So, my DD is 3 and a half, and I had major trouble with my MIL in the past. She isnt as bad anymore but that's mostly because we don't see her much anymore. And also because both DH and I stood up to her and called her out on her shit. My FIL was always pretty passive and in my opinion, just plain kinda dumb when it came to his ideas about what I should and shouldn't do with my child. Stupid stuff, like I was going to make her bow-legged by letting her stand on my lap with a little weight on her legs at a couple months old. At that time, it was nothing so overboard that I just kinda chuckled at him and rolled my eyes, maybe make a snide comment back about it or something, but he wasn't even close to the boundary stomping baby grabbing asshole that MIL was.
But...as of recently...
Both he and MIL have argued with me about my food choices for my DD and what I allow and don't allow.
So This happened a week or so ago... my inlaws were my last resort in my choice of people to pick me and DD up at the airport when we came back home to visit. (We have been on the road all over the country for my DHs job, and I needed to fly back home and take care of some stuff). I also figured if they picked us up that maybe that would be enough time spent with them and maybe I wouldn't be harassed to go see them while I am here. Give them a little and hope they are satisfied type of deal.
Anyway, so we are in the car with them, and they wanted to stop and eat before they dropped us off, no big deal. DD and I were starving anyway. Well my DD is obsessed with cheeseburgers. She would eat nothing else if I allowed it. So they ask her what she wants to eat, and of course it is a cheeseburger. I say no, that she needs to have something else instead, and DD says no, she wants a cheeseburger, and I said not tonight but maybe another time. Well both MIL and FIL start arguing with me to "Awww just get the girl a cheeseburger mommy!" And again I said no, she needs something healthier, and that's that. MIL huffs and rolls her eyes, and FIL says "that mean ole mommy, she never let's you have anything good, she's no fun".
I immediately said, "come on, dude, you can't say that crap, especially in front of DD, come on, she will repeat that, and it's not nice". Nothing much else was said about it.
At the dinner, I stood up to take DD in to wash her hands before the food came, standard thing we do, but my MIL is the one who doesn't like washing her hands, like ever. (I have posted this about her here in the past, probably on the best of threads or something) she won't wash up, like, ever. Not after pissing or crapping in the bathroom, nothing. It's so gross. (I have paid close attention to this and set up ways of being sure she actually didn't run the sink at all after using the toilet. It's pretty comical in a really nasty kind of way.)
Anyway, Que MIL whipping out her stash of wet-naps from her purse (the kind they give you at like a rib and BBQ joint at the table. Those things suck. No. Just no.) And she's arguing with me about how DD doesn't need to wash her hands, just use these, and then, "what, are my wet-naps not good enough for you?"
At that point I said no they weren't good enough at all, and if I wanted to use just wipes to clean her hands, I would use the ones that I have for if we are ever in a pinch, and then I walked off with DD and went and washed our hands.
Sorry, so back to FIL. Well, after dinner and after ILs finally dropped us off at home (and I felt blatantly reminded from that experience on why they are on LC, omg they were so annoying!), my sister came and picked up DD to have her spend the night at her house. They are besties. They are eachother favorite person, and they both were dying to see eachother. She spent the night with my sister. Yay, everyone is happy.
The next day, FIL stopped by to grab something from the garage that he needed to borrow from my DH. No biggie, I just hoped he would leave in a hurry. I answer the door and first thing he asks is where is the little girl? (DD) I say oh she's with her Auntie Kelley. He said "oh, I wanted to see her. Make sure you bring her over to our house while you are here blah blah". I just gave the obligatory, sure sure, I will see what's going on, whatever and then he left. Ok, so no big deal, right?
Well, yesterday, which is like 4 days after he came here to get the thing from the garage, he shows up to return it. He called my DH and DH called and warned me he was coming. No big deal.
Well, yesterday morning, my DD went off with my sister again, a planned day, just the two of them. (And I'm enjoying my quiet house!)
FIL shows up and asks "where's my girl at? I wanna see my little girl". I told him "MY little girl is with her auntie Kelley again, off having some fun with her favorite person other than mommy. Shes coming back around 8 tonight"
That's when FIL spews this lovely crap: "it seems like you must not want that little girl anymore, just give her to me, I will take her home to grandma, and Paw (I hate that name btw. We don't call him that) will take good care of her. Paw wants her"
That floored me. I was pissed. I couldn't address it because I would have lost it on him. I froze. Failed I guess. All I managed to say is that my DD missed her auntie Kelley and loves her just so much, and when we leave to go back to DHs job site who knows how long it will be before DD sees auntie Kelley again.
This really hurt my feelings. I couldn't believe he said it. I haven't told DH yet, but I will. Not only did he say I must not want my kiddo, but I ended up actually questioning myself over if I allowed my sister and kiddo too much time together. Which, once I was able to think rationally about it, NO! There's NOTHING wrong with my DD going with my sister overnight now and then, especially after they haven't seen eachother in a long time. My sister is the one DD will go to if something were to happen to both DH and I. But Fucking FIL had me second guessing myself with that comment.
Where do I go from here? I want to address it with FIL but is that the right thing to do? I swear I had a nice shiny spine up until that comment. I built my spine up after I went thru so much crap during post partum time and up until DD was almost 2, all the crap MIL pulled on me, some terrible stuff. I showed that bitch my spine on several occasions too, and after a decent TO she finally straightened up a little. (My MIL is also the one who let DD, just over 2 at the time, run 50yards or so ahead of her in the very busy street and then when I saw it and I flipped out in her she actually told me, word for word, "well I didn't know I was supposed to hold her hand in the road!" Yeah. Long TO and NO more unsupervised visits after that one. I won't even so much as to go pee and leave her to watch DD after that mess right there)
I can give more background if needed, but HOW THE HELL DO I HANDLE FIL?
A TO is already happening anyway, both personally because I don't want to see his sorry ass, and also naturally because DD and I are headed out of state back to DH work site in a couple days from now, and we will be gone awhile.
Where do we go from here, oh Wise Ones? : )
But...as of recently...
Both he and MIL have argued with me about my food choices for my DD and what I allow and don't allow.
So This happened a week or so ago... my inlaws were my last resort in my choice of people to pick me and DD up at the airport when we came back home to visit. (We have been on the road all over the country for my DHs job, and I needed to fly back home and take care of some stuff). I also figured if they picked us up that maybe that would be enough time spent with them and maybe I wouldn't be harassed to go see them while I am here. Give them a little and hope they are satisfied type of deal.
Anyway, so we are in the car with them, and they wanted to stop and eat before they dropped us off, no big deal. DD and I were starving anyway. Well my DD is obsessed with cheeseburgers. She would eat nothing else if I allowed it. So they ask her what she wants to eat, and of course it is a cheeseburger. I say no, that she needs to have something else instead, and DD says no, she wants a cheeseburger, and I said not tonight but maybe another time. Well both MIL and FIL start arguing with me to "Awww just get the girl a cheeseburger mommy!" And again I said no, she needs something healthier, and that's that. MIL huffs and rolls her eyes, and FIL says "that mean ole mommy, she never let's you have anything good, she's no fun".
I immediately said, "come on, dude, you can't say that crap, especially in front of DD, come on, she will repeat that, and it's not nice". Nothing much else was said about it.
At the dinner, I stood up to take DD in to wash her hands before the food came, standard thing we do, but my MIL is the one who doesn't like washing her hands, like ever. (I have posted this about her here in the past, probably on the best of threads or something) she won't wash up, like, ever. Not after pissing or crapping in the bathroom, nothing. It's so gross. (I have paid close attention to this and set up ways of being sure she actually didn't run the sink at all after using the toilet. It's pretty comical in a really nasty kind of way.)
Anyway, Que MIL whipping out her stash of wet-naps from her purse (the kind they give you at like a rib and BBQ joint at the table. Those things suck. No. Just no.) And she's arguing with me about how DD doesn't need to wash her hands, just use these, and then, "what, are my wet-naps not good enough for you?"
At that point I said no they weren't good enough at all, and if I wanted to use just wipes to clean her hands, I would use the ones that I have for if we are ever in a pinch, and then I walked off with DD and went and washed our hands.
Sorry, so back to FIL. Well, after dinner and after ILs finally dropped us off at home (and I felt blatantly reminded from that experience on why they are on LC, omg they were so annoying!), my sister came and picked up DD to have her spend the night at her house. They are besties. They are eachother favorite person, and they both were dying to see eachother. She spent the night with my sister. Yay, everyone is happy.
The next day, FIL stopped by to grab something from the garage that he needed to borrow from my DH. No biggie, I just hoped he would leave in a hurry. I answer the door and first thing he asks is where is the little girl? (DD) I say oh she's with her Auntie Kelley. He said "oh, I wanted to see her. Make sure you bring her over to our house while you are here blah blah". I just gave the obligatory, sure sure, I will see what's going on, whatever and then he left. Ok, so no big deal, right?
Well, yesterday, which is like 4 days after he came here to get the thing from the garage, he shows up to return it. He called my DH and DH called and warned me he was coming. No big deal.
Well, yesterday morning, my DD went off with my sister again, a planned day, just the two of them. (And I'm enjoying my quiet house!)
FIL shows up and asks "where's my girl at? I wanna see my little girl". I told him "MY little girl is with her auntie Kelley again, off having some fun with her favorite person other than mommy. Shes coming back around 8 tonight"
That's when FIL spews this lovely crap: "it seems like you must not want that little girl anymore, just give her to me, I will take her home to grandma, and Paw (I hate that name btw. We don't call him that) will take good care of her. Paw wants her"
That floored me. I was pissed. I couldn't address it because I would have lost it on him. I froze. Failed I guess. All I managed to say is that my DD missed her auntie Kelley and loves her just so much, and when we leave to go back to DHs job site who knows how long it will be before DD sees auntie Kelley again.
This really hurt my feelings. I couldn't believe he said it. I haven't told DH yet, but I will. Not only did he say I must not want my kiddo, but I ended up actually questioning myself over if I allowed my sister and kiddo too much time together. Which, once I was able to think rationally about it, NO! There's NOTHING wrong with my DD going with my sister overnight now and then, especially after they haven't seen eachother in a long time. My sister is the one DD will go to if something were to happen to both DH and I. But Fucking FIL had me second guessing myself with that comment.
Where do I go from here? I want to address it with FIL but is that the right thing to do? I swear I had a nice shiny spine up until that comment. I built my spine up after I went thru so much crap during post partum time and up until DD was almost 2, all the crap MIL pulled on me, some terrible stuff. I showed that bitch my spine on several occasions too, and after a decent TO she finally straightened up a little. (My MIL is also the one who let DD, just over 2 at the time, run 50yards or so ahead of her in the very busy street and then when I saw it and I flipped out in her she actually told me, word for word, "well I didn't know I was supposed to hold her hand in the road!" Yeah. Long TO and NO more unsupervised visits after that one. I won't even so much as to go pee and leave her to watch DD after that mess right there)
I can give more background if needed, but HOW THE HELL DO I HANDLE FIL?
A TO is already happening anyway, both personally because I don't want to see his sorry ass, and also naturally because DD and I are headed out of state back to DH work site in a couple days from now, and we will be gone awhile.
Where do we go from here, oh Wise Ones? : )