I have lurked, gandered, laughed and fully enjoyed this site knowing I am not the only one with in law issues. I knew eventually I would write about my story.
To sum things up and not write a whole book which i could, my husband and I have always had issues with his parents. However, things have boiled over with the birth of our first baby who is 10 weeks old. Luckily, my parents and us are really close and we can communicate with them with no issues.
My husband's family which includes his father and step mother are our problem. They have made it clear that their only concern is having a relationship with our baby. ( father in law refuses to do anything with my husband that doesn't involve our baby.) Major baby rabies, entitlement, baby hogging, "trying to help" when really they are only trying to help themselves to our baby and them lying to our faces and my parents' faces about us in the hospital being ready for visitors.
( I had a tramatic c section and they received the invitation text to our room first as all the grandparents were in the waiting room and they left my parents, didn't tell them we were ready for visitors, gave the excuse they were "gonna go to nursery to look at the babies "so they could see our baby before them. When asked where my parents were they said they weren't sure, maybe in cafeteria, when they were all in the waiting room sitting together. Luckily, my dad is pretty in tune to their bull shit artistry and followed them up to our room a couple minutes behind them up the elevator. As my parents walk in ,father in law uncomfortably says" oh we were just going to text you guys the room number". All lies.
So they all visit, my parents leave because they see I am visibly sick, purple, swollen, nauseous, and need to get rest.. My damn in laws over stay their welcome because they have gifts for us to open. My husband passively opens the gifts quick and doesn't say "hey guys, please leave and you can come back tomorrow" directly. Finally they are leaving, my step mother in law says "oh little one you are so sweet. We want to take you home and mom and dad can stay in the hospital". After I just had been in labor for two three days not progressing, then a c section where my epidural failed so I felt them cutting me open, trying to wiggle a 10 pound baby out of my 5' 3 small frame and feeling them stitching me up. Needless to say at the end of the surgery thy doped me up pretty good so the afterwards I was pretty out of it. But what kind of woman after knowing all this, mentioning how awful I looked purple and swollen, says she "wants to take my child home and leave mom and dad at the hospital." Complete disrespect and just horribly inconsiderate.
You name it they have done it. I do not care for them. And im okay with that. I know there is no chance of me having a relationship with them but i do tolerate them because i love my husband. They have done things prior to the baby which we both let slide because we only see them once a month or two months. But more recently things they did at the hospital during my labor, (trying to get name tags to come up uninvited to my labor room only stopped because my father stopped them in their tracks, telling them.. "My daughter doesnt want me in the room, let alone you two".)and afterwards that have left me feeling disrespected as a mother, wife and overall as a person and have aggravated my husband as well. . I have always encouraged my husband to see his family and try to communicate with them. Unfortunately because of their controlling parenting styles, it has left my husband very passive with them and they have no communication whatsoever as far as disagreements and concerns. They get butthurt if you dont do what they want. Also a long time ago my husband asked me to let him handle his family and I would handle my parents. (I am not one to hold back my feelings and have pretty healthy communication with my parents. We can curse each other out, vent things out and resolve things pretty quickly. Thats how i was raised, to be honest and real.Sometimes the truth hurts kinda bit.My husbands upbringing is the complete opposite.. Avoid, deny, and go along with whatever his parents say.So a very superficial relationship.)
Now I see that I have allowed their ridiculous ness because I have been worried about making my husband feel uncomfortable in confronting them. So neither of us have confronted them. Also his two sisters are just as passive as he and have moved far far away to have as little contact with them as possible. So all the siblings are quite the avoiders of confrontation because his parents are so manipulative and controlling.
Since the birth of our baby, we have done nothing but fight over them but more so the failed promise of my husband setting them straight, that he has procrastinated on and has avoided like the plague.
My question is do I let my husband handle them in his own way. He had stated he will go talk with them this week at their house. Should I go with my husband or trust that he will communicate and address things by himself. Maybe me write a letter that he can read to them and then address his concerns as well?
Please be as honest and forward with me as possible ladies. Thanks in advance.
To sum things up and not write a whole book which i could, my husband and I have always had issues with his parents. However, things have boiled over with the birth of our first baby who is 10 weeks old. Luckily, my parents and us are really close and we can communicate with them with no issues.
My husband's family which includes his father and step mother are our problem. They have made it clear that their only concern is having a relationship with our baby. ( father in law refuses to do anything with my husband that doesn't involve our baby.) Major baby rabies, entitlement, baby hogging, "trying to help" when really they are only trying to help themselves to our baby and them lying to our faces and my parents' faces about us in the hospital being ready for visitors.
( I had a tramatic c section and they received the invitation text to our room first as all the grandparents were in the waiting room and they left my parents, didn't tell them we were ready for visitors, gave the excuse they were "gonna go to nursery to look at the babies "so they could see our baby before them. When asked where my parents were they said they weren't sure, maybe in cafeteria, when they were all in the waiting room sitting together. Luckily, my dad is pretty in tune to their bull shit artistry and followed them up to our room a couple minutes behind them up the elevator. As my parents walk in ,father in law uncomfortably says" oh we were just going to text you guys the room number". All lies.
So they all visit, my parents leave because they see I am visibly sick, purple, swollen, nauseous, and need to get rest.. My damn in laws over stay their welcome because they have gifts for us to open. My husband passively opens the gifts quick and doesn't say "hey guys, please leave and you can come back tomorrow" directly. Finally they are leaving, my step mother in law says "oh little one you are so sweet. We want to take you home and mom and dad can stay in the hospital". After I just had been in labor for two three days not progressing, then a c section where my epidural failed so I felt them cutting me open, trying to wiggle a 10 pound baby out of my 5' 3 small frame and feeling them stitching me up. Needless to say at the end of the surgery thy doped me up pretty good so the afterwards I was pretty out of it. But what kind of woman after knowing all this, mentioning how awful I looked purple and swollen, says she "wants to take my child home and leave mom and dad at the hospital." Complete disrespect and just horribly inconsiderate.
You name it they have done it. I do not care for them. And im okay with that. I know there is no chance of me having a relationship with them but i do tolerate them because i love my husband. They have done things prior to the baby which we both let slide because we only see them once a month or two months. But more recently things they did at the hospital during my labor, (trying to get name tags to come up uninvited to my labor room only stopped because my father stopped them in their tracks, telling them.. "My daughter doesnt want me in the room, let alone you two".)and afterwards that have left me feeling disrespected as a mother, wife and overall as a person and have aggravated my husband as well. . I have always encouraged my husband to see his family and try to communicate with them. Unfortunately because of their controlling parenting styles, it has left my husband very passive with them and they have no communication whatsoever as far as disagreements and concerns. They get butthurt if you dont do what they want. Also a long time ago my husband asked me to let him handle his family and I would handle my parents. (I am not one to hold back my feelings and have pretty healthy communication with my parents. We can curse each other out, vent things out and resolve things pretty quickly. Thats how i was raised, to be honest and real.Sometimes the truth hurts kinda bit.My husbands upbringing is the complete opposite.. Avoid, deny, and go along with whatever his parents say.So a very superficial relationship.)
Now I see that I have allowed their ridiculous ness because I have been worried about making my husband feel uncomfortable in confronting them. So neither of us have confronted them. Also his two sisters are just as passive as he and have moved far far away to have as little contact with them as possible. So all the siblings are quite the avoiders of confrontation because his parents are so manipulative and controlling.
Since the birth of our baby, we have done nothing but fight over them but more so the failed promise of my husband setting them straight, that he has procrastinated on and has avoided like the plague.
My question is do I let my husband handle them in his own way. He had stated he will go talk with them this week at their house. Should I go with my husband or trust that he will communicate and address things by himself. Maybe me write a letter that he can read to them and then address his concerns as well?
Please be as honest and forward with me as possible ladies. Thanks in advance.