So I want for you all to decipher the meaning of what my auntIL said to me last night. It's at the bottom, this will be a long post.
I have my own feelings on this situation but I just want to see if I'm really blowing them out of proportion.
First, here's a little BG. ILs= boundary stompers, entitled, and close knit. DH and I draw boundaries, don't come to all family gatherings, and we are pretty assertive/independent. We don't let ILs watch our kids (2yo &5mo) unsupervised although they have 1-3x in the last 2 years.
I get the sense off one of his aunts in particular judges me, hates me, or just resents me at the very least. Lets call her J.
I think J most likely blames me for mutual decisions DH and I make for our own children. She constantly acts emotional around me which I try not to take personal but I'm not sure what her deal is entirely.
Anyway, at my daughters 2nd b-day we made her a really nice 100% organic cake. No regular sugar just raw organic honey and fruit. It was delicious though and made with love! We also had an Elmo piñata with cute and fun toys for the kids inside, also raisins and nuts but no candy. We had a bounce house and the party was all Elmo themed.
Apparently J asked if there was candy in the piñata and when my DH replied no she asked what was in there. He said toys and stuff and she asked if his balls were in there too. He went off on her and defended OUR choices even though she was trying to make it sound like it was all me.
In their mind they think I'm a f-ING dictator, not that my DH and I are on board with having boundaries to protect our kids. Or that we both care about our children's health.
Anyway, so when he told me what she said I was so upset. I just felt like this weird energy coming from her at the party and I guess that's why. I've never done anything to her and I thought there was no reason for her to be negative about our cute party.
More BG, I'm a SAHM and I have been out of work since shortly after I found out I was pregnant. My DH and I had this agreement prior to getting pregnant. Anyway he just lost his job. Its been leas than 2 mo since the party:
We have gone through this before and we worked together so well he had 2 jobs lined up a week later.
Anyway so yesterday my husband and I had a lot of stress to deal with. I spent all day on his résumé and application. We don't have Internet and we were hot spotting. 3 hours of work was basically flushed down the drain. I didn't want to go to his Moms because of my stress levels already but we went because we had to use their computer and printer.
The browser kept closing every time after I finished the app. It took me an hour each time. By the third or fourth time I was freaking out internally. Then I hear my MIL came home from church and she brought over J and her kids. I would have avoided this if I didn't have the browser issue.
Well I was ready to go and in no mood for pressure. I must have looked pissed. Normally I say hi and say I'm doing well but I was just packing up our things and trying to leave. I didn't say I felt well and I'm sure anyone with 2 brain cells would be able to tell that I was having a hard time with my DH loosing his job.
J asked me if I was going to x-mas instead of my DH, to pressure me because we aren't going to their celebration this year. She knew I was going to say no and wanted to make me squirm but I changed the subject and walked away from her energy field.
Now this is what I want you all to look at and tell me if I'm overreacting. She then proceeds (no DH around) to say,
"Have you thought about going back to work?" (Apparently she asked him earlier that night is OP going to get a job?)
I said "of course I have thought about it but that wasn't our plan. I have 2 small babies, one that is EBF and 5 months old. This has set us back but our plan was for me to go to school soon. Unless DH wanted to and then I would support him in that endeavor. " not only that but unlike kids our age (24) we don't have unnecessary bills or debt so we can live off very little.
Then she goes on to say, "well you could go back to work and MIL would be able to watch the babies." And starts talking about how she raised her kids (15/16yo). She left them with her family and she was so fortunate they didn't need to go to daycare.
She knows full well we don't let MIL watch the kids but I just said. "It's good to have support, not everyone has it." Then I proceeded to tell her about how my kids will only be small once and since I have two its important one of has an actual career, ideally before they start school. Instead of working a min wage job I could devout my energy to school and my kids. I told her how I never would have had kids I had to leave them even with family. I said that its great if someone else chooses that for themselves of course, but I personally want to be the one to care for them. She then proceeded to say, "I think that it's more important for parents to be there when they are teenagers." And started talking about how she raises her boys and how her Mom watches them and keeps them out of trouble.
I just said that every stage is important, even at my age we need our parents. The conversation eventually trailed off
After I left though I was super pissed and hurt. Am I wrong? What should I do? What do you think. I read between the lines with her comments but I'm wondering what you all think of what she said and I will go from there.
I may have to see her today and I'm not sure how I feel. I kind of never want to see her again....
If you made it through the novel thanks!
I have my own feelings on this situation but I just want to see if I'm really blowing them out of proportion.
First, here's a little BG. ILs= boundary stompers, entitled, and close knit. DH and I draw boundaries, don't come to all family gatherings, and we are pretty assertive/independent. We don't let ILs watch our kids (2yo &5mo) unsupervised although they have 1-3x in the last 2 years.
I get the sense off one of his aunts in particular judges me, hates me, or just resents me at the very least. Lets call her J.
I think J most likely blames me for mutual decisions DH and I make for our own children. She constantly acts emotional around me which I try not to take personal but I'm not sure what her deal is entirely.
Anyway, at my daughters 2nd b-day we made her a really nice 100% organic cake. No regular sugar just raw organic honey and fruit. It was delicious though and made with love! We also had an Elmo piñata with cute and fun toys for the kids inside, also raisins and nuts but no candy. We had a bounce house and the party was all Elmo themed.
Apparently J asked if there was candy in the piñata and when my DH replied no she asked what was in there. He said toys and stuff and she asked if his balls were in there too. He went off on her and defended OUR choices even though she was trying to make it sound like it was all me.
In their mind they think I'm a f-ING dictator, not that my DH and I are on board with having boundaries to protect our kids. Or that we both care about our children's health.
Anyway, so when he told me what she said I was so upset. I just felt like this weird energy coming from her at the party and I guess that's why. I've never done anything to her and I thought there was no reason for her to be negative about our cute party.
More BG, I'm a SAHM and I have been out of work since shortly after I found out I was pregnant. My DH and I had this agreement prior to getting pregnant. Anyway he just lost his job. Its been leas than 2 mo since the party:
We have gone through this before and we worked together so well he had 2 jobs lined up a week later.
Anyway so yesterday my husband and I had a lot of stress to deal with. I spent all day on his résumé and application. We don't have Internet and we were hot spotting. 3 hours of work was basically flushed down the drain. I didn't want to go to his Moms because of my stress levels already but we went because we had to use their computer and printer.
The browser kept closing every time after I finished the app. It took me an hour each time. By the third or fourth time I was freaking out internally. Then I hear my MIL came home from church and she brought over J and her kids. I would have avoided this if I didn't have the browser issue.
Well I was ready to go and in no mood for pressure. I must have looked pissed. Normally I say hi and say I'm doing well but I was just packing up our things and trying to leave. I didn't say I felt well and I'm sure anyone with 2 brain cells would be able to tell that I was having a hard time with my DH loosing his job.
J asked me if I was going to x-mas instead of my DH, to pressure me because we aren't going to their celebration this year. She knew I was going to say no and wanted to make me squirm but I changed the subject and walked away from her energy field.
Now this is what I want you all to look at and tell me if I'm overreacting. She then proceeds (no DH around) to say,
"Have you thought about going back to work?" (Apparently she asked him earlier that night is OP going to get a job?)
I said "of course I have thought about it but that wasn't our plan. I have 2 small babies, one that is EBF and 5 months old. This has set us back but our plan was for me to go to school soon. Unless DH wanted to and then I would support him in that endeavor. " not only that but unlike kids our age (24) we don't have unnecessary bills or debt so we can live off very little.
Then she goes on to say, "well you could go back to work and MIL would be able to watch the babies." And starts talking about how she raised her kids (15/16yo). She left them with her family and she was so fortunate they didn't need to go to daycare.
She knows full well we don't let MIL watch the kids but I just said. "It's good to have support, not everyone has it." Then I proceeded to tell her about how my kids will only be small once and since I have two its important one of has an actual career, ideally before they start school. Instead of working a min wage job I could devout my energy to school and my kids. I told her how I never would have had kids I had to leave them even with family. I said that its great if someone else chooses that for themselves of course, but I personally want to be the one to care for them. She then proceeded to say, "I think that it's more important for parents to be there when they are teenagers." And started talking about how she raises her boys and how her Mom watches them and keeps them out of trouble.
I just said that every stage is important, even at my age we need our parents. The conversation eventually trailed off
After I left though I was super pissed and hurt. Am I wrong? What should I do? What do you think. I read between the lines with her comments but I'm wondering what you all think of what she said and I will go from there.
I may have to see her today and I'm not sure how I feel. I kind of never want to see her again....
If you made it through the novel thanks!