BG: Hubs and I have been together over 10 years and married for less than a year. My father is CO 9+ years, he's a verbally abusive alcoholic who liked to take it out on me more than my siblings. I stopped talking to him the second I moved across the country with DH. My mom is TO most of the time. I probably speak to her once every few months. She has BPD, unmedicated of course. She had a stroke last year, which has exacerbated the BPD. Mom has a hold on my three other siblings and has guilted all of them into still living with her. She's super PA and will give the silent treatment to family for years for little to no reason. She did it to me when I moved out for a couple years. Threats of suicide, claims she can't support herself (father is still in picture mind you), you name it she does it to hold on to and control her children. I went full unicorn and gave her my car when we bought a new one years ago. So very stupid.
*Trigger*I am now pregnant with our first child after having a mc in July. I never told her about the mc and I held out until Christmas to tell her right around 12w. I called to tell her and she was screaming she was so excited. I went all unicorn and told her it was our rainbow baby so she would calm down. Well she told all of my extended family every word I told her. So stupid again. *Trigger over*
I live 1,000 miles away from her, and her and my aunt already told me they want to be here for the birth. The couple of times I've talked to her she's been keeping the crazy at bay. No talks of killing herself, how she hates the sibling she hates this week, having no food in the house, none of it. I think she's trying to butter me up so I'll let her come out here. I think she'll try to stay here, maybe permanently, and try to live in my house. She's told me she wants to live in my basement numerous times, which I have shot down without a pause. She also mentioned both times I talked to her I should move closer, but I own a house out here and no thanks, I'm good. I like being able to limit the amount of crazy my child will be exposed to. She wants to "keep an eye on me" because a pregnant 30 yo needs monitoring.
I'm trying to figure out the best approach, and I'm hoping you guys can help. She's not medically cleared to come out here (altitude with her aneurysm) but she might be in February. I'm due in July. I know she's going to guilt me and I waver between bitchiness and that damned unicorn. I should have just CO like with my dad but it's hard to lose two parents. It's easier when the parent is just mean all the time. DH fully supports whatever I want to do. Should I wait and pray that she just can't come here? Or should I call her tomorrow and tell her I don't want her here for the birth or to help afterward? Any advice is appreciated.
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Keeping the Crazy Away *Trigger* UD Pg 4
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