Hi everyone, I have posted in the past about my ILs but won't link because its irrelevant to my current situation. This is my first post about my BSC FOO.
Background: Mom is a narcissist and dad an enabler, I spent my childhood observing their shouting matches, including verbal and physical abuse (to each other, not me or my sister). My mom had an affair when I was ten during which she bribed me to not say anything to my dad and would take me along as an alibi for her. They are both miserable in their marriage and my mom attempted suicide when I was a teenager, I was the one who went to the drug store to get her medicine to make her vomit up her overdose. Everything was and still is a secret between the four of us in my FOO, that is why they never got a divorce after the affair or went to the hospital for the overdose. They are rug sweepers and never actually fix any of their problems.
I was actually blind to all of this and LOVED my FOO because I bought into all of the dysfunction UNTIL LAST YEAR when the following happened. My husband and I had temporary jobs outside of our home state for the past 5 years. My FOO assumed that we would settle permanently in home state but my husband couldn't get a job anywhere nearby (closest job was 6 hours driving distance) and I never really wanted to go back to home state anyway. We chose a place to live/job that are perfect for our family but across the country. Cue BSC. Keep in mind my DH couldn't even find work nearby. My sister and parents spewed all sorts of hatred our way including the following gems:
1. You are selfish people who only care about yourselves, your priorities are just different than ours, we put family first, etc..
2. Your DH is manipulating you against us
3. You should choose the job 6 hours driving distance away, even though its not as good of a job at least you'll be closer to family
4. My sister: why didn't you even have our dad review DHs job contract, I did with mine, and you are a bad daughter who doesn't include him in anything
5. My dad: everyone that I know that is successful is only able to be so because they have family within 5 minutes driving distance to help with the kids. You guys will not be successful. So and so have the perfect situation five minutes from their FOO. All daughters in this country stay close to their FOO. Look at your own mom even though she was from home country she still visited her FOO more. Etc, etc.
6. My mom: We are getting older and need you around (they are mid 50s and 60s and in good health).
Keep in mind, my sister talks about moving away all the time, but for some reason when she does isn't selfish. And she says she would never consider moving near us because she dislikes our new area. I always tell her to do what is best for her little family. The hypocrisy kills me.
Since then, my family has been on LC except for my sister who I still talked almost daily to because I have a soft spot for her. It infuriates my husband because he feels disrespected by this and I accept my role as a DuW in this. She was my caretaker growing up though. When all the fighting was going on in the house, she was the only one who was worried about me, when I was sick to my stomach from the fighting or hiding in my room or crying. That is why I have a soft spot for her.
Ok so the most recent situation:
I was on the phone with my sister discussing whether or not I will be able to attend the birth of her child which she has 'summoned' me to. I mentioned that it might be better for me to stay back at a hotel or her house to watch her children and mine while she gives birth so she has nothing to worry about except her new baby and recovery. (She caused a lot of stress during one of my deliveries, called me at the hospital the day after I gave birth crying saying that no one cares about her, etc.) I said I don't want you to go through any extra stress like you and our entire family put me though (this could be a whole other thread). She went crazy about me not going to her delivery, says again that I am selfish and that her concern, unlike mine, would be her faaamily when she gives birth, not resting and recovering in the hospital like I so selfishly desired. And that if I don't remember, she had a miscarriage the day she hosted a small baby shower for me at a restaurant, so I have caused her a great deal of stress also and don't I forget that. (This is true, she did have a miscarriage the day of my babyshower which we didn't know about until later, but I supported her through it the best I could. And the baby shower was simply lunch at a restaurant for 10 our our family members. She did decorate and make a dessert though). At this point she was crying and hysterical, I was so frustrated at getting nowhere with her and never getting any apology, only more blame. I was just trying to find ways to be helpful for her delivery. She hung up on me and texted me something to the effect of "hope you have a nice life." She has been on TO ever since for the last month with several attempts to talk to me and my children BH including texts addressed to them in an attempt to be cute and sweep things under the rug. Also, a couple of "I am SORRY for whatever I did, I always have to be the bigger person" texts. She also said "I guess we had different visions for our future and I will just have to get over any hopes of raising our kids together." I can't get over the fact that she blamed her miscarriage on me. Today she texts my husband which I knew would be coming. (He responded with a lot of JADEing, he is a major unicorn, and I was not with him otherwise he would not have responded as such). The texts are as follows. Please help me decipher these texts and figure out this situation with my sister. Am I at fault? Is she? How should we proceed?
Thank you in advance.
Sis text to my DH: hey. hope you are well. i've tried to call OP several times and she wants nothing to do with us anymore. I just want to know if everything is ok, if you could just let me know. thanks
DH: We are doing fine. Thanks for asking.
Sis: so you're upset with us too?
DH: That's a tricky question. I'd prefer you talk to OP at some point. I love you guys so does OP. But sometimes it's more complicated
Sis: that's great
so you heard her side of the story only?
that's fine. things have been weird with us for awhile now and i guess that won't change
sorry i'll stop bothering you
i guess if you guys are ok with it then i will be too
at least i tried