I need some help on my FOO. I'm not sure about them. I can't tell if they're boundary stomping or what they are. here's some Background- I have an older sister, older brother and younger sister. my older sister is 21, my older brother is 24, my younger sister is 16 and I am 19. My older sister had a baby at 19 (almost 20) so her daughter is now 14 months. very cute. she was born with medical issues (relevant, I promise) though we didn't know the extent of the issues until she was born. when OS was 37 weeks she had to have a checkup at a hospital four hours away (the only hospital in our area that could do surgery on newborns if necessary) so, my mom, OS, YS, and I went down to the hospital as a "girls day". OS ended up having to deliver that day because DNi stopped swallowing amniotic fluid. the whole time the doctor was telling us this, my YS was texting on her phone the whole time, paying no attention. rude, but whatever. well, OS delivered that night and had her Husband, my mom, and her MIL in the delivery room with her. after DNi was born she was immediately taken away to run tests, do surgery and what not. Turns out DNi's medical issues were worse than they thought. So, in the recovery room was OS, YS, Mom, me and OS' husband. the surgeon came in to tell us that DNi will have medical issues for the rest of her life and it will change everything, she will never be able to eat normally. It was devestating news. well, the whole time we were being told and my OS was crying, my YS was texting on her phone the whole time. I was pissed. I hissed in her ear "PUTTTTT YOURRR DAMNNN PHONNNNE DOWNNN". she huffed (because how rude of ME) but she put her phone away. and her mentallity about this whole thing was "Whatever" UNTIL she found out no one could hold DNi for a while because she was in the NICU with all these tubes. THEN she started crying "BUT I WANT TO HOLD HER" and tears were pouring down her face. poor YS, how devestating for you to have to not get to hold her. DNi's own damn mother didn't get to hold her either, but it was all about YS. so I was pissed, again. I said "stop being so damn selfish." that is end of story 1.
now I'm pregnant, 36 weeks along. And I decided to set some boundaries. NO ONE but SO in the delivery room with me. OS said "not even mom?! you're going to want someone there to support you." I said "that's why SO will be there." she said "well, what if he ends up fighting with you? you're going to want someone to have your back." I said "WTF?! why would he fight with me, while I'm pushing his baby out?!" and she said "well, my STBXH fought with me the whole time because he wasn't the center of attention and Mom was great and very supportive." I said "well SO isn't a piece of shit like your STBXH" and she said "just think about it" and it ended there (I already told SO that him being there is MY decision so if he acts like a POS than he'll miss out on the birth, he understood.). THEN my mom was like "well, you may want your mom in there. I sure did." and I said "why would I? I have all the support I need with my SO" and she said "well I'll just be a phone call away" (I already set the rule of NO ONE in the waiting room while I'm laboring/delivering. too much stress and too much could go wrong with that) the rule was ORIGINALLY that we wouldn't call ANYONE when we went into labor because we didn't want people stopping by, calling or texting. and my mom cried so hard. saying "I won't even know when my baby is going through the most life changing experience of her life!" fine, reasonable. so I just said no one in waiting room and no one in delivery except SO. end of this story.
so my YS is a complete baby hog. and I want to know if she is just my BEC or if my feelings of annoyance and anger towards her are justified. she acts like DNi is hers. ALL THE TIME. every time she comes into the room she kisses DNi's head and just grabs her. doesn't matter if anyone else is holding her or not. and every time DNi laughs or smiles she always says some shit like "You love your Aunt, don't you?" and just get in her face for kisses. no matter what DNi is giggling at. like, if I do something to make her laugh than YS comes running and gets in her face and she's like "OH I'M FUNNY AREN'T I??" i always push her away thinking "piss off, bitch". DNi usually cries when my SO holds her because his voice is really deep and he has this huge beard. DNi is used to girls and my stepdad. so every time he holds DNi my YS always makes a stupid comment. like, "You're scaring her! *comes to DNi's rescue and takes her from him*" or "how are you supposed to be a good father when you always freak out baby's?" that one pissed me off. end of that story.
NEXT STORY (haha sorry this is so stinking long!) since my DNi was born with medical issues we had to go for monthly ultrasounds. well, around 30 weeks they found that LO may have what DNi has. and sadly, my mom and OS were there with me and SO. my mom kept trying to talk about it. she asked me what I thought 10 minutes after we heard the news. I said "I'd really just like to go home, cry and discuss it with SO before talking to anyone else about it." so she said fine. we planned another ultrasound a month later to see if it fixed itself. and two days before the next ultrasound my mom kept talking about it. I was staying positive, but my mom kept shooting down my positive thoughts. and she said "well, at least DNi will have a Best Friend/cousin that has the same tubes as her! (feeding tube)" and that hurt me. because she pretty much said "well, even though your LO will have medical problems for the rest of her life, at least DNi will feel normal." just completely downplaying the situation. she also said "well, if it IS the same thing than at least this family has gone through it before". I went home and cried. my SO and I both had the feeling that she secretly wanted something to be wrong with LO. and after we found out LO was fine we told her and she said "yaaaaaay (monotone)" completely confirmed my thoughts.
so, I guess what I'm asking is how do I make sure YS isn't so damn annoying with our LO. we already said she can't hold LO until LO can hold up her own head. and we said NO kissing until LO gets her shots (it's going to be flu season and I know for a fact that YS would just say it's allergies if she is sick.) and I want ways to shut down the fact that she acts like she birthed other peoples children. it's annoying and offensive. (she thanks people that call DNi cute. SHE THANKS THEM ALL LIKE "yeah, I created this so thanks for saying she's cute"). and am I crazy or does my Mother have the potential to go BSC or be a boundary stomper? my OS is pregnant as well, a few weeks behind me and a month after she gives birth she has to fly out of state for DNi medical issues and my mom is making her leave OS's LO with her while they leave for a few days because "that'll be too much for you to carry". so, during her first month PP she's going to have to pump extra and freeze it (her first time dealing with anything breastmilk).
what do I do? how do I deal with YS and Mom?