I lurk here to grow a spine with my ILs but since coming to this page I have confirmed what I always knew- My mom is not normal.
Details to prove this point will take many pages so I will provide more background as the need arises or if you need more information.
Background: I was raised in a religion and culture that insist upon respect for parents and maintaining family-ties but I'm already working on LC and hoping to work my way up to ELC.
My DH is CO from my family due to the crap they pulled on him after LO was born.
My mom is BSC, she claims to have had a nervous breakdown years ago and so her behavior is always excused. She has temper tantrums, makes everything about her, is obsessive, insulting, critical, unaffectionate etc.
I always put up with it because that's what I was used to, I grew up like that. When I had LO things changed, I realized how selfish and horrible she is and I put her on a TO. (pre DWIL)
Reading post here has shown me that my dad isn't the victim he made himself out to be, he is an enabler and has always put himself before us. He always made excuses for her and no matter how upset we were he always fed us the line- "She's your mother." We took all her physical and verbal beatings while he escaped to his life out of the house.
When I had LO I changed, before I visited I gave them a list of rules. The first visit went well-they behaved.
The second one ended abruptly because Mom and sister got into a screaming match. We left and skipped a few visit after that.
There was a whole blow up between my father and DH. My mum said some horrible things.
Since I resumed visits they have behaved.
After I found DWIL I started making changes. I didn't like going every week(which they complain is too little anyway) so everytime I didn't feel like going, I didn't. If they complained I come too little, I skipped the next visit.
So here's my current issue:
I haven't been there in a month-I intended to go tomorrow though.
Two weeks ago mom texted to ask if I'm coming, I replied "No, can't make it."
Two weeks of silence followed, I didn't go last week, I didn't say I'm not coming either.
Two days ago mom and I had this conversation via text:
Mom: Hi, how r u, you forgot us?
Me: I'm Oki and you?
Mom: you don't phone or message anymore?
Me: u2
Mom: it's your duty to keep in contact with your parents
I didn't know what to say, it made me feel guilty so I just didn't reply. However, I never use to phone and message before, she is just mad because I never visit I think.
How do I respond? They don't know that I'm resetting my normal meter. If I tell her I'm sick if her nonsense and I know what she did all these years was abuse, she will deny it or start crying and saying " oh I'm always wrong, I rather die, I should have just left you'll when you were small etc"
Then she'll take it out on my two younger siblings who still live at home. So its pointless talking to her I think.
What do I do?
P.S: I won't hairflip but I'm in a different timezone. I will definitely read all responses and reply whenever I can. I want advice. Also I apologized for Language errors.
Details to prove this point will take many pages so I will provide more background as the need arises or if you need more information.
Background: I was raised in a religion and culture that insist upon respect for parents and maintaining family-ties but I'm already working on LC and hoping to work my way up to ELC.
My DH is CO from my family due to the crap they pulled on him after LO was born.
My mom is BSC, she claims to have had a nervous breakdown years ago and so her behavior is always excused. She has temper tantrums, makes everything about her, is obsessive, insulting, critical, unaffectionate etc.
I always put up with it because that's what I was used to, I grew up like that. When I had LO things changed, I realized how selfish and horrible she is and I put her on a TO. (pre DWIL)
Reading post here has shown me that my dad isn't the victim he made himself out to be, he is an enabler and has always put himself before us. He always made excuses for her and no matter how upset we were he always fed us the line- "She's your mother." We took all her physical and verbal beatings while he escaped to his life out of the house.
When I had LO I changed, before I visited I gave them a list of rules. The first visit went well-they behaved.
The second one ended abruptly because Mom and sister got into a screaming match. We left and skipped a few visit after that.
There was a whole blow up between my father and DH. My mum said some horrible things.
Since I resumed visits they have behaved.
After I found DWIL I started making changes. I didn't like going every week(which they complain is too little anyway) so everytime I didn't feel like going, I didn't. If they complained I come too little, I skipped the next visit.
So here's my current issue:
I haven't been there in a month-I intended to go tomorrow though.
Two weeks ago mom texted to ask if I'm coming, I replied "No, can't make it."
Two weeks of silence followed, I didn't go last week, I didn't say I'm not coming either.
Two days ago mom and I had this conversation via text:
Mom: Hi, how r u, you forgot us?
Me: I'm Oki and you?
Mom: you don't phone or message anymore?
Me: u2
Mom: it's your duty to keep in contact with your parents
I didn't know what to say, it made me feel guilty so I just didn't reply. However, I never use to phone and message before, she is just mad because I never visit I think.
How do I respond? They don't know that I'm resetting my normal meter. If I tell her I'm sick if her nonsense and I know what she did all these years was abuse, she will deny it or start crying and saying " oh I'm always wrong, I rather die, I should have just left you'll when you were small etc"
Then she'll take it out on my two younger siblings who still live at home. So its pointless talking to her I think.
What do I do?
P.S: I won't hairflip but I'm in a different timezone. I will definitely read all responses and reply whenever I can. I want advice. Also I apologized for Language errors.