Hi all!
My dad and I have never really had a great relationship due to the way that he treated my mother (severe physical/mental abuse in front of us girls) and how he treated his other kids compared to us. He literally drove a wedge between those under and not under his roof. Anyway, now we are old older and trying to pick up the pieces for ourselves. As I've aged, I've made it my business to let him know on several occasions that his behavior is unacceptable, I'm grown and will choose right vs. wrong any day, and will let him know when he effs up...no need for further discussion. He's very manipulative and controlling, never apologizes for anything under any circumstances, and is notorious for trying to guilt trip you for choosing to support someone else that he's angry with because "I raised you". Negro, please! Stop it!
So, I and my DH were engaged last year and I sent out a text to everyone letting them know. My DuSM went to visit him and said "I bet you didn't know that OP and DH were engaged did you"? Rubbing it in his face because she was pissed at him and dragging my name into their mess (trial separation at the time). I called him before I knew what she'd done and he blows up saying "why did you tell DuSM before you told me? I'm your father...blah, blah, blah" trying to turn my moment into some mess. I laid into him so quick because 1) you just got off of TO while your over here talking crazy, 2) she had no right to tell you anything especially before I told you, and 3) I'm happy and this mess you're trying to drum up falls flat...good day sir!
So I put them both in TO for several weeks as I made my wedding plans and lived life. We begin to talk again sometime later in the year and this type of scenario happens again...TO again. It's truly a vicious cycle. Well, DH and I find out we're pregnant before the wedding, we inform everyone, they're all excited...pops tries to give names for LO. I don't want any suggestions because my DH will be naming our baby whatever the gender, end of discussion. The wedding rolls around, pretty much goes unhitched, he starts calling everyday after to talk about the same things, the same people, it's everyone's fault but his because he's always tried to do right by everyone (lie)...blah, blah, blah. I ignore most calls because I don't want or need to talk to anyone every day except for my husband. Besides, who wants to hear the same story anyway? He gets agitated and leaves a nasty VM and from there I lost it. He called me back later that evening, I pick up, he starts in...I ripped into him about blowing up my phone, disturbing my peace especially while pregnant, and getting my own health and priorities together for my husband and LO. He kept rambling and getting irate so I hung up the phone.
Today I get a phone call today from SM saying that I should let it go...what??? You should get off of my phone because if I decide to talk to him, it will be when I'm ready!!! I also tell her "no one is going to try to tell me as an adult how to live my life and that especially includes him"!! He went so far as to try to convince others that the name that DH chose for my baby should be changed because its similar to his "sons" daughters name...you need to back the hell off and have several seats!! First of all, you don't know if that kid or her dad belong to you and my DH knows what he's doing and what HE wanted OUR BABY to be named!!
It has been almost 5 weeks since last speaking with him and I'm tired of people trying to run interference to get me to be "the bigger person" in this situation. He's an adult and he knows how to apologize but chooses not to. Their excuse is "oh well, he's sick and that's your dad" as if that's going to appeal to me. I've been in prayer over this current scenario and I'm at peace with what I've done and how I've stood up for myself over the course of the years, particularly this one. If he chooses to humble himself and stops manifesting the negativity that he conjures up, I'll consider it, but as of today...I'm cool. I already know that my babies will never be left alone with him or SM because they have bad habits, are constantly fighting/arguing with one another, and are all around toxic when together. She's fine by herself but when he is around, she's always on edge. That's not living, that's being a prisoner in your own house and marriage. :-(
Let me know how you all feel about this situation below. Good night and God bless.
My dad and I have never really had a great relationship due to the way that he treated my mother (severe physical/mental abuse in front of us girls) and how he treated his other kids compared to us. He literally drove a wedge between those under and not under his roof. Anyway, now we are old older and trying to pick up the pieces for ourselves. As I've aged, I've made it my business to let him know on several occasions that his behavior is unacceptable, I'm grown and will choose right vs. wrong any day, and will let him know when he effs up...no need for further discussion. He's very manipulative and controlling, never apologizes for anything under any circumstances, and is notorious for trying to guilt trip you for choosing to support someone else that he's angry with because "I raised you". Negro, please! Stop it!
So, I and my DH were engaged last year and I sent out a text to everyone letting them know. My DuSM went to visit him and said "I bet you didn't know that OP and DH were engaged did you"? Rubbing it in his face because she was pissed at him and dragging my name into their mess (trial separation at the time). I called him before I knew what she'd done and he blows up saying "why did you tell DuSM before you told me? I'm your father...blah, blah, blah" trying to turn my moment into some mess. I laid into him so quick because 1) you just got off of TO while your over here talking crazy, 2) she had no right to tell you anything especially before I told you, and 3) I'm happy and this mess you're trying to drum up falls flat...good day sir!
So I put them both in TO for several weeks as I made my wedding plans and lived life. We begin to talk again sometime later in the year and this type of scenario happens again...TO again. It's truly a vicious cycle. Well, DH and I find out we're pregnant before the wedding, we inform everyone, they're all excited...pops tries to give names for LO. I don't want any suggestions because my DH will be naming our baby whatever the gender, end of discussion. The wedding rolls around, pretty much goes unhitched, he starts calling everyday after to talk about the same things, the same people, it's everyone's fault but his because he's always tried to do right by everyone (lie)...blah, blah, blah. I ignore most calls because I don't want or need to talk to anyone every day except for my husband. Besides, who wants to hear the same story anyway? He gets agitated and leaves a nasty VM and from there I lost it. He called me back later that evening, I pick up, he starts in...I ripped into him about blowing up my phone, disturbing my peace especially while pregnant, and getting my own health and priorities together for my husband and LO. He kept rambling and getting irate so I hung up the phone.
Today I get a phone call today from SM saying that I should let it go...what??? You should get off of my phone because if I decide to talk to him, it will be when I'm ready!!! I also tell her "no one is going to try to tell me as an adult how to live my life and that especially includes him"!! He went so far as to try to convince others that the name that DH chose for my baby should be changed because its similar to his "sons" daughters name...you need to back the hell off and have several seats!! First of all, you don't know if that kid or her dad belong to you and my DH knows what he's doing and what HE wanted OUR BABY to be named!!
It has been almost 5 weeks since last speaking with him and I'm tired of people trying to run interference to get me to be "the bigger person" in this situation. He's an adult and he knows how to apologize but chooses not to. Their excuse is "oh well, he's sick and that's your dad" as if that's going to appeal to me. I've been in prayer over this current scenario and I'm at peace with what I've done and how I've stood up for myself over the course of the years, particularly this one. If he chooses to humble himself and stops manifesting the negativity that he conjures up, I'll consider it, but as of today...I'm cool. I already know that my babies will never be left alone with him or SM because they have bad habits, are constantly fighting/arguing with one another, and are all around toxic when together. She's fine by herself but when he is around, she's always on edge. That's not living, that's being a prisoner in your own house and marriage. :-(
Let me know how you all feel about this situation below. Good night and God bless.