Ok a little BG:
My mom and i use to be close. She was a single mom supporting me and my sis. Eventually my sis moved in with other family leaving me and my mom. My mom got back with my dad (who was in prison my whole life). She got into drugs with him (i was 17 at the time and just met DH). I was eventually abandoned moved in with DH and finished highschool. (I have more details on this if needed, im just summarizing).
Current situation,
I got my high school degree (first in the family and i was homeless). Ive been to college and i have a very good career going. My sister who's older went in the opposite direction and had my niece at 18. My sis has been on drugs and doesnt watch my niece at all. We also may not know where my sis is for weeks. My niece was locked in a room while my sis did drugs and she drops my niece off with family. (just a few things my niece who is 5 now has been through). apparently my niece has recently started having night terrors and wants her mom. My Gm who my niece lives with decided to let my mom take her for a little while. My mom does and spends time with her and says "she was just like you girls" "she needs a mom" etc.
Now i dont believe my mom is in any situation to take care of a five year old. She has felonies shes paying off and she couldnt even take care of me long enough to get me through high school. My mom calls me telling me she told my sis to step up. My sis has made small imrove,ents, which has happened before and she reverted back to drugs. (BTW i live FAR from all of them at least a 3 hr drive). My mom also says if my sis doesnt step up she will "take-over". i dont understand this since she was doing just fine with my GM who provided her with things she has needed including a stable home. I politely ask my mom if she can handle that. kids are a lot of money and responsibility. she tells me she knows it will be heard blah blah blah, then she demands that she will be moving closer to me and that i help her with my niece. (Financial support and helping while SHE goes to work and college) Dh hates my mom, i dislike my mom. We,ve had many blow outs in the past over other things. i was so floored. all i could say was idk if DH and i could handle that with our current situation. of course she asks if we are "breaking up" (this irked DH since we just married in november). I told her no Dh and i have been TTC for a long time now. We are currently waiting for our first infertility appointment. She didnt know we were trying. (we dont tell her a lot, including when DH and i got married, that was one of the blow outs.) It didnt seem to phase her. Instead she blew up about how i with hold info from her. IDK how to handle this. Im mostly afraid shell show up on my doorstep with my niece. She doesnt know where i live since DH and i just moved into a house. But (and she has done this before by herself) i wouldnt doubt her packing up her things saying she has nowhere to go and i need to pick her up. she knew what city i live in and had someone drop her off there. she knows what city i live in now too. I need advice on handling her. Not just this situation, this is the one that concerns me the most, but any others too.
Sorry for length and in grammatical problems.