I'm new to DWIL Nation, been following the past couple of weeks and need some advice on how to approach an upcoming visit of SIL & her hubby (DH's sis). DH and I eloped a year ago and I barely know his family. I don't dislike them, just don't know them or feel comfortable with them. SIL is DH's favorite sibling. The one time I met his family everyone, except DH, sat around and let their mom take care of all the cooking and cleaning.
We are expecting our first, due 12/4 and Dr. won't let me go past 12/11. Doubt baby will come early, doc thinks he'll probably be late. This is the first baby on DH's side so everyone is really excited. I'm 38 and this pregnancy had physically taken a toll on me, exhausted constantly.
SIL is stationed in Germany and planning to visit from 12/28 to 1/9 and split time with us and one of her friends that lives here. They won't be staying with us. They never checked with us to see if it would work with our schedules, just planned the trip and told us after they bought tickets. I'm sure primary reason for visit is to see baby since DH's family lives back East, we live out West and no one had ever visited DH before. He's been out West for five years.
My concerns are that (1) I probably won't feel up to hosting company for hours on end, even if they aren't staying with us; (2) they are basically strangers to me (met them once) and DH will be working and unable to take time off since he's already taking 2 weeks when baby is born; (3) they are doing a lot of traveling before ending up in our city and I'm trying to limit LOs contact with people for the first couple of months; (4) letting people decide when they visit without consulting us sets a really bad precedent so boundaries need to be established; (5) I don't want to destroy chances of developing a good relationship; and (6) DH thinks I'm just overreacting, not on my side and would love it if we just invited them to stay with us.
I do want them to see and spend time with their nephew since they live overseas and will likely only see him once a year, if that. I also realize there will still be a lot going on for me post-partum with healing, adjusting to being a mom, and all that comes with it. I'm a very private person and like my space, especially when I have a lot of change in my life.
How do I set boundaries for their visit without being crazy and burning bridges? Based on your experience, what might be reasonable for spending time with them? (In need of ideas/suggestions). How can I help DH understand? Or if I'm totally overreacting and just need to do whatever to accommodate then, let me know. I just envision them trying to camp out at my house every day or for hours at a time and that stresses me out.
We are expecting our first, due 12/4 and Dr. won't let me go past 12/11. Doubt baby will come early, doc thinks he'll probably be late. This is the first baby on DH's side so everyone is really excited. I'm 38 and this pregnancy had physically taken a toll on me, exhausted constantly.
SIL is stationed in Germany and planning to visit from 12/28 to 1/9 and split time with us and one of her friends that lives here. They won't be staying with us. They never checked with us to see if it would work with our schedules, just planned the trip and told us after they bought tickets. I'm sure primary reason for visit is to see baby since DH's family lives back East, we live out West and no one had ever visited DH before. He's been out West for five years.
My concerns are that (1) I probably won't feel up to hosting company for hours on end, even if they aren't staying with us; (2) they are basically strangers to me (met them once) and DH will be working and unable to take time off since he's already taking 2 weeks when baby is born; (3) they are doing a lot of traveling before ending up in our city and I'm trying to limit LOs contact with people for the first couple of months; (4) letting people decide when they visit without consulting us sets a really bad precedent so boundaries need to be established; (5) I don't want to destroy chances of developing a good relationship; and (6) DH thinks I'm just overreacting, not on my side and would love it if we just invited them to stay with us.
I do want them to see and spend time with their nephew since they live overseas and will likely only see him once a year, if that. I also realize there will still be a lot going on for me post-partum with healing, adjusting to being a mom, and all that comes with it. I'm a very private person and like my space, especially when I have a lot of change in my life.
How do I set boundaries for their visit without being crazy and burning bridges? Based on your experience, what might be reasonable for spending time with them? (In need of ideas/suggestions). How can I help DH understand? Or if I'm totally overreacting and just need to do whatever to accommodate then, let me know. I just envision them trying to camp out at my house every day or for hours at a time and that stresses me out.