My background is here and there on here. My FOO is mainly C/O except my Dad and limited contact with my sister. No real reason with other siblings except that we've just grown apart and nobody really checks in with one another so what is the point. I really don't know them, they don't know me and since we don't do Holidays it's more of a drifting apart C/O if that makes sense. No hurt feelings just.. nothing.
Mom is C/O due to her irrational mood swings and the fact she left my child and I abandoned 16 hrs from home because she had one of her freak out moments and flipped out on me.
In laws are all still in our lives mainly because my husband wants them to be. Past history with them includes boundry stomping, rude talk, being talked down to, threatened and a whole mess of stuff once my son was born including MIL trying to take over and being completely selfish and smothering with the baby. I put up with it for a while but finally drew the line about 2 yrs ago when I sent her a letter laying it out plainly for her why her behavior would no longer be tolerated or allowed. This has resulted in her pretty much - not sure if it can be called respecting - but respecting us and not getting in our son's face constantly. She doesn't like me, I know this as I can feel it and the relationship is very fake.
My husband and I had a bit of land that we used on the family farm where we ran the family dairy with the promise that one day he would inherit the farm and we'd move into the farm house (then occupied by dh's gram. Inlaws live up the road from the farm) well long story short they lied. They sold the farm and we moved about 6 miles away.This obviously has resulted in some hurt and angry feelings between us toward them. We're happy where we live but the farm was something my husband grew up on, worked his butt off toward - often with no pay - and was expecting it as an inheritance. .
In laws barely come to see us since we've moved but do go on and on about missing their grandson. We used to go up there once a week so they could see him but they have not acquired anything for him to do up there over the past 3 yrs besides a small box of outgrown toys I left off there once for when we go up there. It's constantly "no don't touch" and watching out for their 3 dogs to not get in his face. MIL expects our son to sit on her lap in the arm chair the entire time and obviously he doesn't want to so she pouts and acts hurt. We usually end up calling her out on it which doesn't help anything relationship-wise between her and I.
Over the summer I've taken a huge step back and refused to go up there for visits. They have made it to our house maybe three times over the summer to see my son and MIL constantly looks at her watch and/or announces it's time to leave not even 20 min after arriving. We are warm and inviting to them when they are here and make sure to offer drink/food but most of the time she ends up sitting in her car and laying on the horn for FIL to leave.
Enter SIL, she usually only comes around twice a year for Holidays. This year she spent the summer with the In laws. MIL cried to her about how she never sees our son and being a grandma isn't what she thought. I don't know if SIL thought this up or not but since she's come back we have been receiving cards for our son in the snail mail from MIL (who remember, lives 6 miles away) these are sympathy cards and say stuff like "you're lucky to have someone like me in your life" ect. I haven't given them to him but have been very annoyed by them. They make no sense whatsoever.
Well we found out a big family secret (In laws have purchased a second home for SIL and her husband) this summer through local gossip. In laws never mentioned this to us but we kept hearing more and more about it. Obviously feeling pretty annoyed and possibly jealous (?) over this. My dh has been taking it hard and it's already making him even more bitter toward them. His Mom noticed and asked him last week what was wrong and he blew up and told her he knows they purchased another home for SIL. Mil denied but FIL stepped in and confirmed. It's not our business what they do with their money, we do get that but at the same time it stings. A lot. We had to work super hard to get the place we have, which is fine. I would really not have wanted assistance from them but it hurts all the same. I am struggling with feeling jealous/emotiona/bitter over this whole thing. I know my husband feels like he was squeezed out and now this is like a slap to the face for him.
I don't want to come across sounding entitled over this. We've been talking and my husband says he feels like he just wants to be done with his family. He's never CO or put into a TO but I think he is capable at this point. We are worried though that the timing of what has come out makes us look like we're super jealous over the house thing. I think it's just everything accumulated to this being the slap over the head that HEY these people don't really like us. Not that they need to spend their money on us for us to know that, please understand that's not what I mean. It's just one after another things have stacked up to this being like just it. Done. Can't handle being shat on anymore.
This all happened this past week and we've had no contact with them since the blow up between dh and his mom.I guess thoughts/kick in the butt/ideas? I don't know. It's eating me up holding onto all these bitter feelings and I just want to be done with these people and the way they treat us. They really don't want anything to do with us except when they DO then we're expected to be at their beck and call.
My husband will be reading this thread along with me, any encouragement for him? He's a good man, just been hurt a lot by these people but also the one to carry the workload and feel obligated to them.