My mom was just here. She was here to help out while I recover from brain surgery. She did many things that pissed me off. I contronted her and shut her down several times. This is not the first time she has done this, but I think having my brain messed with has made me more sensitive to her shenangians. Now I am second guessing myself that I did not do it at the appropriate time. A few examples.
1. She "bribed" my kids that if they behaved she would take them to the store and buy them a toy. Of course the kids tell me. She was in the other room so I went in and told her that we do not bribe the kids. They know how they are expected to behave . Also, we have a house FULL of toys and they don't need anymore. When I told DH about it he went off on her. The kids were present.
2. She told the kids she would take them out to lunch on Friday (yesterday). Then she mentioned it to me. The kids were present when I told her that would not work as I had an appointment right after lunch and there would not be enough time to go to lunch and get to my appointment. Cue tantrum from one of my kids. I told her to ask me FIRST before saying anything to the kids.
So, when is the best time to confront and shut down? In the moment, even if kids are present? Wait until the kids are not around? If it was dangerous I would not wait, but what about other situations?