Been lurking on DWIL for awhile, have learned loads, but now I need some specific advice on my own situation!
Background - DH and I have been together for 6 years and married for 2 months. No kids yet! My NDad was a nightmare in the lead up to our wedding, and with advice from lurking on DWIL and DH's support, I put NDad on ELC before the wedding and then CO right after.
We kept MIL and FIL (and most people) out of the loop on NDad's crap because it was none of their business. MIL is very self-absorbed, so she was pretty wrapped up in making whatever she could about herself anyway. She was rude in the lead up to and even on our wedding day. I let DH know I was not happy, but he brushed it off as that's just how she is. DH and MIL have never been close; BIL was the golden child until he flunked out of college around the same time DH's career started going really well.
Right after the wedding, PIL booked their tickets to visit DH and I for Christmas - we live 8 hours flight away and PIL were pretty excited for their 8 day visit, staying with us in our one bedroom apartment (sleeping on our foldout). Except they book their tickets and - SURPRISE - they're coming for 22 days and are making it a "second honeymoon" for themselves. ON MY COUCH. WTF. NO WAY.
I put my foot down and got a fire lit under DH, and he insisted they stay elsewhere for the extra time. They have since organized somewhere to stay for the other 14 days.
PIL then decided to visit my CO NDad in city an hour from us while they are here (since we "don't want them to stay with us" and other crap). They know he is CO from us, but he has a penthouse, private driver, etc so MIL is obsessed with going to visit him. DH stood his ground with PIL, and ignored guilt trips and health issue excuses. He told them if they visited CO NDad they were not welcome to visit us, so MIL then threatened not to come - when DH said "okay, that's your choice", FIL tried to smooth things over.
MIL then sent me a message:
Hi OP. I just wanted to write to u and say that FIL and I are both keen to visit u in City. I do get upset when I believe that DH has been really rude and does not seem to take our feelings into consideration. I had already been planning an overnight trip to NDad city and theres nothing sinister in the trip. hope u are still keen on having us visit u
I BH because, well fuck her - DH was not rude, he just didn't roll over and give into her demands. DH went ballistic at them, PIL ultimately cancelled the side trip to NDad, and MIL has been sucking up to DH ever since.
After this whole issue, I told DH I wasn't communicating with PIL separate of him and left the "family" messaging group. He doesn't like it, mainly because faaaamily (and MIL is a PITA).
Now to my issue - For the 2 weeks since, MIL keeps messaging DH asking if I have a new number, or am okay, or what is wrong and why they're not hearing from me. DH just tells her I'm busy with work. I told DH she has the ability to message me, but I won't acknowledge anything referring to NDad or insulting DH. DH told her something to that effect, and she ignored it and just keeps asking why I'm "quiet". I have received no messages from her.
DH got unicorny on me tonight and said I should just message her, because she feels uncomfortable after her last message was ignored. I told him she SHOULD feel uncomfortable, it was inappropriate and I won't just rug sweep - she needs to acknowledge it was wrong. I also pointed out she COULD message me if it was such a worry but was choosing not to, so her messages were insincere. Aside from that, I refuse to contact his parents anyway - they are his responsibility!
So, DWILers, what do I do? Stay the course and continue to BH? Reply to MIL saying her message was inappropriate?
And what to do about DH? He was great at standing his ground when MIL was acting like a bitch - but now that she is playing all concerned and innocent, his spine is failing.