Hi all. This is my first time posting but I've been lurking for a few days... anyway...
I'm 27 years old and DH and I are expecting our first LO in about 3 weeks. On top of normal first mom jitters I'm also developing extreme anxiety about, what I'm afraid will be a boundry stomping grandfather.
This wil be my father's first grandchild and he's a little more excited than he should be. He's even taken it upon himself to buy a baby swing, play pen, and crib to keep at his house. I've told him multiple times that I didn't understand why he was spending so much money on things he doesn't need. I've tried to set resonable expectatios for him and let him know that I absolutely do not plan on letting him babysit often and esp. not over night.
He talks about being the first one to take baby fishing and on other outings when she is old enough. I've told him that this baby has a father so any "firsts" will be with myself or her father. He also has a habit of referring to baby as "my baby" and I HATE HATE HATE it! It's a huge pet peeve and really gets under my skin. I'm constantly saying no, this is mine and my husband's baby. You had nothing to do with it!
He's made comments about how he was a bad father to me and he wants to make up for it by being there for my baby and being the best grandfather ever. I've told him that I'm not having a child in order for him to have a "do over". He has to live with his mistakes and I get to raise my child the way I want.
He makes comments about how he's going to stop by every day after the baby is born to see her. He says he won't be staying long just 10 or 15 mins. "What's 10 or 15 mins. a day?" he asked me the other day. I told him he could stop by all he wanted but that didn't mean I would open the door for him. I've tried really hard to set expectations but he basically looks me dead in the eye and tells me he will be stepping all over my boundries. I guess my question is if you all have any suggestions about what I can do now to prove that I mean what I say when it comes to my boundries? Should I go ahead and do a TO? I'm torn because this is the first time in my life I've acutally had a real relationship with my father and I don't want that to be completely ruined. My DH has said that if I wanted him to he had no problem with being the bad guy but I feel like I should deal with my family and he with his.