My future ILs only live 30 minutes from us but we haven't visited in almost 6 months due to finances and car trouble. I usually don't mind visiting them because they don't boundary stomp and they're over all pleasant. My FMIL and SFIL have accepted my oldest into the family and treat her the same as their other grand children. YBIL has lived with them for as long as I've known my SO and he's pretty awesome too. Before MDS was born 6 months ago I had no problem seeing them.
All that has changed since OBIL moved in with them just before Easter after being evicted. I haven't liked OBIL since the day SO introduced me to him. He yo-yos between passive agressive and downright rude.
Here are some examples
The day I met OBIL he offered me a drink. I was pregnant at the time but we weren't announcing yet so I used the fact that I had to drive later as an excuse. His response was "Who cares." And laughed. I was kind of shocked at his response. He has 2 kids himself. I jaded and pointed out that it's a felony to drive under the influence with kids in the car (I had DD with me). He just rolled his eyes. He has been my BEC from that point on.
The next time I saw him I was 6 months pregnant and he greeted me with "Hey Tubby." I addressed it in the moment and told him that I didn't find that acceptable and that he was being rude. He laughed and said "I don't care." SO didn't say a word he claimed later not to have heard it at all.
He told me I was a wimp for planning a RCS because his exwife had unmedicated childbirth and that my doctors were stupid.
On our last visit MDS was only 2 weeks old and OBIL fell asleep with him on the couch. I woke him up and told him I was taking DS and he refused saying he knows what he's doing. Thankfully MIL could see I was fuming and asked to hold DS to diffuse the situation.
Other than that he acts like he's generally better than SO and has insinuated on more than one occassion that he's a better parent and we don't know what we're doing.
We found out a few weeks ago that we're expecting again due to minipill failure. While we were very surprised we are happy but don't plan on announcing until 20 weeks. I'm already showing since my last pregnancy was so recent and I know he's going to point out my weight again.
If it were up to me, I'd send SO on his own to visit but SO doesn't drive. SO understands that I'm not comfortable and has promised to be a united front. He said if he disrespects our wishes or is rude to me while we're there then we're leaving early and OBIL will be CO. He has always been ELC with OBIL anyway. If we have to CO OBIL obviously the rest of the ILs will be collateral damage until OBIL moves out.
Usually I'm good at shutting down people in the moment but with OBIL I'm anxious at even the thought of going down there. I'm worried I'm going to snap or, much worse, just keep quiet.
I need advice on how to handle this and what to say if he is passive agressive. If SO could go on his own I would just stay home but I'm stuck in this situation.
All that has changed since OBIL moved in with them just before Easter after being evicted. I haven't liked OBIL since the day SO introduced me to him. He yo-yos between passive agressive and downright rude.
Here are some examples
The day I met OBIL he offered me a drink. I was pregnant at the time but we weren't announcing yet so I used the fact that I had to drive later as an excuse. His response was "Who cares." And laughed. I was kind of shocked at his response. He has 2 kids himself. I jaded and pointed out that it's a felony to drive under the influence with kids in the car (I had DD with me). He just rolled his eyes. He has been my BEC from that point on.
The next time I saw him I was 6 months pregnant and he greeted me with "Hey Tubby." I addressed it in the moment and told him that I didn't find that acceptable and that he was being rude. He laughed and said "I don't care." SO didn't say a word he claimed later not to have heard it at all.
He told me I was a wimp for planning a RCS because his exwife had unmedicated childbirth and that my doctors were stupid.
On our last visit MDS was only 2 weeks old and OBIL fell asleep with him on the couch. I woke him up and told him I was taking DS and he refused saying he knows what he's doing. Thankfully MIL could see I was fuming and asked to hold DS to diffuse the situation.
Other than that he acts like he's generally better than SO and has insinuated on more than one occassion that he's a better parent and we don't know what we're doing.
We found out a few weeks ago that we're expecting again due to minipill failure. While we were very surprised we are happy but don't plan on announcing until 20 weeks. I'm already showing since my last pregnancy was so recent and I know he's going to point out my weight again.
If it were up to me, I'd send SO on his own to visit but SO doesn't drive. SO understands that I'm not comfortable and has promised to be a united front. He said if he disrespects our wishes or is rude to me while we're there then we're leaving early and OBIL will be CO. He has always been ELC with OBIL anyway. If we have to CO OBIL obviously the rest of the ILs will be collateral damage until OBIL moves out.
Usually I'm good at shutting down people in the moment but with OBIL I'm anxious at even the thought of going down there. I'm worried I'm going to snap or, much worse, just keep quiet.
I need advice on how to handle this and what to say if he is passive agressive. If SO could go on his own I would just stay home but I'm stuck in this situation.