it not being in their church. SILs wedding is like their event of the year, because it's in the "right" church. SILs gift registry looks like it belongs to Princess Kate, only hers was probably far more modest. It just makes my attitude toward the whole thing really rotten.
What do ya'll think?