We ended a year long TO with my mother and her partner in August of last year. They live 1800 miles away, but this year for the first time are spending the summer up here. Without making this post super long, I was pregnant at the time the TO was ended, and all has gone okay with some boundary pushing (but not over stepping until this happened). Our baby was born (she is our rainbow baby after 5 m/c in a row) and got sick with sepsis. My mother was nowhere to be seen, but constantly texting for updates. I sheepishly gave them as she pretended to be GMOTY updating EVERYONE (we kept this off FB). We spent nearly 2 weeks in the hospital with all 3 of our children while our baby recovered, though we nearly lost her. I am resentful of my mother for not being there for us during that time, but then again - I knew it would happen. We have also been having problems with breastfeeding, as she couldn't nurse while on oxygen, so I was pumping every 2 hours round the clock and recently we discovered she has a lip tie - meanwhile I have had thrush twice, mastitis twice, adn am very sore!
So we have been limiting time with my mother as she raced up here 6 weeks after my daughter's birth for my SIL's due date because she was invited into the delivery room (she was not for my birth, and therefore didn't even bother coming up when baby was born or when we almost lost her at 5 days old). Yet, my mother expects me to want to spend a ton of time with her. We have spent SOME time, but anyway...That's just a little back story.
So, we haven't been to a lot of social gatherings due to DH working 6 days/week, multiple health appointments for the baby, and just having a family with 3 young children and most of the gatherings starting too late for us.
We weren't invited by another family member to his daughter's birthday party, but my mother took it upon herself to invite us 5 days before the party. We declined as my husband was working that day and I don't go to social gatherings without DH at this point (baby just had surgery, etc). The party was held at my grandmother's house who my mother is staying with this summer while she is here. Come to find out, my mother and her partner purchased a gift for the child (who is technically my cousin, but I have only met briefly twice) - and they labeled the gift "from DS1, DS1, DD1" (our 3 children).
I was kind of confused as to why they did this first of all because they barely know our children, and secondly b/c the birthday girl has NO IDEA who my children are. I was a bit put out, asked why they did that, and when they said, "Don't get you DARE get MAD at us", I chalked it up to me being ridiculous about petty things and let it go.
Until this week. DH is ill now and has been out of work for 2 weeks. There is another party this coming Saturday for my DN who is turning 2. I have had my hands full, needless to say, and aside from my mother driving my LO and I to her surgery last week, she has been working (travel nurse) and her partner is without a vehicle and staying 30 minutes away. (As an aside, once again I thought my mother might be emotionally available to me as my LO went through surgery, but she played on her phone the ENTIRE TIME while I sat there and cried in the waiting room. This is AFTER having a heart to heart about everything we've been through and her not being there to help during the M/Cs, either (part of the reason we TOed)).
Anyway, DN's birthday is coming and we will probably not be going b/c of DH. They keep pushign and pushing for me to leave DH home and bring the kids, but there is a pool (no fence) and my kids don't swim alone and frankly I do not trust my family to help me adequately. I do also have some PPD/PPA going on, so that may be heightening the not wanting to go. I do not want to 'pass the baby' around. I always baby wear in social situations if there are more than a few people around b/c of everything she's been through.
I asked my mother and her partner NOT to purchase anything for DN and mark it as 'from' our children, as we do want to get her something and plan to when we can afford it (DH already missed 4 weeks of work when LO was ill and for various appointments). I know they are upset because #1 they want us to be at the party so they can play GPOTY and #2 they don't like it when we set boundaries with them.
Am I being petty? Is this a non issue? I wonder b/c of the PPD/PPA.