Because my husband was fucking JADEing and, when they discussed the issue in question, threw me under the bus.
The issue: MIL wants us to live with them when we get out of the military. She wants to get a place with a big yard and have us live in a guest cabin in the back while we go to school. This would be us and two kids, btw.
Right? Yeah, I said fuck no, too. My part-time DuH was trying to explain (on the phone) why it isn't a good idea, but he did this by saying that *I* am worried because I read all these horror stories on this internet forum thing. Son of a bitch. So he basically tells her that I'm worried she is going to turn into an obsessive, smothering, over-bearing passive-aggressive monster-in-law (which she will) because he "didn't know how to explain it and didn't feel comfortable telling them that we didn't want to see that much of them". I'm in prego-rage-monster mode, so I need to know how much of a dickhead he was being and how I should handle this in the future. I already told him that he is to explain why he didn't feel comfortable living with them without mentioning me at all if he had to explain. I told him that No is a complete sentence and that "that won't work for us" is all the answer she is entitled to. She wants him to convince me that it is a good idea, so the lines are clearly drawn in her head. She said that I worry too much and that we would discuss it when we got there for Christmas. I can't really understand why this enraged me so much except that it invalidates my feelings and disregards my wishes.
Then, when we were skyping right after, she points out to my husband in this little "sneaky" sing-song voice see, look how happy LO is to see her, blah blah. She didn't know that I was somewhat privy to the conversation and knew what she was getting at. It was intensely obvious IRL. Stab stabby stab stab.
I know that this is mostly my hubby's (and my) fault. My MIL is actually kind of afraid of me because she knows my hubby will side with me if she pushes me (they never got along well before we were married anyway). I'm trying to filter out my rage at the thought that she thinks she has any fucking say and think logically. How can I make this clear? Should I give any explanation at all? I know she doesn't really deserve an explanation, but she isn't an evil bitch or anything, just overly attached with a skewed normal meter and a controlling personality. I can't afford to give, but I don't want to be a bitch about it if I don't have to, KWIM? I know I've made it sound like my MIL is terrible, but she is usually very careful to respect boundaries and ask before doing ANYTHING. I feel like she is only pushing the issue because she thinks that we might budge, and I don't know if I should just deal with it or have DH keep trying. He understands where he went wrong, but he isn't sure what to say to fix it. Ugh. I don't know. I'm confused.
Will you please help me?
The issue: MIL wants us to live with them when we get out of the military. She wants to get a place with a big yard and have us live in a guest cabin in the back while we go to school. This would be us and two kids, btw.
Right? Yeah, I said fuck no, too. My part-time DuH was trying to explain (on the phone) why it isn't a good idea, but he did this by saying that *I* am worried because I read all these horror stories on this internet forum thing. Son of a bitch. So he basically tells her that I'm worried she is going to turn into an obsessive, smothering, over-bearing passive-aggressive monster-in-law (which she will) because he "didn't know how to explain it and didn't feel comfortable telling them that we didn't want to see that much of them". I'm in prego-rage-monster mode, so I need to know how much of a dickhead he was being and how I should handle this in the future. I already told him that he is to explain why he didn't feel comfortable living with them without mentioning me at all if he had to explain. I told him that No is a complete sentence and that "that won't work for us" is all the answer she is entitled to. She wants him to convince me that it is a good idea, so the lines are clearly drawn in her head. She said that I worry too much and that we would discuss it when we got there for Christmas. I can't really understand why this enraged me so much except that it invalidates my feelings and disregards my wishes.
Then, when we were skyping right after, she points out to my husband in this little "sneaky" sing-song voice see, look how happy LO is to see her, blah blah. She didn't know that I was somewhat privy to the conversation and knew what she was getting at. It was intensely obvious IRL. Stab stabby stab stab.
I know that this is mostly my hubby's (and my) fault. My MIL is actually kind of afraid of me because she knows my hubby will side with me if she pushes me (they never got along well before we were married anyway). I'm trying to filter out my rage at the thought that she thinks she has any fucking say and think logically. How can I make this clear? Should I give any explanation at all? I know she doesn't really deserve an explanation, but she isn't an evil bitch or anything, just overly attached with a skewed normal meter and a controlling personality. I can't afford to give, but I don't want to be a bitch about it if I don't have to, KWIM? I know I've made it sound like my MIL is terrible, but she is usually very careful to respect boundaries and ask before doing ANYTHING. I feel like she is only pushing the issue because she thinks that we might budge, and I don't know if I should just deal with it or have DH keep trying. He understands where he went wrong, but he isn't sure what to say to fix it. Ugh. I don't know. I'm confused.
Will you please help me?