Well we went to the beach, it was a nice trip. MIL was cordial. Met the GPIL, and they were cool. Then the drama started...
Short version: LO didn't take to MIL so she (MIL) cried at every moment it seemed. LO of course wants her mama, I frickin take care of her. Pretty much a single mom here so she is used to me! MIL would walk off and cry bc LO didn't want to go to her.
Long version:
When LO was first born, SO's whole family came to see her. (That's how I feel even though SO says they want to see me too, bullshit, they want to see LO.) We were out to eat and they passed her up and down the table, each person (5 people) holding her even though she was getting fussy. I sat there, not wanting to stir anything up. MIL finally passed her back to me as the food arrived and LO broke out into hungry cry. So I got to BF LO and eat my food 1 handed. (SO did help feed me, but he totally didn't understand why I was mad that they passed her up and down the table like she was some trophy.. He responded "Well this is probably the only time they'll get to see her!" This is because I refuse to move to his hometown, several states away from my FOO, where he and I met, where I've lived my whole life..ugh.)
On the beach trip, it happens again...at one point while we're at a restaurant waiting on our food to arrive, I say I need to BF LO so I don't have to BF her when my own food gets there. She looks at me, looks the other way, and doesn't hand her over. SO looks at me like "Do I need to get LO for you?" and I'm already frustrated so I say "No, I'm going to the bathroom." then I just get up and leave without waiting for him to say anything. I call my mom when I'm finally gone and she tells me that MIL is just crying for attention or hurt, and I've already tried talking to her so leave her be. SO comes with LO about 3 minutes after I've left, and I just tell him how I feel his mom is being rude. Slightly annoyed that his GMIL took LO around and showed her off to his whole family at a family reunion while I wasn't there. I'm annoyed that she is so childish, that he doesn't have a career job and she is enabling this childish shit in him to chase after his dream job when he has a family to take care of. In the end of the trip, I didn't say anything to MIL, I just got cold towards her. She came into my and SO's room while LO and I were playing on the bed and talked right to LO. I didn't say anything to her. Then she said some stupid crap that boys ALWAYS walk before girls. What sense does that even make?? IDK why that bothered me so much that she said that. Maybe bc I feel it's so symbolic of her as a person.
Luckily she has gone back to her home state far away from me and I don't have to deal with her baby hogging, overemotional self anymore. SIL is planning a meet up in a couple months though, and I just don't know.
1) How do I get SO to see that he needs to be more than his mom is allowing him to grow to? She seriously seems to have low expectations of him. He has a drinking problem and once she told me that he drinks a lot less in a "I'm proud of him" way. He was still drinking 3-4 beers. A day. Every day. I encouraged him to keep decreasing it. Too young to be dependent on alcohol. She seemed to think my standards were too high. Even he has admitted he feels he can't accomplish some of my standards (decrease alcohol intake, stop smoking completely, get a job...all normal things by my perspective). I suspect her outlook has an impact on how he views himself.
2) I mean she's not in TO at all from the beach incident of crying b/c LO doesn't want to go to her or not passing me my LO when I said I needed to BF. SO said perhaps she didn't even hear me when I said it, and maybe she didn't. But she damn sure didn't say anything when I got up to leave or when I came back. So what do I do on this upcoming meet up with the IL's?
3) I guess this is for me to figure out, but maybe SO and I should just quit each other. What's the point in being with someone if you don't think you can marry them?
A little BG:
SO and I have been together for a few years, I met his mom before and she struck me as the type to try to be her child's friend instead of being a parent. SO and I get into fights and sometimes they get to be huge fights (oddly it's much less frequently now than before LO), and he tells his mommy all about it. SIL tells me how it makes MIL think that I am just causing him so much pain, but SIL tells MIL "then why is he still with her?" (Sometimes I answer that it's bc of LO that he stays, but then I think of the things he does to try to make me happy.) Well I get pregnant, we work on our relationship, I get a job and move away, and here we are. I'm taking care of LO practically on my own, he gives money (a couple hundred if he can manage that) each month and he comes a few times a week to help out, do household chores, cook, etc. for me. We have some things to work on before getting married, and recently, I'm not sure if I even want to get married to him anymore.
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a50671507/mils.acting_like_they_birthed_your_lo_or_always_taking_your_dhs_side