So let me start by saying I know I have a slight DuH problem, this was pointed out to me on a previous post, and although he's not completely where he needs to be he's doing much better and we're working hard on him breaking away. And myself, well I've posted on here once or twice and have been lurking and learning to build my spine and take up for myself.
BG: MIL has no idea what normal boundaries look like and we've had problems from day one, but it really became a problem when we found out that we were expecting our first LO. Naming her, child care, who I want in the delivery room, I could go on and on. I successfully shut her down and set the boundaries that I was comfortable with (I thought.)
FF to thanksgiving, she casually informs me that she will be taking a week off from work when LO is born so she can spend time with her baaabbbbyyyyy. Um. No. I respond with "No MIL, DH and I have decided that visitations will be very limited for at least the first week because DH won't have much time off of work and we want time as a nuclear family" .. I know I shouldn't have explained anything, but I'm working on it.. She seems like her bubble was busted, but moved on. Well DH tells me yesterday that she called him crying, going on and on about how she will not try to be involved in LO's life anymore and whatever contact we want her to have, we can tell her. Which is how it should be BUT she was trying to have a pity party. He tells her the same thing I said and that feelings were not meant to be hurt. So here's where I take my huge step in the wrong direction: I feel bad for constantly being the bad guy and decide to send this message, "I just wanted to tell you that if I hurt your feelings about visitation the first week of LO being home I did not mean to. That was not my intention at all. Me and DH want to be able to spend time with her and bond as a family before he goes back to work so we made the decision to limit visits during the first week. My intention is not to keep her from you or not let you be the grandma you want to be, I just want you to understand that we need time as a family and that will not be possible if we have visitors everyday.. But by no means am I saying that you can not come see her at all, just not all day everyday.. I think you take a lot of the things I say the wrong way, maybe I need to word them a different way, idk, but anything that I've said that hurt your feelings I want you to know I never intended to, and it's not just you that I'm saying these things to. It's my family also. I understand all of you guys are excited and all, but we need everybody to understand that we're even more excited and are not trying to do anything that hurts anyone. Anyway I don't mean to keep rambling on, I just wanted to tell you that. TTYL" SHOOT ME!!! .. Well she reads it but never responds, now we have a dinner at her house today and I don't even know what to say. I'm pissed that I made an effort when I never should have and she just blew me off after whining to DH. So my question is what should my next step be?
BG: MIL has no idea what normal boundaries look like and we've had problems from day one, but it really became a problem when we found out that we were expecting our first LO. Naming her, child care, who I want in the delivery room, I could go on and on. I successfully shut her down and set the boundaries that I was comfortable with (I thought.)
FF to thanksgiving, she casually informs me that she will be taking a week off from work when LO is born so she can spend time with her baaabbbbyyyyy. Um. No. I respond with "No MIL, DH and I have decided that visitations will be very limited for at least the first week because DH won't have much time off of work and we want time as a nuclear family" .. I know I shouldn't have explained anything, but I'm working on it.. She seems like her bubble was busted, but moved on. Well DH tells me yesterday that she called him crying, going on and on about how she will not try to be involved in LO's life anymore and whatever contact we want her to have, we can tell her. Which is how it should be BUT she was trying to have a pity party. He tells her the same thing I said and that feelings were not meant to be hurt. So here's where I take my huge step in the wrong direction: I feel bad for constantly being the bad guy and decide to send this message, "I just wanted to tell you that if I hurt your feelings about visitation the first week of LO being home I did not mean to. That was not my intention at all. Me and DH want to be able to spend time with her and bond as a family before he goes back to work so we made the decision to limit visits during the first week. My intention is not to keep her from you or not let you be the grandma you want to be, I just want you to understand that we need time as a family and that will not be possible if we have visitors everyday.. But by no means am I saying that you can not come see her at all, just not all day everyday.. I think you take a lot of the things I say the wrong way, maybe I need to word them a different way, idk, but anything that I've said that hurt your feelings I want you to know I never intended to, and it's not just you that I'm saying these things to. It's my family also. I understand all of you guys are excited and all, but we need everybody to understand that we're even more excited and are not trying to do anything that hurts anyone. Anyway I don't mean to keep rambling on, I just wanted to tell you that. TTYL" SHOOT ME!!! .. Well she reads it but never responds, now we have a dinner at her house today and I don't even know what to say. I'm pissed that I made an effort when I never should have and she just blew me off after whining to DH. So my question is what should my next step be?