Help me DWIL! I need to know if I am being unreasonable, or if I should make this my Hill to die on.
Me and DH use his parents to watch our DD (21 months) on Saturday afternoons so we can get couples counseling and run errands. They are usually pretty decent people, and I trust them with her in their home. My MIL jumps rope with boundaries, and likes to co-parent, but compared to my toxic and cut off FOO, she is a wonderful grandmother.
This weekend (tomorrow) they want to bring DD about an hour's drive away to visit BIL. I have in the past trusted them to drive around town with her, and even this drive in particular, but with me in the car. I do not feel comfortable with them driving so long without me, or DH. We would be meeting them out there a few hours later, and I see no reason why they cannot just wait for us.
DH lost it on me when I asked him to call his parents and change the plans. I flat out told him I was being over-protective, and he could throw me under the bus if he could not find a better way to phrase it. He thinks since I am the one with the issue, I should confront them.
And trust me, if I confront them, I will be laying down a LOT more boundaries! MIL is my BEC, and while i can see she is truly a loving and caring grandmother, I feel she is to enmeshed with DH, and has a mild case of baby rabies. Me confronting them will change the entire dynamic of our relationship. I do not think this is necessary at this time. I just CO'd 99% of my family in the last few weeks, and I might just keep the trend going with his if given free range over them.
There is more to this... Nephew (9 yo) has some sensory/social issues, and has (IMO) been a bit rough with LO. Not to the point of hurting or threatening her, just doesn't notice there is a size difference between them. DH gets annoyed when I point this out, and thinks I am looking for reasons to not like his family. I think that his parents would have no problem allowing them to play alone together in his room.
TRIGGER:
I had a very abusive childhood. Physical and sexual. Because of this I do not trust ANYONE to be alone with my child. Especially behind closed doors. Not until she can clearly fight back, or call for help.
END TRIGGER
Somehow this makes me the bad guy for wanting to protect her.
Please tell me if I am just being overprotective. If not, I need some sound advice on how to get DUH on the same page as me. I get a lot of "that's just how she is" and I need to know how to open his eyes.