I posted here a lot when I was pregnant with e now almost 18m. I was fighting with my IL's and going through PTSD from past events that came flooding back. I didn post about it here. I wasn't ready to talk.
Christmas time 11' my sister(14) started experiencing severe panic attacks. She was hospitalized that entire summer before. Doctors could not find a cause but I know why. My "dad" molested me. He started when I was 14. He took every single first sexual encounter from me, except sex. Although he did penetrate with objects. I was on the phone with my aunt, who was a fill in mom to me, and things got heated because she was threatening to help my dad take his four children. I went ballistic and told her. She hung up. She said she was at the store and couldn't "hear" this right now.
FF to my birthday in July- other than a few "fight" text encounters I have talked to no one except that aunt. They did not come to the birth of the baby. She told me I wasn't the first to give birth and my birth plan was ridiculous. I had no one there except my husband for the night an my daughter the next day. Then we allowed visitors. Anyway, my step mom calls me 11 times on my birthday. She doesn't leave a message but I had a feeling. I end up calling her back and she tells me she's in trouble and needs my help, she wants to leave him. I help her find a place and help her with the kids while she moves. The kids get brought back and she gives her son a cell phone. He calls his dad and alerts him of his location an runs away within a day of being home. Dad told him he'd kill himself if he didn't. A few months later she tells me she went back to him. I tell he she's not welcome at my wedding an co her.
FF the 2 years or so I have had no contact with that side of the family. I have reported to cps when she went back to him and they did nothing. My sister wouldn't admit to it and she told me even though she knew something was off there was nothing she could do. Aunt is a teacher so she was evaluated at her work for not reporting.
Said aunt has been the gatekeeper to my family. I've been disowned for being rude and spreading such hateful lies. They don't believe me and allow him around their children. The aunt text me on my birthday. She wants to do lunch. We had talked, very nicely, via text when my cousin called me screaming what did u say about papa(dads dad). Aunt had told the family I accused papa of molesting his daughter(aunt older sister) because she too has been disowned. That wasn't what I meant so I apologized. He's old and almost died on New Years. He didn't deserve to feel like I accused him of anything. During that she had said she wanted to talk and I agreed but we never set anything up. Now she wants to meet the 29th and I'm on the fence about going.
1. These people don't believe me. She called me crazy and told me I was ruining the family for not going to Christmas. I finally came clean to dh and when he found out I had to toughen up.
2. Dad has threatened to sue me on numerous occasions. Through my step mom while they were separated and once when he took my sisters cell phone.
3. I don't see the point. What changes here? He molested me an they don't believe me. If she tells me I'm lying again I'd just leave.
Part of me does want to go though. I never told her the details because I told her I couldn't handle it a month before delivery. I wasn't in an emotionally stable place with the panic attacks an nightmares to rehash something that even my fiancé at the time just touching me could trigger an attack. I want to tell her what he did so she can be educated on her choice. Other than that things will never be the same. They won't cut him off, he was sent to prison at 14 for rape and they stood by him through that. Then he got my mom pregnant at 14; he was 20 and my step mom 15 when he was 27. They started dating when she was 15 she didn't get pregnant until 18. The family blames these "idiot women" for their choices and don't see it for what it is.
So what to do? Do I go and try to make amends? Or do I let this co continue? I'm fairly confident in the answers but I've been accused so often of being "irrational" when they don't get their way that I need an outside opinion. I've already talked to my therapist since I know that's coming too.
**excuse my typos, I'm on my phone**
Christmas time 11' my sister(14) started experiencing severe panic attacks. She was hospitalized that entire summer before. Doctors could not find a cause but I know why. My "dad" molested me. He started when I was 14. He took every single first sexual encounter from me, except sex. Although he did penetrate with objects. I was on the phone with my aunt, who was a fill in mom to me, and things got heated because she was threatening to help my dad take his four children. I went ballistic and told her. She hung up. She said she was at the store and couldn't "hear" this right now.
FF to my birthday in July- other than a few "fight" text encounters I have talked to no one except that aunt. They did not come to the birth of the baby. She told me I wasn't the first to give birth and my birth plan was ridiculous. I had no one there except my husband for the night an my daughter the next day. Then we allowed visitors. Anyway, my step mom calls me 11 times on my birthday. She doesn't leave a message but I had a feeling. I end up calling her back and she tells me she's in trouble and needs my help, she wants to leave him. I help her find a place and help her with the kids while she moves. The kids get brought back and she gives her son a cell phone. He calls his dad and alerts him of his location an runs away within a day of being home. Dad told him he'd kill himself if he didn't. A few months later she tells me she went back to him. I tell he she's not welcome at my wedding an co her.
FF the 2 years or so I have had no contact with that side of the family. I have reported to cps when she went back to him and they did nothing. My sister wouldn't admit to it and she told me even though she knew something was off there was nothing she could do. Aunt is a teacher so she was evaluated at her work for not reporting.
Said aunt has been the gatekeeper to my family. I've been disowned for being rude and spreading such hateful lies. They don't believe me and allow him around their children. The aunt text me on my birthday. She wants to do lunch. We had talked, very nicely, via text when my cousin called me screaming what did u say about papa(dads dad). Aunt had told the family I accused papa of molesting his daughter(aunt older sister) because she too has been disowned. That wasn't what I meant so I apologized. He's old and almost died on New Years. He didn't deserve to feel like I accused him of anything. During that she had said she wanted to talk and I agreed but we never set anything up. Now she wants to meet the 29th and I'm on the fence about going.
1. These people don't believe me. She called me crazy and told me I was ruining the family for not going to Christmas. I finally came clean to dh and when he found out I had to toughen up.
2. Dad has threatened to sue me on numerous occasions. Through my step mom while they were separated and once when he took my sisters cell phone.
3. I don't see the point. What changes here? He molested me an they don't believe me. If she tells me I'm lying again I'd just leave.
Part of me does want to go though. I never told her the details because I told her I couldn't handle it a month before delivery. I wasn't in an emotionally stable place with the panic attacks an nightmares to rehash something that even my fiancé at the time just touching me could trigger an attack. I want to tell her what he did so she can be educated on her choice. Other than that things will never be the same. They won't cut him off, he was sent to prison at 14 for rape and they stood by him through that. Then he got my mom pregnant at 14; he was 20 and my step mom 15 when he was 27. They started dating when she was 15 she didn't get pregnant until 18. The family blames these "idiot women" for their choices and don't see it for what it is.
So what to do? Do I go and try to make amends? Or do I let this co continue? I'm fairly confident in the answers but I've been accused so often of being "irrational" when they don't get their way that I need an outside opinion. I've already talked to my therapist since I know that's coming too.
**excuse my typos, I'm on my phone**