My 5 month old son has craniosynostosis- basically his skull is misshapen and needs surgery on Dec 3rd.
Thanks to DWIL a couple years ago I grew a pretty shiny spine and effectively CO my PILs and dropped the rope with extended ILs. My DH had a very hard time at the beginning of our marriage but after his parents showed their stripes, was all for the CO and has proven himself to be in my corner more times than he ever should have had to. I chose to drop the rope with GMIL due to her passive/aggressive comments on facebook and her attempting to assert herself over me and my family. We see GMIL and GFIL sporadically and for very short amounts of time. This has resulted in a kind of stalemate between the two of us (GMIL and I) and for now, that's as good as it's going to get.
With my son's surgery coming up, GMIL has ramped up the crazy. My DH told his grandma about the procedure and diagnosis and was looking for support from SOMEONE in his family. Since then, it's all about the grandma show. She posts on FB about how this getting closer is just "making her sick with worry" and posts asking her women's groups for prayer. Then she stole pictures of him from my FB page and reposted them on hers saying "oh MY poor babbbyyyyy" "He's mine forever and ever" etc etc. So she's been blocked.
This is all for show. She lives 15 minutes away and has seen my son 4 times in his life. Never calls to see about my other kids. Never.
Here's my frustration: For 6 hours on Dec 3rd, my baby - yes MY baby - will be under anesthesia with a machine breathing for him while they cut apart his skull. This isn't ABOUT GRANDMA. This isn't about ME. This is about my BABY for God's sake. I know going into this that she will be updating MIL, since she informed MIL about the original diagnosis and surgery. I know that she will try to muscle her way into the recovery room. I know that there will be posts and posts all about her and how scaaary it is for her. . .
I am not trying to borrow trouble or create drama before this surgery. I want peace that day. I want to be surrounded by people who love me and my husband and our son. I want to be able to be vulnerable and afraid within the safety of my family. I DON'T WANT HER THERE. She has proven herself to be untrustworthy, undermining of my authority, dismissive of my preferences, and God help heo- but if she tries me that day, she'll have hell to pay.
My DH had a DuH moment and had invited her (before the fb post thing and before she reported back to MIL without our permission). He's had multiple conversations with this woman since then but never addressed the fb stuff or the MIL thing. So now as it gets closer, I'm getting more and more aggitated at the thought of her there that day. I've asked him if he would ask her not to come. I said to phrase it:
After our Prc-op visit and talking with the doctors, we've decided it's best for Z if there are no visitors while he is in the hospital. We'll let you know when it would be ok for you to visit him at home.".
DH says she will throw a fit and will likely show up anyway... So DWI-ers... What do I do?
