I'm just gonna jump right in. Mil is a functional alcoholic. She always manages to stay sober for her job but the second she's home from work she's cracking open a magnum of wine and drinks until she passes out around 7pm, gets up for work around 4am, works till 3, then repeat the drinking. On the weekends she's drunk by 9am and has a minimum of two magnums, usually more.
Sometimes she's a happy drunk, sometimes she's an annoying drunk, sometimes she's a mean drunk, depends on how hammered she is.
I've known DH and her since we were teens and she didn't bother me then. DH and I never dated when we were younger. I married, had kids, and got divorced before we were more than friends. Even when we started dating though I was okay with her. I only dealt with her for short periods of time and only on the weekends when my kids were at their dad's house.
Then DH and I decided to have a baby and it all changed. She was annoying when I was pregnant because she couldn't stop freaking out over the home birth (despite the fact that DH and his brother were both born with midwives at a free-standing birth center) but DH eventually talked to her and it got better, plus it was only really a minor annoyance to start with.
Once DD was born was when it got bad. She started calling me asking us to visit and I'd let DH know so he could make plans. He works a crazy schedule and always has a better idea of when a visit might be possible. Besides that I'm a total introvert and just don't like dealing with that stuff plus I figured it's DH's side of the family so that's his stuff to deal with. Then I caught her a few times trying to hold the baby while drunk and helllllll no! Then she kept insisting that she needed to take the baby, who fucking hated strollers, for a stroller ride. To the point where she bought one for herself. This happened Despite me telling her over and over again that we have a stroller but didn't really use it because the baby doesn't like it, plus I'm a freaking babywearing educator so not rocket science to figure out my personal preference.
She also came to a couple of parties we had at our house and got loaded, including the little ones 1st birthday and my dad's 60th birthday. It was to the point where we had people commenting about her. It all came to a head when we went over to her house to celebrate Christmas. She got super drunk and mean drunk at that and started screaming and throwing things and my older kids were there as well as the baby witnessing all this. Oh and her reasoning was we weren't being social enough, again I am an introvert but the lack of being social had a hell of a lot more to do with me just not wanting to talk with someone who was drunk.
So we left and I told DH that she was not allowed around any of the kids again when she was drinking. Obviously that didn't go over so well and apparently I got called plenty of not so nice names, but whatever. She did come over to our house once since then when I was at work to watch the baby while DH built a fence. She didn't drink at all so I guess I can't complain but when I got home she wouldn't say a single word to me, just walked past and left.
DH keeps saying he doesn't want to take sides. He has taken the baby over to visit his mom a couple of times and swears she was totally sober while they were there. Now apparently she told him she wants to bury the hatchet and this is where I'm stuck. I kind of feel like I don't really have anything to apologize for. Plus, she still drinks like a fish so she still has the alcoholics mindset and won't even admit she has a problem, nevermind trying to change. On the other hand I did say I just wanted her not to drink around the kids and she seems to have done that, so maybe it's not right of me to keep holding a grudge? Ugh, I'm stuck and not sure where to go from here. Help!
Sometimes she's a happy drunk, sometimes she's an annoying drunk, sometimes she's a mean drunk, depends on how hammered she is.
I've known DH and her since we were teens and she didn't bother me then. DH and I never dated when we were younger. I married, had kids, and got divorced before we were more than friends. Even when we started dating though I was okay with her. I only dealt with her for short periods of time and only on the weekends when my kids were at their dad's house.
Then DH and I decided to have a baby and it all changed. She was annoying when I was pregnant because she couldn't stop freaking out over the home birth (despite the fact that DH and his brother were both born with midwives at a free-standing birth center) but DH eventually talked to her and it got better, plus it was only really a minor annoyance to start with.
Once DD was born was when it got bad. She started calling me asking us to visit and I'd let DH know so he could make plans. He works a crazy schedule and always has a better idea of when a visit might be possible. Besides that I'm a total introvert and just don't like dealing with that stuff plus I figured it's DH's side of the family so that's his stuff to deal with. Then I caught her a few times trying to hold the baby while drunk and helllllll no! Then she kept insisting that she needed to take the baby, who fucking hated strollers, for a stroller ride. To the point where she bought one for herself. This happened Despite me telling her over and over again that we have a stroller but didn't really use it because the baby doesn't like it, plus I'm a freaking babywearing educator so not rocket science to figure out my personal preference.
She also came to a couple of parties we had at our house and got loaded, including the little ones 1st birthday and my dad's 60th birthday. It was to the point where we had people commenting about her. It all came to a head when we went over to her house to celebrate Christmas. She got super drunk and mean drunk at that and started screaming and throwing things and my older kids were there as well as the baby witnessing all this. Oh and her reasoning was we weren't being social enough, again I am an introvert but the lack of being social had a hell of a lot more to do with me just not wanting to talk with someone who was drunk.
So we left and I told DH that she was not allowed around any of the kids again when she was drinking. Obviously that didn't go over so well and apparently I got called plenty of not so nice names, but whatever. She did come over to our house once since then when I was at work to watch the baby while DH built a fence. She didn't drink at all so I guess I can't complain but when I got home she wouldn't say a single word to me, just walked past and left.
DH keeps saying he doesn't want to take sides. He has taken the baby over to visit his mom a couple of times and swears she was totally sober while they were there. Now apparently she told him she wants to bury the hatchet and this is where I'm stuck. I kind of feel like I don't really have anything to apologize for. Plus, she still drinks like a fish so she still has the alcoholics mindset and won't even admit she has a problem, nevermind trying to change. On the other hand I did say I just wanted her not to drink around the kids and she seems to have done that, so maybe it's not right of me to keep holding a grudge? Ugh, I'm stuck and not sure where to go from here. Help!