This is going to be a novel. If BBC messes up spacing and paragraphs I'll try to edit it.
I have a long history, but I don't think I've ever made my own post. I have a Grandmother who is a true NPD and is BSC. I could never type out all of the things she has put me through, but I'll get a few biggies in here. My dad (her son) was an only child. She had a daughter before him who died at 2 days old. I was named after this deceased daughter. (Bad idea.)
My mom was a doormat who has slowly (by my good influence) started developing her spine 35 years too late. I grew up a short walk from my GP's house. I spent at least one night a week sleeping there and saw them 3-5 times a week. My GM seemed great when I was really young. She let me do all the things my mom wouldn't let me. But she also made me do things I didn't want to do. Like get my ears pierced without my mom's permission. I didn't want my ears pierced, but she didn't really give me a choice. I was 7. She let me eat things I wasn't allowed to have, bought me clothes I wasn't allowed to wear, and told me things I wasn't supposed to know about. She taught me how to keep secrets from my parents.
I saw all sorts of crazy growing up around her. I watched her make herself vomit after meals (she would make me hold her hand.) I watched her threaten my Gf with knives. She would rage and say horrible things to my Gf and occasionally my parents. I was the GC and I hated it. It only meant I had to cope with her BSC on my own while my brother was pretty much ignored. As I got older, she started to turn her rage onto me. I was raped at 17, and it was a big thing locally. It was in the media, etc. She told me she wished the guy had killed me because it would have brought less shame on the family. She said I caused her to be embarrassed to go into town. If I didn't wear my hair long she would tell me how horrible I looked. If I got a pimple she would put me down and tell my dad to take me to a dermatologist. It was incessant. She wanted to control everything I did, and once I got old enough to not be her "doll," she was tired of me and treated me horribly.
Long story short- My Gf was dying in 2010. A few weeks before he died I met them both at a local McDonalds with my kids. She was going on and on about how she couldn't wait for my Gf to just die already so she could do fun stuff with her friends again. How she couldn't do anything because he was always sick. She was saying all of this right in front of him. It was a somewhat common thing. I always felt so bad for him. He just sat there and didn’t say a word. Three weeks later he died. Oh my gosh, the way she acted. She was hysterical for months. He died in October of 2010. I cut her off on Christmas Eve that year.
I didn't know you could do that. Cut people off. I had been dealing with her insanity my whole life. I had been told that "Family sticks together" and "She can't help it" and "She means well." One day I said to my DH, "I wish I just didn't have to see her ever again." He told me I didn't have to. He said people cut family off all the time. I was shocked. For the first time there was hope at an escape, but I wasn't quite ready.
Then Christmas Eve I was on my way to her house with the kids and Dh was at work. My ASD son was in the middle of a huge meltdown, so I called my DM's cell to let them know that he was acting up and as soon as we got there he would have to go to time out to calm down. I pulled up and was getting my YDS (at that time) out of his car seat and my two oldest DSs went on in. When I walked in her house she was standing there holding onto my ASD DS sobbing saying "You can't ruin our Christmas by punishing him! This is our first Christmas without your Papaw! How dare you do this to me!"
I said "He just needs to go to timeout for a few minutes." She just kept sobbing hysterically making it out like I was just trying to ruin HER Christmas. I lost it, said a few choice words, and took my kids right back out the door. Bob Evans was open, so we had Christmas Eve dinner there, and I told my DH that was it. I was done, and I've never looked back. The crazy in front of my kids was the final straw for me. I had always been able to shelter them from it before.
So, she's been CO for over 3 years. During this time she'll send money (which I take and buy things for the kids. No strings if I don't give her any.) Then she started sending huge boxes in the mail of crap. She's a very wealthy person, and can afford nice things, but she is a huge goodwill shopper. So she started sending me huge boxes of thrift store clothes, junk food from dollar general (the really gross stuff like potted meat) and stuff from Walmart clearance. I have 5 kids, so I do buy lots of resale clothing for our kids, but we are not poor. We own our own 6 bedroom house, and have very little debt. I stay home with the kids and homeschool our three youngest. We do not need any financial help, nor have we ever. I think it's very rude to send us Goodwill clothes like we need charity. I'm not trying to sound snotty, I wear secondhand clothes regularly. But I would never buy someone presents from Goodwill. I think it's her trying to "put me in my place" so-to-speak.
So over the past year she stopped mailing the boxes, and started showing up at my house. She rings the doorbell and when I don't answer, she starts unloading her car onto my front porch. LOADS of crap. Apparently someone (I'm guessing my dad) told her I don't appreciate all the crap used clothes, so she has now started putting tags on them from HER own clothes! Like she'll take a tag from a women's tank top and put it on a used sweater for one of my DS! I guess I'm stupid and won't notice.
I've put up with this, and I just turn around and take it all back to Goodwill and take the tax write off. It didn't seem worth the stress to call the police. I knew my parents would have to deal with the fall-out, so I just ignored it, and re-donated the stuff. I would take the food to a shelter in a neighboring town.
So, now you guys can hand me my ass on that, because it was a huge mistake. I just got a call tonight from my parents. She somehow found out where my ExH's dad lives, and went to his house last week. She gave him and his wife a big sob-story about how bad I am and how I won't let her see her GK. They gave her school pictures of my two oldest (Those are the two I share with my exH. They're both ASD and we share custody.) My dad went to her house today and saw the pictures, asked her where she got them, and she gloated about how she was going to get to see them now. She said my exFIL was sympathetic. She didn't give my dad details, but he called me very concerned.
My ex and I have had MAJOR custody issues, and we do not have a good relationship, but he does know how BSC she is. I sent him an email letting him know that I do not approve of her seeing the boys, she is NOT safe, and I hope he respects my wishes. However, had I called the police about her coming to my house, I could now be getting a RO for myself and my children.
So here's my plan: if she comes over again I'll call the PD and have her trespassed. If she comes again, they'll arrest her and I'll get a RO. DH is a police detective and we talked and agreed that as of right now I don't have enough to get a RO.
What do you all think? I can elaborate and answer any questions. This is really long, and I could write so much more.
Edited to get rid of weird symbols.