BG:
My FIL and I had a serious falling out a year ago, and since I've had him unofficial LC. I know before things came to a head he was becoming by BEC. Think boundary stomps into my personal life and marriage with DH, overt rudeness, gossip, manipulation, wedge driving etc. The dynamic was complicated/exacerbated by proximity (family business, saw each other daily) and DH having taking Duh stances. I can provide details and examples.
So, during my pregnancy, I stopped seeing him- couldn't work, I was on strict bedrest for almost 5 months. Now that LO is here, I am SAHM. So I rarely see FIL, and when I do, I'm cordial and do not engage.
On my DH's birthday weekend, FIL wanted to host a BBQ dinner for him/us. Also invited SIL/SILSO. I reluctantly agreed. I rationalized that I could feasibly have minimal interaction as I'd have to care for my newborn LO. It worked. Between nursing, changing and holding LO, I barely had to engage beyond the most superficial pleasantries.
Then at the end of the visit, FIL approached me and said, "Your a good mom."
For some reason this got under my skin-- For one, he has NO idea what kind of mom I actually am because this was the FIRST social visit he'd had with us. Second, after making serious accusations and attacking my character, claiming I was destroying 'our' family and being openly hostile, it seems more than disingenuous. Thirdly, I didn't ask for, or need his opinion or approval on how he perceives my quality of parenting.
I looked at him and said, "I know I am."
So, I know this may have been some type of tentative peace offering or an awkward acknowledgement, or just a generic thing that fell out of his mouth. But I resented it, and I still do. I felt like it was another, albeit, tiny example of him making assumptions and judgement on something that is none of his business.
Thoughts?
edited for format