I'll try to make this short as possible. This has gone on for years- so here's the condensed version. I can provide more detail if needed
My brother's wife(my SIL) is subletly pursuing my husband. I've spoken with her and BOO about this and BOO got really upset and refused to acknowledge it. I asked him if he would at least pay attention to the things she does when we are all around each other but he does not.He's oblivious to the things she does/says. (I've looked at him for a reaction as these things occur--and he's usually not even paying attention)
After speaking with SIL and BOO, SIL tried to turn it around and say if anything my DH is probably interested in her and told my brother that she finds my DH unattractive.
Its hard to explain it all without making this into a novel. Here's the kind of things she does.
She goes out of her way to interact with DH She will give everyone else a general HEY EVERYONE or not speak at all. But then says HEY ___ (my DH), And then as an afterthought and hey IncongnitoOne. If he goes off to the side of the room she will follow or she will shortly appear in the general vicinity. When I leave DH's side she quickly jets over to him and tries to make conversation using our child as the topic of discussion (my DH is an excellent father) DH is very short with her.
I've tried being friends with her thinking maybe i misunderstood her intentions. We've gone to the nail salon, shopping etc. When we hang out and DH is not in attendance -she doesnt take any care of her appearance. When he's coming (she often asks if we are--then asks if my hub has to work that day and then casually says oh your brother is off that day too). Then she comes to the gathering in revealing clothes and makeup (she hardly ever wears makeup).
At family gatherings, she positions herself in front of my DH. If we are eating dinner she sits directly in front of him. Or if DH and I are talking she comes over and pretends to talk to me. For some reason she then turns the convo in a sexual direction and she'll say things about wanting her girl parts pierced, or mention her nipple rings, or that she doesnt mind my brother going to the strip club and that she will go with him (but he doesnt go) and how lucky he is to have a wife like her and that my brother's friend agrees. She says this to me but with my DH beside me. She says that when she goes to the lingerie shop the clerk once asked if she was a stripper because of the size of her derriere.
She often bends over (in front of DH), or talks about the size of her derriere and how she gets all this unwanted attention because of it from men.
I know that she is not the super sexual person she portrays because i've also heard her and BOO arguing about their sex life- and how she is never interested and very monotonous.
She always makes specific comments that are geared to my husband saying she likes men with his features (skintone and particular hairstyle) when my brother looks completely opposite. This happens in the presence of myself and my BOO. She comments on our FB pictures saying that with his haircut he now looks like an attractive famous actor (not named as am trying to not give out identifying information). She also constantly compliments my DH on his appearance. Noticing if he has on something new or a fresh haircut.
We were once talking about desserts and my husband mentioned he likes red velvet cake. Now EVERY cookout/potluck/holiday dinner she brings red velvet cupcakes (and this has gone on for over 2 years). She even did this at my brothers birthday party--my brother mentioned jokingly why she bought every flavor but his favorite (Vanilla).
I only see my BOO and SIL at family get-togethers so thats usually about once a month. My other family members have noticed and mentioned to my brother and he says that we just dont like her and won't give her a chance or are trying to come between their marriage.
My family does not do things like that and as a result we have all fallen back and now no one says anything and its free reign for SIL.
The incident that sparked this post, happened today. My BOO invited DH to play basketball today. They only go a few times a year. The last time they had a community game- SIL yells out to my DH(who was sitting at the bottom of the bleachers waiting to join the next game) to come sit with them and that she doesnt know why he is acting like a stranger. (this was approx 3 months ago)
Today, DH asks my BOO for the address and then SIL says in the background that she will get the address and directions and then proceeds to fwd this to my brother to send to my DH.
(
The part that bothered me--- she shows up with BOO to the gym. Typically she does not go- this was confirmed by the front desk receptionist saying how SIL never comes to the gym and she hadn't seen her in so long.
I don't know what to do. i love my BOO but he refuses to even acknowledge the situation.
Please help me. When this happens I never know what to say. I hate confrontation and it has caused my brother and I to have major fights in the past. But it needs to stop.
My brother's wife(my SIL) is subletly pursuing my husband. I've spoken with her and BOO about this and BOO got really upset and refused to acknowledge it. I asked him if he would at least pay attention to the things she does when we are all around each other but he does not.He's oblivious to the things she does/says. (I've looked at him for a reaction as these things occur--and he's usually not even paying attention)
After speaking with SIL and BOO, SIL tried to turn it around and say if anything my DH is probably interested in her and told my brother that she finds my DH unattractive.
Its hard to explain it all without making this into a novel. Here's the kind of things she does.
She goes out of her way to interact with DH She will give everyone else a general HEY EVERYONE or not speak at all. But then says HEY ___ (my DH), And then as an afterthought and hey IncongnitoOne. If he goes off to the side of the room she will follow or she will shortly appear in the general vicinity. When I leave DH's side she quickly jets over to him and tries to make conversation using our child as the topic of discussion (my DH is an excellent father) DH is very short with her.
I've tried being friends with her thinking maybe i misunderstood her intentions. We've gone to the nail salon, shopping etc. When we hang out and DH is not in attendance -she doesnt take any care of her appearance. When he's coming (she often asks if we are--then asks if my hub has to work that day and then casually says oh your brother is off that day too). Then she comes to the gathering in revealing clothes and makeup (she hardly ever wears makeup).
At family gatherings, she positions herself in front of my DH. If we are eating dinner she sits directly in front of him. Or if DH and I are talking she comes over and pretends to talk to me. For some reason she then turns the convo in a sexual direction and she'll say things about wanting her girl parts pierced, or mention her nipple rings, or that she doesnt mind my brother going to the strip club and that she will go with him (but he doesnt go) and how lucky he is to have a wife like her and that my brother's friend agrees. She says this to me but with my DH beside me. She says that when she goes to the lingerie shop the clerk once asked if she was a stripper because of the size of her derriere.
She often bends over (in front of DH), or talks about the size of her derriere and how she gets all this unwanted attention because of it from men.
I know that she is not the super sexual person she portrays because i've also heard her and BOO arguing about their sex life- and how she is never interested and very monotonous.
She always makes specific comments that are geared to my husband saying she likes men with his features (skintone and particular hairstyle) when my brother looks completely opposite. This happens in the presence of myself and my BOO. She comments on our FB pictures saying that with his haircut he now looks like an attractive famous actor (not named as am trying to not give out identifying information). She also constantly compliments my DH on his appearance. Noticing if he has on something new or a fresh haircut.
We were once talking about desserts and my husband mentioned he likes red velvet cake. Now EVERY cookout/potluck/holiday dinner she brings red velvet cupcakes (and this has gone on for over 2 years). She even did this at my brothers birthday party--my brother mentioned jokingly why she bought every flavor but his favorite (Vanilla).
I only see my BOO and SIL at family get-togethers so thats usually about once a month. My other family members have noticed and mentioned to my brother and he says that we just dont like her and won't give her a chance or are trying to come between their marriage.
My family does not do things like that and as a result we have all fallen back and now no one says anything and its free reign for SIL.
The incident that sparked this post, happened today. My BOO invited DH to play basketball today. They only go a few times a year. The last time they had a community game- SIL yells out to my DH(who was sitting at the bottom of the bleachers waiting to join the next game) to come sit with them and that she doesnt know why he is acting like a stranger. (this was approx 3 months ago)
Today, DH asks my BOO for the address and then SIL says in the background that she will get the address and directions and then proceeds to fwd this to my brother to send to my DH.
(
The part that bothered me--- she shows up with BOO to the gym. Typically she does not go- this was confirmed by the front desk receptionist saying how SIL never comes to the gym and she hadn't seen her in so long.
I don't know what to do. i love my BOO but he refuses to even acknowledge the situation.
Please help me. When this happens I never know what to say. I hate confrontation and it has caused my brother and I to have major fights in the past. But it needs to stop.