BG: my dad is CO. He is a dick, always has been, he abused my sister and I and I finally stopped speaking to him when my mom left him on my 19th birthday (10 years ago). I haven't told him why (he probably knows) but I have told his side of the family everything in hopes that they would stop trying to convince me to be his buddy.
Then when I was pregnant (2012/13) my aunt talked SO into Greek easter at my father's house, saying he's changed and blah blah blah. He has gotten remarried and supposedly this woman makes him a better person. I had no backbone whatsoever when I was pregnant, so I went along with it. I was 37 weeks at the time. He seemed ok, nicer & like he was trying to be a good person. So over the next 4 ish months I saw him maybe 2 times at family get togethers. It was fine, he didn't do anything crazy, I'm assuming cause his wife was around.
Then last fall he goes into SO's work with my aunt for lunch. For some reason my aunt had told my dad we were having some money issues (I later told her to please not share anything about my life with him). My dad starts spouting off to SO WHILE HE IS WORKING about how my mom and I ruined everything (how, I don't know) and if we weren't such ruiners SO and I and our son would be able to live in the family house (that my great grandparents bought in the 20s). Whatever, I don't want his house. I've made my own life and I like it. I don't really see what this has to do with anything, since no one was asking him for anything. According to SO, he went on for about 10 min about how awful my mom and I are. When he goes really crazy and he gets this specific look on his face, and SO described it to me to a T. When he starts spinning out like that it means he has lost control.
I determined from this incident that my father has in fact not changed one fucking iota. Back to CO we go. I didn't tell him why because I don't think it's worth the effort for a crazy. Since the incident he had sent me numerous emails and texts (never an apology or anything) of pictures of his trip to Thailand and "happy birthday" "happy mothers day" "remember your old cat? He still lives in the neighborhood, here's a photo." I've BH every single one.
Onto my grandma.
She lives out of state. She is 84. I've had my own issues with her in the past (typical Greek grandmother, overbearing and naggy), but we are fine now.
GM sent a family email asking about dates for her visit up here, I responded with "either is great, we will be in town." I get an email today that is just to me telling me she will be here in October. OK, great.
Then I scroll down and there's a bunch of emails back and forth from my cousins (who she is staying with) about a family dinner and the guest list, which has my family on it as well as my dad and his wife. So I guess I need to email her back and explain we aren't coming because her son is an abusive looneytooney and I don't want my son within 1000 feet of him.
This is what I've got:
Dear GM,
Thanks for letting us know when you will be here. SO, DS, & I are excited to see you! (Insert random stuff about work schedules).
I saw your emails to J & J, and unfortunately we will not be attending any events where (my dad) is present.
I need help with the next part. I want to say something like, "his behavior during his last interaction with SO was completely inappropriate and I do not want a toxic person such as him around my son."
But she wasn't informed of the event, so I don't know if I should give her less information? Or more? She will also try and guilt me into going anyway cause she's old and family is important and she wants us all in one room and she only comes up twice a year and blah blah blah. I need to be very firm with her.
Advice please? Sorry so long!
Then when I was pregnant (2012/13) my aunt talked SO into Greek easter at my father's house, saying he's changed and blah blah blah. He has gotten remarried and supposedly this woman makes him a better person. I had no backbone whatsoever when I was pregnant, so I went along with it. I was 37 weeks at the time. He seemed ok, nicer & like he was trying to be a good person. So over the next 4 ish months I saw him maybe 2 times at family get togethers. It was fine, he didn't do anything crazy, I'm assuming cause his wife was around.
Then last fall he goes into SO's work with my aunt for lunch. For some reason my aunt had told my dad we were having some money issues (I later told her to please not share anything about my life with him). My dad starts spouting off to SO WHILE HE IS WORKING about how my mom and I ruined everything (how, I don't know) and if we weren't such ruiners SO and I and our son would be able to live in the family house (that my great grandparents bought in the 20s). Whatever, I don't want his house. I've made my own life and I like it. I don't really see what this has to do with anything, since no one was asking him for anything. According to SO, he went on for about 10 min about how awful my mom and I are. When he goes really crazy and he gets this specific look on his face, and SO described it to me to a T. When he starts spinning out like that it means he has lost control.
I determined from this incident that my father has in fact not changed one fucking iota. Back to CO we go. I didn't tell him why because I don't think it's worth the effort for a crazy. Since the incident he had sent me numerous emails and texts (never an apology or anything) of pictures of his trip to Thailand and "happy birthday" "happy mothers day" "remember your old cat? He still lives in the neighborhood, here's a photo." I've BH every single one.
Onto my grandma.
She lives out of state. She is 84. I've had my own issues with her in the past (typical Greek grandmother, overbearing and naggy), but we are fine now.
GM sent a family email asking about dates for her visit up here, I responded with "either is great, we will be in town." I get an email today that is just to me telling me she will be here in October. OK, great.
Then I scroll down and there's a bunch of emails back and forth from my cousins (who she is staying with) about a family dinner and the guest list, which has my family on it as well as my dad and his wife. So I guess I need to email her back and explain we aren't coming because her son is an abusive looneytooney and I don't want my son within 1000 feet of him.
This is what I've got:
Dear GM,
Thanks for letting us know when you will be here. SO, DS, & I are excited to see you! (Insert random stuff about work schedules).
I saw your emails to J & J, and unfortunately we will not be attending any events where (my dad) is present.
I need help with the next part. I want to say something like, "his behavior during his last interaction with SO was completely inappropriate and I do not want a toxic person such as him around my son."
But she wasn't informed of the event, so I don't know if I should give her less information? Or more? She will also try and guilt me into going anyway cause she's old and family is important and she wants us all in one room and she only comes up twice a year and blah blah blah. I need to be very firm with her.
Advice please? Sorry so long!