BG: My MIL is my BEC. I refer to her and MILEC. Anyways, she's gotten quite boundary stomping after my second son was born. I've been limiting contact, she's cried on the phone with DH at least twice so I assume I am doing something right but there's lots of room for improvement. We decided to have a small first birthday party. This makes MILEC upset because faaaaaaamily (small is already at 20 people without additional extended family, she's upset that great aunts, cousins, etc aren't invited). So then she wanted to do a "little something" for my baby at thanksgiving when the whole family is around. We said no. Boundary stomp I think, especially because thanksgiving is before his birthday. She was probably upset but we adamantly said no. Relevant to this is DH and I both work 8-12 hour unpredictable shift work.
Issue: thanksgiving is this weekend (Canada). Over a week ago I got called in for a 12 hours shift on Sunday which is the day we were originally going to do dinner with them. I told MILEC right away and she immediately responded that "DH can just bring the boys" I guarantee you that if my DH was called in she would try and move it at least. I said that doesn't work for us it's DS2s first thanksgiving and the very last first holiday. She said "well you're having dinner on Saturday with your family so it will be his second" I stopped responding and figured I would talk to DH about it after he was done work. She texted him a bunch and even went as far as asking if he would call her FIRST on his next break (she put it in caps even, and he called me first). When she talked to him she cried on the phone about not seeing the kids on thanksgiving. He told her she should move it if it was important to her. She said she would try but wanted Saturday so I moved dinner with my family to the Monday, they are flexible. Today DH said she told him she can't Move it because a few other family members couldn't go and she had already planned it for Sunday.
Question: DH asked what now. I don't want him or the kids to go. He wants to go (mainly for food I think, he was working the whole weekend last year and missed out and we didn't go at all and she didn't cry). What would DWIL do? Am I overreacting?
Issue: thanksgiving is this weekend (Canada). Over a week ago I got called in for a 12 hours shift on Sunday which is the day we were originally going to do dinner with them. I told MILEC right away and she immediately responded that "DH can just bring the boys" I guarantee you that if my DH was called in she would try and move it at least. I said that doesn't work for us it's DS2s first thanksgiving and the very last first holiday. She said "well you're having dinner on Saturday with your family so it will be his second" I stopped responding and figured I would talk to DH about it after he was done work. She texted him a bunch and even went as far as asking if he would call her FIRST on his next break (she put it in caps even, and he called me first). When she talked to him she cried on the phone about not seeing the kids on thanksgiving. He told her she should move it if it was important to her. She said she would try but wanted Saturday so I moved dinner with my family to the Monday, they are flexible. Today DH said she told him she can't Move it because a few other family members couldn't go and she had already planned it for Sunday.
Question: DH asked what now. I don't want him or the kids to go. He wants to go (mainly for food I think, he was working the whole weekend last year and missed out and we didn't go at all and she didn't cry). What would DWIL do? Am I overreacting?