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I'm a long time lurker and I've changed my screen name because like an idiot I used my real name. I'm going to get flamed hard for this but I want to validate whether I should suck it up and deal when I get home or get the hell out of dodge now.

I'm currently in Playa DeL Carman. A few months ago we planned this vacay and had been saving saving saving so we could go luxe and not have to scrimp. We were originally going with BIL and his wife who I loooove, but they had to cancel because SIL got pregnant and didn't want to travel. All good happy to go with just DF, first time away from DD but she will have a blast with my parents at their lake house with her cousins so all good in the hood.

We go to lunch at MILs one Sunday, share our vacation plans and she seems excited for us. I leave because I have an assignment due and need to get it finished, DF hangs back. He gets home and I mention going online later that night to book everyone and he says "no need, it's all done! MIL wanted to come with us, so she decided to give us the holiday as a present so we went ahead so went online and booked it." Anyway I lost my shit. No way was I going away with her, don't get me wrong she is usually fine compared to MILs on here, but I don't want a third wheel. DF and I argue, I'm ungrateful, we need to support MIal who divorced last year and is depressed blah blah blah. I finally cave... Because free holiday.

Fast forward, we're here now.

I'm. In. HELL. First of all she booked a suite - we are SHARING A SUITE WITH HER. I want to be able to walk around nude. I wanted to be able to sunbath topless in our private pool. I wanted to be able to have sex whenever I damn well wanted. Well no not now. DF knew my head nearly exploded when we checked in and I realised we were all in together.

She won't leave us alone! She won't let us sleep in - apparently that's LAZY. Don't call me lazy bitch I get up at 5.00am every day when I'm home. She makes us do all the activities - I don't wanna do yoga or play chess fuck off. She makes us have every meal with her. She won't even let us nap durin the day because "why waste such glorious sunshine." I WANT TO NAP! I'm four days in and I'm done with this bullshit. I told DF I needed some time alone because I was about to punch her so I rang and booked myself in at the spa. She was excited because that meant alone time for her and DF! wtf?

Anyway I got back from the spa and said I want to have dinner alone with him tonight and actually enjoy some time together. He told her and she threw a fricken tantrum! Said we were abandoning her! I walked out to the little private pool we have and DF stayed inside to console her. He came out and tried to "reason" with me. I said it was her or me because I didn't come here to baby sit a fricken retiree. He chose her. He went back inside.

So now I'm at the bar, this drink in the pic? Yeah that's tequila. The barman gave me this turtle, I've named him Dereck. So Do I go home? It's super late and he has been FB messaging me asking me to come back and talk. I think he is freaking out - but obviously not enough to come and FIND ME given I haven't left the resort. Do I apologise and suck it up? Do I go get my own room? I'm honestly leaning towards my own room but I have to go back and get my stuff to do that.

Sorry this feels like a vent. I feel like this was a big cross roads in our relationship and he chose the wrong road.

I think the time has come to cut out my mom and dad. I'm feeling guilty because their health isn't great, but I just can't let them treat me like this anymore. Background: about 2 years ago I got divorced after 15 years of marriage. My ex was emotionally abusive and I was miserable for many reasons. One being that I realized many years ago that I am gay. I am now in a serious relationship with a woman. We're getting married this summer and I'm happier than I have ever been. This has been a HUGE issue for my parents. Right after my divorce, I would wake up to near daily texts with scriptures about how I had destroyed my family with sin. My mom fully believes I'm going to hell. I refuse to pretend my partner doesn't exist and my mom has made it very clear that they would be uncomfortable with having her in their home. My mom's exact words were "if you were a drug addict I wouldn't let you bring drugs into my house either". They've been on a TO for about 6 months. I tried to test the waters by sending my mom a picture of the kids. This just opened the floodgates AGAIN for her judgement on my life. I do t even know where to go from here. I'm not even sure what advice I want/need. I just needed to get all that out.

BG: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a51918541/awkward_update_and_warning_bells_p8_p7_p6_p4_p3_3_days_and_fms_and_more

Things have been fairly quiet other then the random texts to SO that vary between rugsweeping and asking SO if he is ever going to talk to her again.

SO has continued the ITO/CO and hasn't contacted her since he wrote her about changing her behavior or no more contact. She was not invited to either baby shower, he has let family and friends know we are no longer in contact with her and will not be attending events she is at, and we BH'd her through all the holidays. All remaining legal ties have been severed. SO is 100% supportive of me and our family and has really turned it around. It's been great. I thought we were in the clear for now.

So issue:

SO is a performer and currently in a public performance that has been very heavily advertised with his picture. This isn't a hobby he gets paid for this work. We he is currently in the middle of a show that is over in maybe 20 min. He hears his mom in the audience. After theshow he is supposed to greet the audience and there are people important to his career there tonight so he can't just skip out or have BSC MIL flip out on him publicly.

He needs help and I have no clue what he should do. Help? Advice?

Updates: p3, 4, 5, 9, 10, 13, 16, 20, 23, 24, 26, 28, 30, 31, 36, 38, 40, 44, 45, 48, 51, 53, 54, 58

I tried this post out on my birth board and got mixed reviews, which I expected. Now I'm coming hear to get some good advice and the next step I need to take with MIL. I have major boundary issues with her, and she is very manipulative and plays the matyr/victim role constantly. Here's some background:

- DH bought a house when we were seriously dating for us to move to the town where he works. MIL changed their holiday plans and asked to stay with us the day we were moving in, saying they would sleep on the floor. SIL lives 5 minutes down the road in a 5500 sqf house. WTF

- DH and I decided to get married alone in the Caribbean. When we landed in Miami upon return, we opened our emails to find pictures and video of their "wedding celebration". She had a TWO tiered wedding cake make, and they performed a cake cutting ceremony with a sword that all their kids used to cut their birthday cakes growing up. Then she and FIL fed eachother cake and kissed like the bride and groom. And they froze the top of the cake for us for our one year anniversary. Yeah I told DH I would die before I would touch that cake, so he told them they needed to eat that for their own anniversary, it wasn't our cake. WTF

-While DH gets expensive bourbon and power tools for holidays and birthdays, I get cleaning clothes, dish towels, a cheese knife (I'm lactose intolerant) a baseball cap from a general store, a book on home remedies for your dog, etc. The list goes on of the worthless and thoughtless shit she makes me unwrap. She hates me

-They used to live 10 hours away, but in the last year have moved to a town 30 minutes away. We expressed concern about their expectations of us and she flat out told me they didn't need our permission to live there. Basically, we don't give a fuck how you feel.

-She and FIL are the exact opposite of DH and me. She's the little woman and acts almost childlike while she worships her husband, he's a narcissistic, arogant ass. They are not equals in any way. I would kill DH if he ever treated me like that. One night she got drunk and sighed and told me "I don't know about you, but I just feel so lucky to have married someone that knows so much". I choked on my wine.

- I just hate her personality, I would never be friends with someone like her. She's not a bad person or anything, she just drives. me. fucking. crazy. with her over-the-top antics about everything.

These are just some of the high points, there's countless other things she's done and/or said over the course of our relationship that have just made me absolutely stabby.

So fast forward two kids later, and now she's texting DH saying she needs to "bond" with the new baby. Our DD is 8 weeks old and has extreme colic and reflux, so if you've experienced that you know how difficult it is. We are doing all that we can to not lose our minds, so considering the needs of others aside from our kids is sort of not important right now. Not to mention, the only people in my mind who should be bonding with the baby are DH, DS, and myself.

 She constantly tries to force the issue where relationships are concerned, where I'm a firm believer in relationships taking time to develop and that it should happen more organically. And I also believe that some relationships just can't work based on personality conflicts.

At some point if this keeps being mentioned I will have to step in and address it with her. And I know she's not going to let it go. We let her stop by the other day for a short visit and when my almost 3 year old would tell her that he liked his baby sister, she kept saying, "that's right she's your family, and I'm your family too". DH even mentioned how weird it was after she left. It's like she can't come over and be a normal person, she always has to have some sort of agenda.

How do I handle this craziness? She is like Mary Sunshine in person, I mean to the extreme, it's not like she is flat our rude or a bitch to my face. Oh and let me add, that for 7 years my mom has given me so. much. shit. about needing to try harder with her because she can't be that bad and she's DH's mother. Well now my parents moved as well, conveniently 2 streets over from the inlaws. She has had the pleasure of spending more time with her, and running into her randomly in their small town. She finally told me recently that she totally gets it. She says it's so hard to explain to people, but she's just highly annoying and hard to talk to. I was like, boom I told you!

I'll try to make a long story short. MIL lost her job in 2002. Yougest BIL moved in with her and was helping with some of the bills. She blew through her savings, 401k, and pension. She never got a job. She lost the house a couple of years ago. At that time, she moved in with middle BIL (he has the most space). She has had a few jobs since then (cashier, bank teller, van driver), but has either quit them or been fired from all of them. Middle BIL is now married and has wanted to sell his house and move for quite some time.

So, the current situation is that DH and I are hoping to move next spring. We are having baby #2 in August and have outgrown our townhome. We're wanting to buy a single family home. In addition, my at home business took over our downstairs and we just leased a separate space for me to work for the next year; however, we do not want the lease to be long term.

DH and I are sure that if we move into a larger home, we will be asked by middle BIL to take in MIL. There are a few issues with this. First, it would basically keep us in our current position space-wise. We want to move for more space. If MIL is there taking up a bedroom/bathroom and sharing our space, we still won't have more space. Second, I work from home. My MIL is...annoying, nosey, etc. She gives parenting advice constantly, does not care for my current child in ways I am comfortable with (i.e. knows nothing of car seat safety, lets her do what she wants, has completely different views of feeding, safety, etc). If I thought that she would help with the kids (without my being worried about how she's "parenting" them) or help with my work, it MAY not be as much of an issue, but she won't. Really, she can't (physically) anyway.

I feel like if we tell middle BIL that we won't take her in DH will be astranged from his family. His brother will feel it's "our turn" to take care of her. It makes me want to not move, but I cannot stand this house. I just don't want to move and end up hating my new house too because she's there. MIL is 57, so she cannot apply for social security benefits for at least 5 more years (4 more as of the time we would move). Even then, she probably won't make enough to move out. I am really concerned about my relationship with my husband if she moves in with us, and my own mental health. I have some pretty severe anxiety issues and even thinking about this puts me on the verge of a panic attack. I feel damned if I do, damned if I don't, since DH will likely resent me for not being willing to take her in. He claims he doesn't want her living with us either, but if it comes down to her living with us, or his family not talking to us anymore...I'm not sure.

So, am I being a terrible DIL here? Should I suck it up and take her in when we move? If we do take her in, what can I do to minimize the craziness?

Even if we decide not to take her in, since she has NO savings/401k, I feel we will be helping to support her later in life no matter what we do, which is frustrating since we are still trying to get our own life/finances under control.

I think the time has come to cut out my mom and dad. I'm feeling guilty because their health isn't great, but I just can't let them treat me like this anymore. Background: about 2 years ago I got divorced after 15 years of marriage. My ex was emotionally abusive and I was miserable for many reasons. One being that I realized many years ago that I am gay. I am now in a serious relationship with a woman. We're getting married this summer and I'm happier than I have ever been. This has been a HUGE issue for my parents. Right after my divorce, I would wake up to near daily texts with scriptures about how I had destroyed my family with sin. My mom fully believes I'm going to hell. I refuse to pretend my partner doesn't exist and my mom has made it very clear that they would be uncomfortable with having her in their home. My mom's exact words were "if you were a drug addict I wouldn't let you bring drugs into my house either". They've been on a TO for about 6 months. I tried to test the waters by sending my mom a picture of the kids. This just opened the floodgates AGAIN for her judgement on my life. I do t even know where to go from here. I'm not even sure what advice I want/need. I just needed to get all that out.

Going through a divorce. Once finalized I'm moving to a very anti GPR state. No legal needed, I have Google and a lawyer thanks. Lots of background but it's complicated and a lot of my normal meter so broken and stuck on one type of broken I didn't recognize how bad things were until recently. Every day it becomes vividly clearer just how abusive my STBX was and still is.

To quickly sum up how things are now. STBX stops by disrupting our lives to get things he needs or paperwork signed whatever. I put a stop to it and he's no longer welcome here. He used that time to emotionally hurt our child to try and hurt me. He never asks to see lo so I make no effort to give access as I'm only required to not deny reasonable access. Our house is not included in that so I can cut his access off from here.

Once the divorce is finalized. I'm moving a long ways away. Mainly due to GPR but also due to financial and resources. I'm in the process of selling EVERYTHING we own besides lo's toys (one box), basic clothes, paper work, one box of yay things for me, and memorable/pictures. That's what I'm allowing us to keep. If it doesn't fit in the car I'll mail one box. But beyond that it's all getting sold, donated or trashed.

Everyone related to us is CO with very few exceptions. My sister is on LC. She gets the occasional picture and we text. She'll never meet my son unless my ED is dead and, actually I don't think I'll ever let her meet him. She makes shitty choices. My great aunt is the call twice a year but doesn't have my address but may get a PO box once I move. Never getting another photo until ED dies.

STBX is CO the moment we drive away. He was abusive to both lo and I and is someone that belongs on an episode of criminal minds ( not joking). I'll be looking into changing our names and hiding our address from him even though it's through his insurance. I should say ITO since he will be paying CS and if it stops I will communicate to him to pay. Again I'll be contacting a local lawyer for all of this legal stuff once we are settled and don't need input. I'm just trying to set the stage for how serious I am. His entire family is also CO. They enabled his abuse and victim blamed me for years. That right there is CO worthy and without realizing it, was when I subconsciously started pulling away from them and started hating them.

My family is my son, my bff and her family, and the friends I've made over the past several years. I'm ok with that. They are my world. Sorry this is so long.

I'm basically erasing anyone CO from our lives. As in they never existed. My son is currently 20 months. My side has always been kind of CO. There's nothing recent of anyone photo or info wise. So when going through photos I tossed the obviously horrid photos (blurry, random cat?), and kept majority of them since although my family is either dead or CO I have good memories. Just like when you CO you treat them like they are dead. You can still have good memories of them you just trash the bad ones. So I kept the good ones and trashed the bad.

But when it comes to everything with STBX and his family for me it's all bad. Everything rushes at me how I was tormented and treated like crap and every time I see a photo I want to set him and the photos on fire. God there was so much abuse. But then I look at my handsome little man who looks just like me at his age and I want what's best for him.

So if you've read all of this diatribe and jumble of words which I really am very wordy. I swear it's one of the things I'll be working on in therapy (which is ironic because I hate when people don't get to the point). My question is, what do I do with the photos?

At this point I've sorted every photo that has any of STBX or his family in it and shoved into a pile in my photo box away from the other photos. I've also been doing that with the photos on my laptop. I've just put them into folders marked STBX and family, STBX and lo ect.

What do I keep for lo? Because STBX hurt me beyond anything. And he never deserved to ever see or know lo again. But this is about what lo deserves. And when lo isn't lo but a 10 or 15 year old. And he isn't just casually asking about his father but seriously inquiring and I have to have that talk. What do I keep for him?

Do I keep the photos of the two of them? Do I keep the photos of him and I? The photos of the three of us? The photos of his family members? The photos of the abuse for when he says he hates me and doesn't believe his dad would ever do that?

I feel so fucking stupid. I grew up in abuse. I knew that one time was never one time. Yet here I am. I need chocolate and a lawyer that hurries the hell up already.

ETA: English, because I can do it.

I am currently in quite the conundrum and think it is just my unicorn rearing it's ugly head.

BG: I am an Active Duty Servicemember, and my mother was until recently my military dependent (a.k.a. she lived with me). She disabled, some of which is legitimate, some I believe is of her own doing. When my wife and I got married, everything was great until DW moved in.

Due to being in the military, we lived apart the first 11 months, so she could wrap things up in our home state and resign her position under positive conditions.

Shortly after DW arrived, my Mother started with little snark comments, which I shot down immediately as they were incorrect and only meant to hurt. Less than a month after her arrival, DW and I found out we were expecting our first child. We both had agreed to stop smoking, and as my Mother smoked, we knew we would have to tell her as she would notice us not smoking. We waited until after our anniversary (2 days after we found out) and told my Mother, which her response was "I already know, that is why I have had morning sickness."

We started the paperwork needed to move into a larger home, as the 2 bedroom we were in would not be large enough for our growing family. While we were waiting I was on exercises and we were to move. DW was at wits end with my Mother, and we agreed that she needed to be in assisted living. That was May 2014. I would visit every other week or so, until the DD was born, and then less frequently.

CURRENT ISSUE:

My Mother has been on TO since June (her birthday), when her narcisism hit an all time high. We were supposed to get her military ID card renewed, then have dinner with DW and DD. This would of been the 2nd time she would have seen DD who was 7 months at the time.

After dealing with the ID Card office, and other issues that arose from it; she was tired, so we decided to go to lunch instead. The moment we got back to her place she wanted to know when I was picking her up for dinner.

This is common for her ... If I would plan to come over, she would have a shopping list for me to get, or ask me to get DQ or some other nonsense.

What really hit the roof, was she was denied renewal as my dependent and her response is "I bet you are happy you don't have to deal with me anymore". There was some paperwork I needed to take care of for her, so I ended up mailing it to her, and telling her it was in the mail and not to contact me further (TO).

I really want my DD to know her grandparents, but I don't want her around negativity... This is just my unicorn right?

I don't know if I am fully ready to CO right now, or try ELC ... I am estranged from the rest of my family (Dad is CO, OB is TO, YB is TO).

ETA trigger

Thanks origami for closing the old thread and sorry about the vio!

TL;DR of the situation:
NarcFIL and MIL wanted to co-parent LO. DH and I set boundaries which were stomped. We drop the rope and make plans to move out of a rental that FIL is the acting landlord to causing FIL to begin harassing us. ETA: on my cell but here is the first part of the thread (tests to see if linking works) http://community.babycenter.com/post/a59386495/birthday_summons_the_final_straw_narc_fil_triggers_26_library_loophole