I just wanted to say a very heartfelt thank you to all the amazing advice I received from this board last year. Lurking has also helped me with my ILs and with my extended family.
Because of DWILs:
1. We went to couples counselling with the most amazing male, non-unicorn, addictions counselor. He also happens to have two small kids and shares the same hobbies as my DH. He is kick ass. :)
2. We no longer have regularly scheduled visits with DHs family. We went from every Sunday night dinners, to every two weeks (scheduled), to no longer pre-planned visits. We see them once every 2-4 weeks for 2 hours tops. No meals, and visits are out of the house (walking our dogs or taking LO to the park).
3. My ILs have learned I don't answer the phone. Everything goes through DH and he never answers and only calls back when convenient. They aren't up our asses anymore.
4. The info train is no more! :)
5. I no longer allow them into my home if they "stop by". This happened once that I can remember, and I only remember since it was 3 weeks ago. DH wasn't at home and LO was napping. They were informed it wasn't a good time and they left, hopefully to never do it again!
6. I trust my DH and I know he puts me and LO first. It is so good to trust him again.
7. I've started going LC with one of my siblings and the space feels amazing.
Of course, I have a lot more work to do on myself. Mainly speaking up in the moment if FIL or MIL say or do something during one of our rare visits. I've just started going back to our counsellor on my own since we want to have another baby and I am feeling anxiety related to how my last pregnancy and postpartum time as a new mom were because of my ILs. I've also started reading this board more. It helps.
I honestly think the best thing we did for our marriage and family was give ourselves the gift of space from the ILs and I highly recommend it to anyone feeling overwhelmed/ anxious/ frustrated with "family".