My husband had two transplants as a toddler.
Obviously this was traumatic for his family and both happened around Christmas.
On Christmas Day, my MIL puts a portait of my husband above the fireplace to celebrate the day he lived.
My SIL had the same transplant three years ago and nothing is done for her around her transplant time.
I always say he is the "boy who lived" to them, like Harry Potter.
Last year I convinced them to put a family portrait above the fireplace instead. My FIL totally agreed with me.
On Christmas day we could only stay an hour as I had to fly out for work that afternoon. My MIL told me I ruined Christmas and her son's day. She was crying and not speaking to us for leaving early and having the picture changed out.
They have three other kids who all agree that it is HIS day and it's just lucky to be on a holiday where they all get their presents.
Am I totally out of line for thinking she's a bit nuts for making Christmas all about her son and not her other children?
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MIL Obsessed with the past
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*rant* MIL is a little too attached to SO and vice versa, i also cant stand her comments
Me, 20 ans my SO, 22 live with my inlaws, we have a 3month old. Anyways, we have been living with them for almost 2 years in march (a lot longer than i planned) and im very unhappy about it i want to move out so badly but SO doesnt want to and MIL insinuates that im taking her son away from her and that she wishes her kids would be with her forever. I only agreed to move in with the inlaws because we had planned to move out soon, 1 year tops. We even moved cities with them because they bought a house. Our financial situation isnt the best since we both lost our jobs recently but ive been doing everything i can to get a job soon so i can move out. MIL is mean sometimes (i dont know if unconciously) but she will sau things when LO cries a little too long because he gets cranky and she will ask to hold him, then she tells my LO, "your mom doesnt know how to take care of you." She also completely sabotaged my attempt to breastfeed which i resent her for. She constantly refers to LO as HER SON, umm no hes MY SON, hes YOUR GRANDCHILD. She also insinuates that i treat SO like a slave because i ask him to help me with LO, hes his father of course i expect him to help me! I spoke to SO how unhappy i am living there, thay his mom hurts mu feeling and always questions my ability as a mother, im a ftm btw. I told him that we are a family now and we need our own home. I told him that he has to let go of his mom the way i have let go of my parents. Relatives now come secondary to our family and its about him, LO and me now, everybody else comes second. I told him that i made the sacrifice for our family and left my relatives behind to move to a different city so its only fair he makes the sacrifice to leave his mommy. I dont mind living in the same city as my inlaws i just want my own home the three of us and that i dont want to deal with MILs comments and her treating SO like a baby on a daily basis. His reaction was so indifferent and he just doesnt want to move out so soon, wtf! We have a baby now get it together! Ugh rant over :(
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DuH serving up LO
DH and I decided we wanted the grandparents to get flu shots. FIL refused, everyone else complied.
FIL missed Halloween and Thanksgiving, and DH was strong. Now mil has cried to him telling hey that she and FIL are a team, and she won't come see LO without him.
Now DuH is saying it is killing him, and that he wants to have FIL down for Christmas. FIL is such a selfish fucking asshole (this is not the only thing, just the latest) that I don't even think that I can look at him, let alone let him hold LO (7 mo).
Give me some good ammo for DuH and for fucking asshole FIL when he boundary stomps all over everything
FIL missed Halloween and Thanksgiving, and DH was strong. Now mil has cried to him telling hey that she and FIL are a team, and she won't come see LO without him.
Now DuH is saying it is killing him, and that he wants to have FIL down for Christmas. FIL is such a selfish fucking asshole (this is not the only thing, just the latest) that I don't even think that I can look at him, let alone let him hold LO (7 mo).
Give me some good ammo for DuH and for fucking asshole FIL when he boundary stomps all over everything
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Narc mom and "her""Sally" -- warning major TRIGGER Semi-UP p. 15
Warning: my entire post contains triggers.
Brief background: I recently found out through posting here that the reason my mom is "crazy" is that she's a narcissist. What brought me to the end of my rope was my mom's behavior during and after the birth of our stillborn daughter at full term (our first child, her first grandchild). She made it all about her and I couldnt take it anymore. I've put her on LC/TO and didn't go visit for thanksgiving/not visiting for Christmas.
My latest dilemma: My mom keeps calling our deceased daughter 'hers.' Let's say our daughter's name was Sally. (It wasn't but I don't want to give out too much personal info on this public site). She will send me texts like (on the 3 month anniversary of my delivering her:) "happy 3 months to my precious Sally!!!" Wtf is so happy about it???? Anyway she will also post on my Facebook wall: "I miss my precious Sally!!!"
Today is my birthday. Last night she texted me pictures of the house decorated for Christmas and some of the pictures were of a framed picture of our daughter and the frame was decorated with Christmas tree ornaments all around it and said "merry Christmas to my precious Sally!!!!" She also sends pictures of my little siblings writing letters to Santa on the family fireplace (yes that's a strange place to write letters to Santa) that say "dear Santa, for Christmas I want Sally to be able to come back to us. I miss Sally so much." Both my mom and dad keep sending me texts that say "we are sad you, DH and Sally won't be coming for Christmas." (?!?! How the F could Sally come for Christmas?!) "Your little brother says to tell you that he will miss all three of you at Christmas, but especially Sally." ?! "We keep hoping for a Christmas miracle and to be able to see you, DH and Sally at Christmas." Wtf.
This bothers me on multiple levels. I hate that she calls our deceased daughter "her" Sally!!!!!!! She was OURS!! She was born dead and knew no one but her father and me-- we would sing to her, talk to her, cuddle her, and read to her in utero. She never got to meet anyone else. I feel that my mom is trying to steal the little bit of time we had with her and act like she was hers instead of ours. It bothers me that they act like she is still alive or is coming back when clearly we have been struggling with the acceptance phase of grief. And maybe I'm selfish but it bothers me that she's more concerned with missing/"losing" HER grandchild than with how her own living daughter (me) is coping. It's not like she texts me and asks how I'm doing or what we need. It's not like she says I should do whatever helps me heal, including staying home with my husband for the holidays. She's selfish and she only wants to complain about losing her Sally.
Should I tell her that this bothers me? Or will she just do it more? The unicorn part of me hopes that maybe she thinks she's helping by remembering our daughter and/or honoring/celebrating her short existence. But I would think she would at least ask me what helps/hurts. I also find the timing of her mentions of our daughter to be suspect (thanksgiving, night before my birthday, my dad mentioned his dumb comment about being sad he's not seeing Sally at Christmas today on my birthday, during important milestones, etc.). Every time she, my dad or my little siblings say something like that I feel very upset but I don't know what to do. If they are sad and missing our daughter I understand but I don't feel like they put the loss in the proper perspective. We are the ones living and grieving but they seem to overlook that.
Only my older siblings have expressed compassionate concern and asked how we are doing and what we need etc. With my mom, dad and younger siblings its more like a "poor us" pity party or it even seems like a competitive "we miss her more than you do" thing.
Also- I know everyone here says to BH but getting these kids of texts hurts me. I don't understand the point of BHing if it negatively affects me to even see/read it?
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Rude much? UD4, 6, TO text 7
I have some background and we're working on it.
My MIL just texted DH saying, "(DH's name) today we're going to your house".
What would you wise DWILers say back? We want to shut it down for being rude.
My MIL just texted DH saying, "(DH's name) today we're going to your house".
What would you wise DWILers say back? We want to shut it down for being rude.
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How can I stand up to my mom?
I apologize in advance for any typos because I'm on my phone.
I think my mom is great but we are way too enmeshed. She was always a bit overprotective but gave me my space. She wouldn't even call when I was out with friends unless it was late. then I got pregnant at 19 and married and all of that changed. While I was pregnant we stayed at my parents house for 6 months to save up money which worked out great and we finally moved out. When I did she called me everyday. She called me and would ask me about my DS and would come over to visit all the time. I was ok with this because it was my first time living with my new family and of course all my friends dropped me so I was lonely :(
ETA: I just deleted a bunch of info that I didn't copy and paste because I thought my post was super long. It took my 45 mins to finaih this but if there is BG needed let me know.
My dad passed away 2 weeks after my LO was born which was in FEB. My mom stayed at her apartment until the lease was up (April) and moved in to my place because she needed to figure out where she was going and how she was going to pay for everything. Right now she has a storage until for all her hoarding items but she has her bed in my living room. These months have been so so. She helps a lot with cooking and sometimes help me bathe the kids but I really want her out. Thankfully she already found a new apartment and the lease started on DEc 1 but she is still here...one thing I hate about my mom is that she is never in a rush. I don't understand how she could be ok with the fact that she is paying rent at one place but doesn't sleep there.....?? She says she needs to buy more furniture still and a tv. I really want her outta here already but I don't know what to say. Even if I did say something I'm sure she will just say "she has no time to do anything". Btw she works a 5am-9am shift and doesn't come back home until 8pm! Not that I care but most of the times she's at my aunts just sitting and eating and drinking coffee. Or sometimes she stays late at work because they tell her too and she just can't say no!
But I think my biggest problem is that she never listens to me when I say something and when I do she doesn't respect me. This is a whole other story but my ODS is VERY picky to the point where he used to gag and throw up at the sight, smell and touch of new foods but he has gotten much better since we made the switch to almos milk. She buys him potato chips and French fries because she knows he likes it and if he doesn't eat that then she always say omg what is he gonna eat???? Or if I say he takes so much shits a day most likely due to all the grease and she just says well if he doesn't eat that then what is he gonna eat? Mind you I do not buy the junk, she does! I have told her not to buy it and she does it anyway. The semester is almost over and she watches my kids while I'm gone and she gives my ODS too much milk and gives him 2 bags a chips while I'm gone. And the things hate the most is the soda. Again I do not buy soda, she does and when he sees her drinking it he points to the cup and she will give it to him and I always say no you know he's not supposed to drink soda but she always sys he wants it I can't say no. The other day I was at school and the juice ran out ( she was also the first one to give my ODS juice and also calls me crazy when I fill his cup 2/3 of water and tells me I need to let him enjoy the juice) and she wanted to know what to give him. So I said she he lovvvvves juice so much and hattttteees water why don't u give him water with lemon and she never responded. When I got home she told me she gave him soda BUT don't worry! She put water in it ;)
Now I know you will all say find new day care. My school day care charges $2 an hour and my spring schedule will have 14 total hours times 2 kids times 15 weeks in that semester and the total came up to more than $800. We don't NOT have that money. We are I the process of making cuts in our budget. I just canceled my gym membership and I will be canceling the 2 babies Gerber grow up plans and a few other things but day care can not be paid for since we only make $2750 a month and our rent is $1030.00 and then minus all our bills...
So really I'm looking on advice on how to get my mom to respect me as a young mother (I'm planning on weaning my ODS off the bottle in January while I'm not in school and I don't want her here to intervene cuz ya kno I was on the bottle until 3 1/2 and turned out ok), how can I tell her to gtfo without offended her and what should I do about child care? If we can't afford day care and I REALLY can't trust her to honor my rules then what should I do about school?
Thanks DWIL
I think my mom is great but we are way too enmeshed. She was always a bit overprotective but gave me my space. She wouldn't even call when I was out with friends unless it was late. then I got pregnant at 19 and married and all of that changed. While I was pregnant we stayed at my parents house for 6 months to save up money which worked out great and we finally moved out. When I did she called me everyday. She called me and would ask me about my DS and would come over to visit all the time. I was ok with this because it was my first time living with my new family and of course all my friends dropped me so I was lonely :(
ETA: I just deleted a bunch of info that I didn't copy and paste because I thought my post was super long. It took my 45 mins to finaih this but if there is BG needed let me know.
My dad passed away 2 weeks after my LO was born which was in FEB. My mom stayed at her apartment until the lease was up (April) and moved in to my place because she needed to figure out where she was going and how she was going to pay for everything. Right now she has a storage until for all her hoarding items but she has her bed in my living room. These months have been so so. She helps a lot with cooking and sometimes help me bathe the kids but I really want her out. Thankfully she already found a new apartment and the lease started on DEc 1 but she is still here...one thing I hate about my mom is that she is never in a rush. I don't understand how she could be ok with the fact that she is paying rent at one place but doesn't sleep there.....?? She says she needs to buy more furniture still and a tv. I really want her outta here already but I don't know what to say. Even if I did say something I'm sure she will just say "she has no time to do anything". Btw she works a 5am-9am shift and doesn't come back home until 8pm! Not that I care but most of the times she's at my aunts just sitting and eating and drinking coffee. Or sometimes she stays late at work because they tell her too and she just can't say no!
But I think my biggest problem is that she never listens to me when I say something and when I do she doesn't respect me. This is a whole other story but my ODS is VERY picky to the point where he used to gag and throw up at the sight, smell and touch of new foods but he has gotten much better since we made the switch to almos milk. She buys him potato chips and French fries because she knows he likes it and if he doesn't eat that then she always say omg what is he gonna eat???? Or if I say he takes so much shits a day most likely due to all the grease and she just says well if he doesn't eat that then what is he gonna eat? Mind you I do not buy the junk, she does! I have told her not to buy it and she does it anyway. The semester is almost over and she watches my kids while I'm gone and she gives my ODS too much milk and gives him 2 bags a chips while I'm gone. And the things hate the most is the soda. Again I do not buy soda, she does and when he sees her drinking it he points to the cup and she will give it to him and I always say no you know he's not supposed to drink soda but she always sys he wants it I can't say no. The other day I was at school and the juice ran out ( she was also the first one to give my ODS juice and also calls me crazy when I fill his cup 2/3 of water and tells me I need to let him enjoy the juice) and she wanted to know what to give him. So I said she he lovvvvves juice so much and hattttteees water why don't u give him water with lemon and she never responded. When I got home she told me she gave him soda BUT don't worry! She put water in it ;)
Now I know you will all say find new day care. My school day care charges $2 an hour and my spring schedule will have 14 total hours times 2 kids times 15 weeks in that semester and the total came up to more than $800. We don't NOT have that money. We are I the process of making cuts in our budget. I just canceled my gym membership and I will be canceling the 2 babies Gerber grow up plans and a few other things but day care can not be paid for since we only make $2750 a month and our rent is $1030.00 and then minus all our bills...
So really I'm looking on advice on how to get my mom to respect me as a young mother (I'm planning on weaning my ODS off the bottle in January while I'm not in school and I don't want her here to intervene cuz ya kno I was on the bottle until 3 1/2 and turned out ok), how can I tell her to gtfo without offended her and what should I do about child care? If we can't afford day care and I REALLY can't trust her to honor my rules then what should I do about school?
Thanks DWIL
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My mother is boycotting Christmas.
So my mother is recently married, but has been together with her husband for a few years.
He is Jewish (kinda important) and although my mother has previously celebrated with us, this year she claims she is boycotting (her words) this year and will take a gift card to a nice resturaunt in the place of presents...
Anyhoo, I don't know much about Hannuka (sp?) and am not sure how to give it in a way that isn't offensive. (Last year I gave him a box of his favorite tea and I guess he was super offended).. And I'm half tempted to not get her gift card because I think it rude to dictate gifts but then again, its not really a gift? It has been a good change, new life for her and all. Maybe she doesn't want to give up celebrating completely?
What would DWIL do?
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MIL rant- ugh! I just want her to freaking leave already
Am I being selfish? My MIL showed up unannounced 4 years ago bcuz she had a fight with her now 4 th ex husband, and she still hasn't left. She's constantly doing crap I think just to piss me off. Like just walking in my room without knocking. This is my damn house. Or moving my furniture because "it looks better this way" when she knows I'm pregnant and can't move it back. Or using my shower when I'm gone even though there's a perfectly working bathroom in the hall. Which I personally think is disgusting. Or putting herself In mine and DH argument. Or using my nail polish without asking. Or like when my lo makes me a drawing I hang it on the fridge and she'll throw it out. Once she even tried to make me feel bad for taking her boys (DH and his lil bro) which we adopted him when the state took him from her. I have tried and tried I raise her son as my own and love her other son like there's no tomorrow, we even got a bigger place so she can have her own room and no she provides 0 help ( no babysitting, no financal help) but she still hates me. I know she has no where else to go but that's her own fault. Why do I have to feel like coming home is a punishment every day just bcuz she screwed up her life???
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MIL wants BIL to move in with us.
So, my DH's FOO are complete crazy. I dunno if it reaches bsc, but its teetering there.
Mil and I tolerate each other, but we will never be friends. To much history between us.
My reoccurring issue with her is her need to make my DH feel responsible for his older and younger brother.
YBIL is about 15, and has a ton of behavioral problems due to mil lack of parenting skills. Mil will call DH and discuss YBIL with him for hours. She asks for advice, wants DH to "give a talking to" him, ext.
She has even mentioned that she wished DH would give YBIL a good ass whooping "because YBIL sure needs one, and he is to big for me to do it myself". They have at times, basicly co-parented.
It has gotten to the point before that she has threatened to send YBIL away to live with GMIL( who is unstable, abusive, and a drug user) if we didn't let him come live with us because she and her husband couldn't handle him anymore. She had talked to the school about tranfering YBIL and even set up support payments, before DH talked her out of it.
Now she is adding on to DH's "responsibility" by trying to make him let OBIL live with us. She called today laying on the guilt trip thick. OBIL lost his job (again), he is starving, living on the street, all alone, he has changed etc. Etc.
The man is almost 30 years old and can't take care of himself. He gets fired from jobs because he won't quit popping pills, has a daughter he has never seen because he hit his GF while she was pregnant, is raciest, sexiest and just not a nice person.
About a year ago MIL let him move in and he stole from her and in general treated her like crap. He was very ungrateful even though she welcomed him back like the prodical.
She finally kicked him out , but now feels guilty again (he calls every two weeks on her payday and gives her a sob story so she will send him money) and she wants US to take him in because he is faaamily. She can't take him because SFIL hates his ever loving guts.
She got pissed when DH told her no, we where not going to support a grown man. Then he threw be under the bus (like usual) and told her that I couldn't stand OBIL and because I am pregnant and hormonal that I couldn't handle OBIL being around all the time.
She gave a really huffy "Fine!", but I know its not over. She has brought up him living with us every couple months, sense she kicked him out.
How do I get her to quit guilt tripping him about it? Also how do I get her to quit trying to make DH YBIL's daddy?
Mil and I tolerate each other, but we will never be friends. To much history between us.
My reoccurring issue with her is her need to make my DH feel responsible for his older and younger brother.
YBIL is about 15, and has a ton of behavioral problems due to mil lack of parenting skills. Mil will call DH and discuss YBIL with him for hours. She asks for advice, wants DH to "give a talking to" him, ext.
She has even mentioned that she wished DH would give YBIL a good ass whooping "because YBIL sure needs one, and he is to big for me to do it myself". They have at times, basicly co-parented.
It has gotten to the point before that she has threatened to send YBIL away to live with GMIL( who is unstable, abusive, and a drug user) if we didn't let him come live with us because she and her husband couldn't handle him anymore. She had talked to the school about tranfering YBIL and even set up support payments, before DH talked her out of it.
Now she is adding on to DH's "responsibility" by trying to make him let OBIL live with us. She called today laying on the guilt trip thick. OBIL lost his job (again), he is starving, living on the street, all alone, he has changed etc. Etc.
The man is almost 30 years old and can't take care of himself. He gets fired from jobs because he won't quit popping pills, has a daughter he has never seen because he hit his GF while she was pregnant, is raciest, sexiest and just not a nice person.
About a year ago MIL let him move in and he stole from her and in general treated her like crap. He was very ungrateful even though she welcomed him back like the prodical.
She finally kicked him out , but now feels guilty again (he calls every two weeks on her payday and gives her a sob story so she will send him money) and she wants US to take him in because he is faaamily. She can't take him because SFIL hates his ever loving guts.
She got pissed when DH told her no, we where not going to support a grown man. Then he threw be under the bus (like usual) and told her that I couldn't stand OBIL and because I am pregnant and hormonal that I couldn't handle OBIL being around all the time.
She gave a really huffy "Fine!", but I know its not over. She has brought up him living with us every couple months, sense she kicked him out.
How do I get her to quit guilt tripping him about it? Also how do I get her to quit trying to make DH YBIL's daddy?
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Surviving Christmas with the inlaws? **TRIGGER**
BG: I was married to DH on 10-26-12. When we got married my MIL lived nearly 2 hours away and I would call her once a week to keep her updated, life was pretty great then. We had gone through fertility treatments and were pregnant with our first child and that is when everything went sour. In December MIL decided that she wanted to move closer to help me through the pregnancy and to be closer after the baby was born. DH is an only child and he was 34 when we got married and she had been waiting for grandchildren for quite some time. Being newlyweds I asked that she not move down close to us until after the baby was born, her due date was 6/11/13. I said I did not need help with anything before then and would really appreciate it if she continued to give us our space. Well we compromised that she could come down in March and start looking for apartments but there would be rules on when she could visit and she most certainly could not have a key to our house. I was really avoiding an everybody loves raymond situation.
I went in for a routine sonogram on January 30th and the sonogram showed there was something wrong with the baby but they were not sure what. I was put in the hospital for a week and in that week my MIL took it upon herself to move down to help us...something that made no sense because I was going to be hospitalized for what looked like at least 4 months until that baby arrived, so it wasn't like she could really help me with anything. Well after a week it became apparent that our daughter had a rare condition that would cause her to pass away as soon as the umbilical cord was cut if she even survived the pregnancy.
So at this point I am faced with the fact that our daughter was going to die and my MIL moved in a block away from my house despite the fact that I begged her to stay away.
Throughout the rest of the pregnancy she made it all about herself...it was her granddaughter that was dying and no one in the world could possibly understand what SHE was going through. Not even shitting you that is what she told my hairdresser.
I was fortunate enough to make it to 36 weeks and the doctor induced labor to allow us to meet our daughter alive...it was planned for 3 weeks, so there was absolutely no surprise what day she was going to be born on. We went into the hospital the night before and the doctor anticipated our daughter to be born around noon. Well I was fully dilated at 530 am, so we made phone calls to the entire familly and everyone made it to the hospital. My mother in law showed up still drunk...she left the bar at 2 am when they closed and I had to have my friend that came down from Chicago go to her house and wake her up and drive her to the hospital so she could meet her only grandchild while she was alive. She came in the room after Addison was born, was in the room when she died 38 minutes later and then shortly after she died had my friend take her home because she was tired and hungover. For someone that made my whole pregnancy about her and for someone that was sooo excited to meet her grandchild she left within an hour of her birth even though we had her body with us for 12 hours before the funeral home came.
After the funeral she wanted to spend lots of time with me but I said that I wanted to be alone with my husband. We both took a month off of work and she felt that she needed to be with us during that time. She came over three days after Addy was born and asked if she could get some of my pain pills since she hurt her back...i couldnt even believe that she asked a woman who gave birth three days prior for her paid meds and wanted her out of my house so bad I just gave them to her.
FF to my birthday on 7/30. We had been distant for nearly three months and on my birthday she sent over gifts for me. She got me a book called "a mother's legacy". It's actually a cute idea for a gift for someone who had a healthy baby..it's like a journal that you fill out and your are supposed to give it to your child when they are older. It has spots for how you and DH met and then you fill in all about your pregnancy and then it has spots for you to continually update the journal about your baby's childhood. She also bought me some kinky sex game...which we had never talked about sex before. Well the book through me into a deep depression because it was so insensitive. I cried for nearly 3 hours and contemplated writing on every page of the book "i wish i knew the answer to this question but my daughter is in a casket and we probably can not get pregnant again"
Well I didn't send a thank you card and she asked DH how I liked the gift and he told her it was incredibly insensitive to give that book to her when her baby died 12 weeks prior. She was so dense she didn't even think that it was an awful gift.
She started texting me how I was an ungrateful piece of shit and she does not love me. She wishes my husband married anyone else and a whole bunch of other insults. I called and had her number blocked.
In October we went to counseling a couple of times but that was the first time we had talked since July. Counseling was just a whole bunch of name calling on both of our parts and she has refused to go since. She has been over a few times here and there but we really haven't talked. I just let her spend time with DH and I go in another room.
Now for my question...
DH has requested that I spend Christmas eve with her. I hate this woman so much and it's been best since we don't talk but I want to be nice and just get through one day with her but I know she is going to start drama. I had requested that she not get me any presents because i don't want a "bad" gift to trigger any emotions and she has already been crying to DH about how she just wants to love me and I push her away. I am dreading this day so much and am curious how you ladies cope with basically being forced to spend time with crazy MIL's
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UD32, checking in 30; UD22, 23 Triggers. Help. FOO
I'm not sure where to start. This may get long...
Hi, I'm KayMoFTM. I'm not a FTM anymore but don't know how/where to change the screen name just yet. Its been a while since I used BBC. I've only used this profile for the baby update emails. Shame.
BG: I moved out on my own at 18 because my dad always said he'd call the cops if I left before then. Actually, it took walking in on him having sex with notmymom for me to leave. He told me that if I told my mom what I seen, he would kill me. So I left and never explained why to anyone. My mom caught him the week before Thanksgiving. He beat her up pretty badly so she missed that Thanksgiving. They are still together. He still cheats. Turns out that he always cheated and would pay these women everytime. He said (cause he came clean eventually) that he spent about 300 every month, sometimes more if there was "extra money" that month.
My dad beat my mom alot growing up. Sometimes he would beat us (my brother and I) just to hurt my mother's feelings even more.
They smoked alot of pot (personal opinions aside, they wasted alot of time and money that could've been spent on their children) and popped pills.
We often didn't have any food to eat or the power or water would be cut off. Now I realize it was because of their additions to drugs and sex. Those things were more important than their children eating or staying warm.
Now as a mother (DD is 12mo) I can not imagine every doing any of this stuff. I'm angry for their choices. I'm angry that my mother never left him and made us suffer. I'm angry that my father wasted money on whores instead of making sure we had food, water, or heat. I burried these feelings for a very long time. I stayed busy during high school and after. Then I became a mother and these things slowly came to the surface. I'm at my breaking point and I'm not sure where to go from here.
When my parents visit, often and uninvited, they make nasty remarks the entire time. Racial (DH is "not white"), women hate, and child hate. We practice peaceful attached parenting. Its totally different than what they are use to. They totally disrespect my parenting choices, belittle my DH because is Cuban, and make rude remarks about our life in general. We breastfeed and that was a BSC moment and still is for my mother. She called me a few weeks ago to tell me that since DD's birthday is coming up that I need to "stop doing that and respect my husband because those are hits tits."
I could go on and on about stuff but this post is getting long.
I'm sick of them. I don't they will change their ways and those ways are no naccepted in my home. However, I'm deathly afraid of them. I can't find the words or courage to say anything in person.. i just sit there and boil. I've thought about writing them but idk what to say and I'd bet 1million internet dollars they'd be over here immediately.
Talk to me about this. I may sit back and read for a minute but I'll be back!
Oh, for clarification... I realize that being angry at my mom for staying is not the support she needs as an abused woman. However, being abused isn't what I needed either. She left himk a few times but always went back. I also don't care who smokes pot or not. I do care when its more important than your children eating.
Hi, I'm KayMoFTM. I'm not a FTM anymore but don't know how/where to change the screen name just yet. Its been a while since I used BBC. I've only used this profile for the baby update emails. Shame.
BG: I moved out on my own at 18 because my dad always said he'd call the cops if I left before then. Actually, it took walking in on him having sex with notmymom for me to leave. He told me that if I told my mom what I seen, he would kill me. So I left and never explained why to anyone. My mom caught him the week before Thanksgiving. He beat her up pretty badly so she missed that Thanksgiving. They are still together. He still cheats. Turns out that he always cheated and would pay these women everytime. He said (cause he came clean eventually) that he spent about 300 every month, sometimes more if there was "extra money" that month.
My dad beat my mom alot growing up. Sometimes he would beat us (my brother and I) just to hurt my mother's feelings even more.
They smoked alot of pot (personal opinions aside, they wasted alot of time and money that could've been spent on their children) and popped pills.
We often didn't have any food to eat or the power or water would be cut off. Now I realize it was because of their additions to drugs and sex. Those things were more important than their children eating or staying warm.
Now as a mother (DD is 12mo) I can not imagine every doing any of this stuff. I'm angry for their choices. I'm angry that my mother never left him and made us suffer. I'm angry that my father wasted money on whores instead of making sure we had food, water, or heat. I burried these feelings for a very long time. I stayed busy during high school and after. Then I became a mother and these things slowly came to the surface. I'm at my breaking point and I'm not sure where to go from here.
When my parents visit, often and uninvited, they make nasty remarks the entire time. Racial (DH is "not white"), women hate, and child hate. We practice peaceful attached parenting. Its totally different than what they are use to. They totally disrespect my parenting choices, belittle my DH because is Cuban, and make rude remarks about our life in general. We breastfeed and that was a BSC moment and still is for my mother. She called me a few weeks ago to tell me that since DD's birthday is coming up that I need to "stop doing that and respect my husband because those are hits tits."
I could go on and on about stuff but this post is getting long.
I'm sick of them. I don't they will change their ways and those ways are no naccepted in my home. However, I'm deathly afraid of them. I can't find the words or courage to say anything in person.. i just sit there and boil. I've thought about writing them but idk what to say and I'd bet 1million internet dollars they'd be over here immediately.
Talk to me about this. I may sit back and read for a minute but I'll be back!
Oh, for clarification... I realize that being angry at my mom for staying is not the support she needs as an abused woman. However, being abused isn't what I needed either. She left himk a few times but always went back. I also don't care who smokes pot or not. I do care when its more important than your children eating.
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OT, DWIL Move/Leave now gif & jpeg submissions
Because Im suck in the office on a weekend....
My submission is this:
My submission is this:
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Best of the GPs feeding LO incidents
I honestly can't believe how many times on this board I have read that an EBF baby has been given cereal or frosting or worse by a grandparent. I simply do not understand the obsession.
My parents were playing with my nieces when my niece asked for M&Ms. My brother (niece's dad) said no. My dad gave it to her anyway right in front of my brother. I looked at my brother to see what he would do and he said, "Grandparents are supposed to spoil the grandkids!" What a freaking unicorn. I said to my dad, "Enjoy that with the girls because when my son is born, that won't happen after I say no". My dad got a mischievous look on his face and said, "Well, we will just have to do it when you're not around". Even though I had never been on DWIL yet, I said, "Then I guess you won't be spending any time around him!"
Now my son is born and my parents have not stepped a toe out of line. He's still pretty new though so I'm keeping a close eye on things. I told my husband we have to be vigilant about this feeding crap, because it is common for people want to sneak food to babies. He seems like he doesn't believe me and I would love to have a thread of feeding incidents to share with him. Not to mention, the llamas are hungry. Babies don't need M&Ms but llamas need drama- they're STAARVING!
My parents were playing with my nieces when my niece asked for M&Ms. My brother (niece's dad) said no. My dad gave it to her anyway right in front of my brother. I looked at my brother to see what he would do and he said, "Grandparents are supposed to spoil the grandkids!" What a freaking unicorn. I said to my dad, "Enjoy that with the girls because when my son is born, that won't happen after I say no". My dad got a mischievous look on his face and said, "Well, we will just have to do it when you're not around". Even though I had never been on DWIL yet, I said, "Then I guess you won't be spending any time around him!"
Now my son is born and my parents have not stepped a toe out of line. He's still pretty new though so I'm keeping a close eye on things. I told my husband we have to be vigilant about this feeding crap, because it is common for people want to sneak food to babies. He seems like he doesn't believe me and I would love to have a thread of feeding incidents to share with him. Not to mention, the llamas are hungry. Babies don't need M&Ms but llamas need drama- they're STAARVING!
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It's Done (UD 1-5, 8, 10, 11, Small UD 12)
I have some BG here regarding our planned trip back home for Thanksgiving, and my concerns regarding my BSC mother. However I am in my phone and can't link.
Those concerns will no longer be an issue. My mom is CO fillowing yet another blow out on the debil yesterday. Why didn't I do this sooner?
After being a DuW of epic proportions for years I finally woke up. After she deliberately tried to bait DH into an argument in which she called him names and said he was keeping me and our son from her I'm done dealing with her. I told DH to have at it (he's been dying to tell her off for years) and when he was done we both blocked her. We won't be answering any forms of communication. She'll likely try to send Christmas presents (bribery is her favorite form of rug sweeping her bouts of BSC) but they will be sent back.
It's amazing how relieved I am knowing I don't even have to deal with her when we're in town for Thanksgiving. Or ever. Any advice for ignoring the BSC that will come when she realizes I'm serious about this?
Those concerns will no longer be an issue. My mom is CO fillowing yet another blow out on the debil yesterday. Why didn't I do this sooner?
After being a DuW of epic proportions for years I finally woke up. After she deliberately tried to bait DH into an argument in which she called him names and said he was keeping me and our son from her I'm done dealing with her. I told DH to have at it (he's been dying to tell her off for years) and when he was done we both blocked her. We won't be answering any forms of communication. She'll likely try to send Christmas presents (bribery is her favorite form of rug sweeping her bouts of BSC) but they will be sent back.
It's amazing how relieved I am knowing I don't even have to deal with her when we're in town for Thanksgiving. Or ever. Any advice for ignoring the BSC that will come when she realizes I'm serious about this?
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what do i do next?
Do i lc, to, or co? is the difference between these three? How do I decide which one is necessary? How do I begin to put one in place?
BG: my foo has always treated me like an outcast as long as I can remember because I'm "different". I've never felt like I fit in even with extended family. The worst of all of them is my mother. She has constantly picked on me, treated me differently, favored my siblings over me (I'm the oldest). She constantly tries to guilt trip me and pit my sisters and me against each other to get the information she wants. She makes everything about herself and always has to have the attention on her. It drives me absolutely nuts! She treats my dad like shit too. As I have gotten older, I've been able to see how she manipulates people and I've tried to back away. Moved out on my own, got a job to support myself, and bought a car. I'm now married and expecting my first child due in march. She has gone grandma crazy and it makes me sick. She has to constantly "one up" everybody. If someone makes a comment about my pregnancy on fb she has to make a better one. If someone buys something for the baby, she has to buy something bigger and brag about it to everyone. Everything she buys has something about grandma on it. All of which has been left at her house. I refuse to take it with me. I know no matter what i do she will never change. I only visit once every other month. I skipped thanksgiving and am seriously considering skipping Xmas as well. What do i need to do next? She sends my stress levels straight through the roof and so far what I'm doing isn't helping... What do I do next and how to I start implementing it? I need to start this before baby arrives or we will have some serious boundary stomping issues and i may kill her! Please give me some advice on what you would do...
BG: my foo has always treated me like an outcast as long as I can remember because I'm "different". I've never felt like I fit in even with extended family. The worst of all of them is my mother. She has constantly picked on me, treated me differently, favored my siblings over me (I'm the oldest). She constantly tries to guilt trip me and pit my sisters and me against each other to get the information she wants. She makes everything about herself and always has to have the attention on her. It drives me absolutely nuts! She treats my dad like shit too. As I have gotten older, I've been able to see how she manipulates people and I've tried to back away. Moved out on my own, got a job to support myself, and bought a car. I'm now married and expecting my first child due in march. She has gone grandma crazy and it makes me sick. She has to constantly "one up" everybody. If someone makes a comment about my pregnancy on fb she has to make a better one. If someone buys something for the baby, she has to buy something bigger and brag about it to everyone. Everything she buys has something about grandma on it. All of which has been left at her house. I refuse to take it with me. I know no matter what i do she will never change. I only visit once every other month. I skipped thanksgiving and am seriously considering skipping Xmas as well. What do i need to do next? She sends my stress levels straight through the roof and so far what I'm doing isn't helping... What do I do next and how to I start implementing it? I need to start this before baby arrives or we will have some serious boundary stomping issues and i may kill her! Please give me some advice on what you would do...
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Sort of OT - FOO boundary stomping surprise visit - MMOB?
BG: my dad is self-absorbed and thinks surprise visits to me and my sister are the best thing ever. He and my mom have surprised me twice and my sister several times. I dislike surprises but my parents are generally non-boundary stomping and I only see them twice a year so it's fine. My sister HATES it. My parents always stay in a hotel and don't expect us to cancel prior plans, but it still really bothers my sis and it's her life, so she has the right to be bothered.
Current issue - my sister's DH just got deployed so she's home alone with her five kids. My parents decided to surprise her and fly across the country for a visit for Christmas. My mom convinced my dad to give her a weeks notice, but he backed out on that and demands my mom doesn't tell her. My sister knows they planned to visit sometime during his deployment and has specifically asked them to give her a days notice. Her DH knows about the visit and told them to just show up (my DH thinks he's an a-hole for not standing up for his wife and her request that they give notice).
I feel caught in the middle because they told me but I usually am a MYOB kind of person. However, I also know the trip will be ten times more enjoyable for my sister and therefore my parents if she knows in advance.
Should I tell her to expect a surprise visit sometime soon or say nothing at all?
Current issue - my sister's DH just got deployed so she's home alone with her five kids. My parents decided to surprise her and fly across the country for a visit for Christmas. My mom convinced my dad to give her a weeks notice, but he backed out on that and demands my mom doesn't tell her. My sister knows they planned to visit sometime during his deployment and has specifically asked them to give her a days notice. Her DH knows about the visit and told them to just show up (my DH thinks he's an a-hole for not standing up for his wife and her request that they give notice).
I feel caught in the middle because they told me but I usually am a MYOB kind of person. However, I also know the trip will be ten times more enjoyable for my sister and therefore my parents if she knows in advance.
Should I tell her to expect a surprise visit sometime soon or say nothing at all?
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parents response to my pregnancy...
Re-posting here since its more relevant...
Well, my parents finally heard I'm pregnant. Based on lots of family drama I had not told them. My dad called today today, he is really upset to hear I've been pregnant for quite some time and had not even told them. He thinks I should contact my mom as she is very upset. He says I can't possibly understand how hard this is for her. How a mother is connected to her daughter and for her to hear I'm pregnant and didn't tell her...howhurt she is...
I feel that I did not tell them because I feared talking to them. they have said some very cruel things in the resent past and I was afraid they would make the pregnancy about them and use it to introod and control my life.
Was I wrong to not tell them?
Is it understandable that I chose to protect myself and my baby by not telling them?
Is it reasonable that I think my mom should call and ask to have a part in me and my babies life or should I contact her ad my dad wants?
Well, my parents finally heard I'm pregnant. Based on lots of family drama I had not told them. My dad called today today, he is really upset to hear I've been pregnant for quite some time and had not even told them. He thinks I should contact my mom as she is very upset. He says I can't possibly understand how hard this is for her. How a mother is connected to her daughter and for her to hear I'm pregnant and didn't tell her...howhurt she is...
I feel that I did not tell them because I feared talking to them. they have said some very cruel things in the resent past and I was afraid they would make the pregnancy about them and use it to introod and control my life.
Was I wrong to not tell them?
Is it understandable that I chose to protect myself and my baby by not telling them?
Is it reasonable that I think my mom should call and ask to have a part in me and my babies life or should I contact her ad my dad wants?
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ready to CO sil
I have some yummy and long background on here that I will try to link (or someone may help me out). I'm posting on my phone while nursing my lo, so forgive my phone it's idiotic spelling.
My sil and I have never gotten along (this is dh's brother's wife). We are two very different people. We have had a fake cordial relationship. In my background I spoke about how sil decided that her kids are not to be around my baby because he is not vaccinated. Totally her kids, her rules. We are both sahm so it is not often we would be without our kids so this cuts visits down a lot. Tonight I happened to see her at our company's christmas party. I arrived, she ignored me. I got around to saying hi to her. It was terribly awkard. Dh told me in the car that she took him aside and said his mom told her that dh said sil doesn't like him. My dh shrugged it off, saying he has no idea what she is taking about. Well he had said that to mil and is very annoyed that she repeated it to sil. Dh needs help addressing that with mil. There is no big recent drama with sil, I am simply done with our oh-so-fake relationship, u am angry/annoyed/both after every visit or interaction and our relationship is useless because it's so fake. I don't want to ever see her again and I don't think she would mind in the least. The only people who would mind is pil; but with the lo's not getting together anyway, doesn't seem like it would be much of a loss.
My dh is not a great communicator and hates when he tries to tell his family we have an issue because they always argue with him and he feels he cant explain or get the point across, really he just jades way too much and hasn't mastered saying myob. He is fine with me CO sil but he doesn't want to have to answer the eventual questions on why I never attend events with sil, if I was to say nothing and just stop seeing her. However, I think telling her she is CO now would just create drama. I guess it's a deal with the drama now, or later debate we are in right now.
My sil and I have never gotten along (this is dh's brother's wife). We are two very different people. We have had a fake cordial relationship. In my background I spoke about how sil decided that her kids are not to be around my baby because he is not vaccinated. Totally her kids, her rules. We are both sahm so it is not often we would be without our kids so this cuts visits down a lot. Tonight I happened to see her at our company's christmas party. I arrived, she ignored me. I got around to saying hi to her. It was terribly awkard. Dh told me in the car that she took him aside and said his mom told her that dh said sil doesn't like him. My dh shrugged it off, saying he has no idea what she is taking about. Well he had said that to mil and is very annoyed that she repeated it to sil. Dh needs help addressing that with mil. There is no big recent drama with sil, I am simply done with our oh-so-fake relationship, u am angry/annoyed/both after every visit or interaction and our relationship is useless because it's so fake. I don't want to ever see her again and I don't think she would mind in the least. The only people who would mind is pil; but with the lo's not getting together anyway, doesn't seem like it would be much of a loss.
My dh is not a great communicator and hates when he tries to tell his family we have an issue because they always argue with him and he feels he cant explain or get the point across, really he just jades way too much and hasn't mastered saying myob. He is fine with me CO sil but he doesn't want to have to answer the eventual questions on why I never attend events with sil, if I was to say nothing and just stop seeing her. However, I think telling her she is CO now would just create drama. I guess it's a deal with the drama now, or later debate we are in right now.
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Help! Update, PG 10, pg 15, pg 20, pg 26 Reply to my Email
My family and my SO don't get along. My family doesn't like him because he has felonies from 15 years ago. My SO doesn't like them because they judged him and are cold to him and tried numerous times to convince me to leave him.
My SO refuses to do anything with them for the holidays. (It would require us to make a 3 hour drive to the neighboring state. Not a super long drive, but still.) He says he doesn't want them to ruin his holidays. I can't say that I blame him.
Now, my stepmom is emailing me, saying they want to throw a birthday party for our daughter. (She was born Jan 1.)
I know my SO is going to say "hell no."
How do I handle this??? I feel guilty for keeping my family away from her, but at the same time, they have not been kind to my SO and if the situation were reversed, I can't say that I would feel any differently than he does.
What should I do?
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Texas Roadhouse ruined my dinner
So my PIL's recently moved 1.5 hours away and are coming back Thursday to pick up their storage contents. They asked my husband if we wanted to go out to eat with them at Texas Roadhouse. They know our YDS has a peanut allergy and that place has peanuts on the tables and floors. Instead of picking a different place to eat that we can all go, they decided just my husband should go. I told my DUH that he should not go because they should have changed the restaurant, but won't because they waaaaaant prime rib and are supposedly celebrating their anniversary. He thinks I'm making him pick and it's not fair. He also doesn't see why I would be offended. Am I wrong? How can I explain myself better?
Eta: stupid swypos.
Eta: stupid swypos.
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