This year we have been talking about visiting our 4 families briefly over the holidays and not doing any overnights which have proven to be very stressful in the past. I am learning how to deal with MIL and could use some advice on how to handle her BF this Christmas if we do end up seeing him. (I do realize I have several months but need time to practice.)
Here is some BG on most recent visit with MIL. DH and I both agree we will not see her and will limit contact with her until Christmas time after her behavior.
So MIL has been divorced for a long time and has been with this BF for 10 years I believe. The guy is 15 years older than her and acts even older than his age. He is also a narcissist I believe. He doesn't acknowledge us when we are at their house unless it is to show us how smart and brilliant he is. The first time I met him, 7 years ago he didn't even look my way until I was standing up to leave and then he came over with a notepad and told me "What you need to do is write 25 ways you can improve the company you work for." His favorite thing to say is "What you need to do is..." He is notorious for ignoring us the entire visit then following us out to the car and giving us some life lesson with our engine running and DD strapped into her carseat.
He has hearing aids which he doesn't use so we are all subjected to listening to the PBS news as high as the TV will go, and one time it was so loud we had to sit outside to eat because it was actually painful. (He won't eat with us generally and if he does eat MIL makes him a special meal because he doesn't like what she will make for everyone.) We can't go out to eat with him because he berates the poor wait staff. One time a server brought him the wrong salad and he stood up yelling at him "What's wrong with my salad? If you are going to do something, do it right!" DH and I agreed to never eat out with him again. Recently DH's mom had texted him pretty late at night and he texted her back. The next day DH had 2 messages at work from MIL's BF and when he called him back the next day he told DH to never call or text his mom after 8pm, ever again. If he doesn't wear his hearing aids how is he even hearing the phone to begin with?! I could go on for pages but you probably get the idea.
Also, his own 2 children and grandchildren have had him CO for years and at almost every single visit it gets brought up how evil and ungrateful his children are to not talk to their dad. This last time she was here I finally got sick of it and said I would love to hear their side of the story because kids don't CO their parents for no reason. HE IS AN ASSHOLE! MIL used to call her sons to beg them to call him on Father's Day since he wouldn't get any cards or calls. DH told her he wasn't his dad, which I liked.
So all of that to ask;
1. How do I stop the last minute life lessons?
2. How do I handle him period?
***Edited for weird symbols in text after pasting***