I recently moved half way across the country for DH's job, which happens to be in the same area as the in laws. I have my own issues with my foo, and his family always seemed to like me so I was excited.
Ha, it's all gone downhill!
The biggest problem is when we visit her, his mom just flat out ignores me. Everything she says is directed at DH or my daughter (her step granddaughter). It's so obvious and weird. I have no idea why, DH has no idea why and has asked her and she says she doesn't do it. This happens with *everything*.. even things that I'm the one that needs to know about! Example, we will be staying at their house this weekend to care for DH's grandfather (which, his care was grossly downplayed.. after finding out what was expected, ended up taking off work for it) while his parents are out of town. I will be the one doing the majority of the care for GFIL and their dogs... but everything about it was said to him. She told my daughter when to water and feed the dogs which is just lol, we gave our/her cat to a neighbor before we moved because DD wouldn't take care of her (she's 12, so old enough).
There was a big family to-do a few years back when BIL got a divorce and ex-SIL wrote a letter to MIL, telling her how she was so upset that she had never tried to get to know her or their 2 kids. I can totally see now where she is coming from.
It pretty much all started when DH kept having to ask me about decisions for our family, that visibily disturbed her and that's when she started pretending I wasn't there.
example.. she completely pushed us into buying a car we did not want. Our car was totalled right before we came here in a wreck. She asked us when we were planning on buying another car, I told her that we would go and look when the insurance was taken care of and the old car was paid off. The next day, she was all excited because she found us a car for $500 and "you want it, right?" (with the owner of the car standing with her, it was awkward). DH said he'd have to discuss it with me and she was very annoyed over that, so we just bought it to keep her happy. We figured $500 for a temp car when our insurance may take up to a month to get sorted out, and we could sell it for scrap later for $300.. not bad. Yea, I realize now that I should not have done that, but it's done now. She really just didn't like it that he had to ask me. DH is pretty good about discussing things with me first.. but she clearly doesn't like it. I just don't get that, we're married.
DH has his own problems with her. She talks to him, but ignores everything he says. She asked if our 8 month old could have something, he told her no.. a few days later, she gave it to her anyway... she's done that several times, but not to me. She gave him lots of grief about taking the 8 month old to the ER the other day and how wasteful it was.. 1) we have very good insurance, 2) she had a horrible cough, and was running a fever for 2 days and our doctor in our old state wasn't returning our call (we haven't found a new doctor yet, working on it now). 3) she was a preemie, born at 29 weeks, in the NICU for almost 2 months.. we are a little skittish about her health and 4) why is it any of her business? He just brought it up so she wouldn't worry about her. Oh, and she also gave him a guilt trip about not going to church that Sunday (with a sick baby! Nursery/other parents would have loved that one). That same Sunday, he asked her to take ODD to church with them because she wanted to go.. they brought her home 4 hours after church service was over and didn't call and wouldn't answer our calls. When he asked about it, her response, "you asked me to bring her home, so I'll bring her home when I'm ready" (for the record, would not have cared if they had stayed out all night as long as we had been notified). They have absolutely no respect for him as a parent.. no clue about me because I'm just ignored (although when I do talk to her, she does what I ask in regards to the children).
We aren't ready to do any sort of CO (yet), because frankly, they are still a dream compared to my family. But DH and I both agree there is an issue that needs to be resolved.
Any advice?