editted word error.
Recently within the last few months I have cut off my father and his family except for my brothers (both are not really on good terms with him since he is not a very good person). I have also cut off my sister and her husband (and consequently my three handsome nephews). Sometimes I feel guilty for CO these people out of my life and I want to reach out to them but then I stop and remember that it is OK to miss them and remind myself the reasons why I decided to break ties.
Recently I learned that my dad got kicked out of where he was living (his parents). I feel like I may have put him over his tipping point in frustration and anger since I CO contact with him. I feel like because I took away my DD from him (he really hardly ever saw her since we live long distance), he went over the edge since he is unemployed (and a drug addict) with bad health. My grandparents have apparently forbidden my name to be mentioned in their house after I had to cut them off since they're an amazing pair of enablers. But, sadly, I am such a fucking emotional and sensitive person that I feel guilty for doing what's best for my mental health (and the feelings of my DD). I feel like I am keeping family from my daughter and she's going to lack something from it (lack disappointment really...). I feel like all she will ever know is DH's family.
I also CO my sister because she's a backstabbing and two-faced woman and our relationship is completely broken and NOT fixable in the least. I refuse to put any effort into that shit. Buttttt, sometimes I feel like I should sort of make some effort so I get more time with my nephews... We still send each other birthday cards from the kids, as well as presents for children on birthdays and holidays, but I will not actually speak to her ever again (or as far into the future as I see necessary).
I guess what I am trying to get at is ...
How do you remind yourself why you did what you did? I always try to remember the reasons why cutting them out of my life was the best decision ever (It really was, my stomach hardly feels queasy and I am less stressed!)
It's still recent (8 months for sister, 3 for dad and grandparents) and the wounds still hurt so very badly. Sometimes I just break down and cry, I feel like I need to reach out and say I'M sorry (wtf?!). I cry to my DH and he reassures me and cheers me up but I still feel it all the time.
Is it just a time thing?