Apologies to the queens for posting and commenting from multiple acct's (a bottle of rumchata to each of you is in the mail). This account is the one with my BG so I'll keep writing with this account. (The other is the one I use in my birth board. Don't as me why I have 2, I couldn't tell ya).
The previous post is here. In the meantime I hope this can stay open. I'm getting lots of mixed advice but all of it is good. I'll post answers to some of your questions below.
Original post:
Hi Ladies,
My BG is on here but, in a nutshell, ILs went bsc before, during, and after our wedding due to feeling upset that SIL wouldn't be in the wedding and generally catering to her teenage nonsense. It led to a huge TO. They eventually apologized to DH- parents and SIL- genuine apology. We put them on ELC for about a year and only just started seeing them with more regularity once LO was born.
Overall, there haven't been any boundary stomps since LO, surprisingly. The worst I can say is that MIL offers to watch the baby often but I bean dip. That's it. Not bad, considering how crazy they are.
They're huge on holidays. Huge. When DH and I started living together I told him we need to start our own traditions and not be guilted when his parents would inevitably call and express their sads at him not being at whatever holiday was coming up. This was always an issue until they went bsc and holidays were off the table. The first to go was thanksgiving. This was 2 years ago.
For the past 2 years we've had beautiful thanksgivings. Cooking together. Decorating together. Relaxing together. And we both laugh and agree this is the perfect day.
This year, however, his fm brother is visiting with their new baby and the IL's are dying to have all the faaaaaamily over. They want to be there when the babies meet.
However, not only do I not want to give up my holiday to spend it with them, I also don't want to deal with planning my sons schedule around their day. I don't want him napping there which would mean we'd need to leave within 1.5 hrs after arriving since it takes 20 to get there and 20 to go home. Plus he's never met Bil, wife, or baby and gets overwhelmed easily. We're driving to my dads the next day and I want a well rested relaxed baby for the drive.
But if I'm being truly, truly honest- I don't want to spend my holiday with them and don't want to deal with the double baby rabies. If I'm continuing being honest I'll say I never truly forgave them for their BEC nonsense. Finally, bil was a huge fm when all this went down and I will absolutely never forgive him for insinuating I was being a drama queen and to give ILs what they want because faaaaamiky and they'll be dead soon. Also, his wife is my BEC. Big time.
DH is fine with us staying home but is very clear he would like to "give this to them" but will stay home if that's what I want. He's not saying that to them but still- Im left feeling like a grinch. I offered bil come over either early that day or the following for a short visit between babies in a quiet setting and bil wants DH to call "not to belabor the issue- but to see what can be done to Have us all over at ILs and faaaaamily".
So dh is having a nutty day at work but will likely respond later. Before he does, am I just being a grinch (with a b) or is it ok that I just want this (all, really) holidays to be just nuclear family!
Give it to me straight, DWIL. Edited because I can spell. Also, not hair flipping. Just boring baby to sleep and phones about to die.