BG: MIL is pretty all over the place. We've been TOd for over a year by her for not sending a Mother's Day card the first year we were married but she was just over the moon that I was marrying her son before that. We got back in touch and it was fine because we lived 1000 miles away. We had a baby. Still fine. A lot of myyyy baaaabyyyyy but not much other than that. Distance was a good thing. We moved and now live in the same city. She invited us to stay with her while house hunting and found out we were pregnant about a month after move in w/her. I was really sick that pregnancy and she couldn't understand that and shit started to hit the fan. I didn't clean her house, which was the least I could do after letting us stay there. I was such a slob. I was using my son as a weapon against her. We didn't have our son's best interest at heart because we were looking at inexpensive apartments (because she was threatening kicking us out). I didn't let her smelly as sewage dog lay next to me, you know because I really wanted to hoark more than the ten times a day I already was. She has a really piercing voice and I can hear a pin drop two rooms away... she started running her mouth about me, my DH, my son, my FOO, everything to anyone who would listen. It was horrid and I never told my husband about the things she said about him. They were awful and hurtful and no one should ever have to hear that their mother spoke about them that way. There is backstory to the BG but it can wait. Oh, she talked a lot of shit about FIL as well who had passed years before. I loved my FIL. He was a wonderful man but had flaws just like anyone, but he's dead, can't fix that one. This drove a bit more of a wedge between DH and MIL than was there already. Said all that to say, we left her house after she basically kicked us out and CO due to the stress and pain she was causing me.
Contacted her again when baby 2 was about 6 months old. I was being stupid thinking she may have changed as she had been in counseling. Maybe a little for the better but not much. She basically thinks she is capable of diagnosing people now that she's been in therapy. Fast forward five years, another baby, and lots of boundary stomping and undermining me which DH never sees but hears about from me.
I am pregnant again and put her in a TO a little over two months ago because again the stress of the disrespect and underhanded manipulation. Things like showing the kids stuff she brought over (Santa clausing, always brings cheap plastic crap, garage sale stuffed animals, and foods I don't allow) then saying 'but only if mommy says it's okay. And we have a no going to grandma's house rule due to her creepy ass husband who we both get the hinkies from, so she makes a point of saying 'I'd love to take you with me but mommy says no and we always listen to mommy.' I don't trust her at all.
Finally, my concern:
DH had brought up how he wanted to work on their relationship right as I wanted to ITO her. He hasn't talked to me about her since then and I haven't had any contact with her at all. So that's nice. Problem is I suspect he wants to work on it, which is really out of character for him, he'll CO at the drop of a hat, burn those bridges, never look back. I spoke with him about it the other night and he said 'I support, well, I'm not going against what you want but yes I do want a relationship because she's my mother.' He doesn't understand why I'm feeling so strongly about the CO. I asked how/if he is going to forget everything that happened. His answer was 'I just let it go.' I brought up her TO us for the phone call instead of MD card and he's all 'you're still holding on to that? I forgot about it.' I can't rug sweep what I heard and what she's done and I really can't believe he is going to. So I just let him run headlong back into that shitshow? Am I going to be the bad guy who won't let her see the kids? I hate being here in this spot right now.
Contacted her again when baby 2 was about 6 months old. I was being stupid thinking she may have changed as she had been in counseling. Maybe a little for the better but not much. She basically thinks she is capable of diagnosing people now that she's been in therapy. Fast forward five years, another baby, and lots of boundary stomping and undermining me which DH never sees but hears about from me.
I am pregnant again and put her in a TO a little over two months ago because again the stress of the disrespect and underhanded manipulation. Things like showing the kids stuff she brought over (Santa clausing, always brings cheap plastic crap, garage sale stuffed animals, and foods I don't allow) then saying 'but only if mommy says it's okay. And we have a no going to grandma's house rule due to her creepy ass husband who we both get the hinkies from, so she makes a point of saying 'I'd love to take you with me but mommy says no and we always listen to mommy.' I don't trust her at all.
Finally, my concern:
DH had brought up how he wanted to work on their relationship right as I wanted to ITO her. He hasn't talked to me about her since then and I haven't had any contact with her at all. So that's nice. Problem is I suspect he wants to work on it, which is really out of character for him, he'll CO at the drop of a hat, burn those bridges, never look back. I spoke with him about it the other night and he said 'I support, well, I'm not going against what you want but yes I do want a relationship because she's my mother.' He doesn't understand why I'm feeling so strongly about the CO. I asked how/if he is going to forget everything that happened. His answer was 'I just let it go.' I brought up her TO us for the phone call instead of MD card and he's all 'you're still holding on to that? I forgot about it.' I can't rug sweep what I heard and what she's done and I really can't believe he is going to. So I just let him run headlong back into that shitshow? Am I going to be the bad guy who won't let her see the kids? I hate being here in this spot right now.