I posted this in another group as well, but this one is larger and I thought I might get some more feedback here.
This is my first post. I'm just looking for some constructive suggestions on my particular situation. Here's some back story -- I have been with my DF for 3-1/2 years. He has 3 kids 21y/o ds, 18 y/o ds and 6y/o dd. I have a 6y/o ds and we also have a 2 month old DD together. His 2 older kids do not live with us. We have his DD 50% of the time and my DS 100% of the time (his father is not very involved). He had some bonding issues with my DS early on. DS was a resistent towards him in the beginning, has come around now. DS is VERY active little boy. Loves to run, jump, flip, etc. DF always complains about my DS (he is 12 years older than me and pretty old school when it comes to parenting). We have talked about discipline and follow through etc. We've comprised and things have improved (they were never HORRIBLE by any means), just had to get DS used to being a "family" since it was just he and I before. My DF's DD is well behaved when she comes to our house, rarely any problems. She's also the total opposite with her mother, but since DF is pretty strict she's an angel at our house (most of the time).
So About a year ago, DF asked if his mother could come stay with us for a few weeks while she finished up some dental work. She would be moving out of state after this to be with his sisters. So here we are a year later and not much has changed. She JUST finished up with all of her dental work at the end of Oct. Then a week ago she found out she has to get surgery for a clogged artery. She does not drive, talks on the phone all day, does not have a job, smokes (outside), rarely cooks a meal, doesn't clean (other than do dishes sometimes). She has been helping take care of LO since I went back to work 3 weeks ago and has gotten DS off the bus a few days a week and watches him for 45 mins until I get home. Over the year, I've taken her to the store, to doc/dentist appts when needed, have bought her ciggerettes, across town to get perscriptions etc. I started subtley saying things to DF when we moved about 4 months ago about how basically I was tired of her being there but in a much nicer way. Our new house is a much smaller house. It was 3 bed 1 bath. DF had to built a wall in the common room to make our room. His DD and our LO share a small room now. DS has his own room. And his mother is in, what is supposed to be his DD's room. It's very cramped. There is no privacy whatsoever. I've been trying to be gracious since it is his mother and I know he is very close with her. Let me also mention, she is very standoffish. She won't make eye contact with you, barely mumbles hi to anyone. Well the other day she crossed the line in my book. She has said a few things to my DS a few times (disciplinary things), those are about the only things that come out of her mouth to him. My LO was on my bed, DS went in there and was baby talking to her. He must have been leaning over on her legs so she says "Don't lean on her legs like that you might hurt her" --- I have no problem with that. (I was standing about 5 feet away in the kitchen, I could see her but not him. So then 30 seconds later she says, "Yeah I said it, don't look at me like that" in a very snarky, childish way. So I said "Ok I'll handle it" and kind of put my hand up and walked in to the room (where I was headed in the first place). She then turns to walk in the bathroom (she's been on the phone this entire time too) and says to who ever she was talking to, "You can't say anything to him, without her having something to say"......At that point I felt totally disrespected in my home that I've graciously let you live in for the past year. I was soooo angry. I told DF everything, of course, he vouched for his mother on about 90% of the situation. He did say he understood some of where I was coming from. But I told him it was time, she had to go. He says his hands are tied (basically telling me to pull up my big girl pants and deal with it) but I've been dealing with it. This was just the breaking point. He works very hard for our family, we have stumbled upon hard times and she also does not help out with any bills. So an option of leaving him doesn't cross my mind. I also feel like if she continues to live there I will go absolutley crazy.
Sorry this is so long, I could have added much more but don't want to get in to too much detail. Just wondering what you ladies would do in this situation. Thank you in advance for your advice.