Two years ago we moved 8 hours across Texas so we could live down the street from my parents. Before the move, I had a great relationship with my kids. I stayed home with them all day and we all got along great. We valued the simple things in life & enjoyed our family time together. Now that Grandma has started visiting us once or twice a week, I feel that my relationship has been damaged with my kids and I don't know how to fix it.
You see, I believe in living a simple lifestyle. I don't take my kids to buy fastfood or milkshakes unless its a "special occassion." This works for out budget & until we moved here it was the way things were -- my kids were EXCITED about the simple special outings we did. Not anymore. Enter Grandma, who brings armloads of junk food anytime she visits, buys my kids fancy clothes (whereas in the past, buying our "Easter dress" had been a big and fun outing to the thrift store for my daughter and I... not anymore! She gets fancier clothes from Grandma for no occassion whatsoever!)
I could go on and on with examples, but I'm sure you get the idea. I feel like my mom has literally "bought" (with sweet treats and clothes) my kids' love away from me. I can't do ANTYING special with my kids anymore because Grandma busts in and does something more-expensive and fancier. And I KNOW she knows it and LOVES it.
I have tried to get her to stop. It is impossible. She hops out the car with her arms full of junk food (in plain sight) and says (loudly), "I brought all this for the kids!! Is it okay if I give it to them?" And of course the kids are watching!! Sometimes I say, "After they eat lunch," and she says, "Oh, come on! They've had plenty of healthy food!" And when the kids go to her whining about wanting the candy NOW she turns to me and says, "See! Come on!! Just let them have one piece now! What's your problem?!" And there I am -- cast as the mean old mom. When in the past it was a "given" that we had healthy food first and dessert came afterwards -- such a NORMAL expectation & now I feel like its a fight.
Is it any wonder my daughter says she loves Grandma more than me & that every craft she makes at Sunday school or every picture she draws and every flower she picks... is for Grandma???
Yet I gave up my career to stay home full-time with my kids. Instead of feeling like I've traded my degrees for a life of crafting a simple and wholesome family life, I feel like I am just the servant doing the chores while I wait for the Queen (my mom) to make her next appearance.
This is NOT how I want to live my life!!! But short of moving away (which is not realistic, due to my husband's job), I don't know what to do!!
What woud you do??