I've been lurking and occasionally commenting for a while now, but this is the first time I felt the need to reach out for help. I felt like you ladies have strengthened my spine, but I have high anxiety right now and now my spine feels like jelly.
It's a very long story about why my father is CO, but I don't believe most of it is relevant. What is relevant is that when I was a child, he was physically and mentally abusive and very controlling. As I became an adult, he was no longer physical with me, but was otherwise still very toxic. I suspect he is a narcissist. My parents are divorced and his new wife hates me. When I still tried to maintain a relationship with him, every time I had to deal with her, it resulted in him confronting me the next day regarding her list of complaints of how I slighted her, followed up with a threat to CO me if I didn't fall in line.
Eventually, he ended up being CO by me, actually for a whole other situation with is again irrelevant to the current issue. That was over two years ago and in those two years, I realized how truly damaging his presence in my life was.
I am currently 22 weeks pregnant. I knew it was inevitable that he would find out (I work for the same company as him, but on different floors, and I never have to deal with him... but it's still possible to run into each other, and I figured eventually someone who works with him would see me when I started showing and report back). I guess I just never anticipated this reaction out of him.
Up until recently, he left me alone. A few weeks ago, I got a couple of emails through my work email. This is his go-to method of communication because I can't block him or change my address like I did with my phone number. He claimed that my grandfather (who I have a harder time talking to, because my grandmother is also CO and because my father and sister have sabotaged our attempts at seeing each other when my grandfather has been in town) was very ill and going to die any day. At first, I was extremely distraught, however the situation is not as dire as my father portrayed it. My grandfather is elderly and diabetic and not taking very good care of himself, but he is not hospitalized or in hospice care. I have since been able to speak with my grandfather, so I'm happy for that, but this is a small example of the type of person I'm dealing with.
Anyway, I received another email today. He knows about the baby. He says he will love her (even though his wife isn't on board - probably because she hates the idea of a mini me existing) and that he wants to buy a shower and birth gift. He knows that she is a girl and when she is due, which freaked me out, and he knows the exact travel system I want for her, which really freaked me out. Then I realized he found my Babies R Us Registry. I feel like a total idiot for setting one up now, but I did it because then I would be enrolled to win a 5k gift card. He also wants to set up a college fund for her. He says these gifts come no strings attached.
My friend thinks I would be crazy not to take them, but IMO they are not free. After everything he has put me through, a $370 travel system (yes, I know it's expensive, but I have every intention of buying it with my own money) is not going to buy my forgiveness or permission to meddle in mine and my daughter's lives. I am also afraid that anything he purchases could be construed as supporting her if he goes for GPR. I have read up on the laws for that, but it confuses me as to whether he has a chance or not.
He told me that if he doesn't hear from me, he will buy them and send them to me. Previously, I have BH'd everything from him and I know that a CO person is dead to you and you can't talk to a dead person, but I do feel like I need to respond. Is that a terrible idea? I feel like a response is exactly what he wants and I hate giving in to that, but I feel like otherwise he will never leave me alone.
Also, if anyone has suggestions for how I should phrase a response, I'd greatly appreciate it.