Background: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a43612861/so_livid
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a44315200/interesting_conversation_with_sil
More: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a44558302/you_guys_were_right..._i_have_a_duh_problem
My parents and I have had issues that I've identified as scapegoat. There are a host of other issues, including that I am expected to take things like my mother yelling at me in a car, telling me that I am acting like a jackass (while my daughter is in the backseat), my parents attempted to feed my daughter food that she doesn't like because they couldn't believe she hates meat.
I had to give my parents who are coming to visit a heads up about some of the stuff that happened when Duh's mother came to visit, including that he's decided since I objected that his mother wanted to stay at our place when I wanted to sleep (when I told him that I will not talk to his mother alone and he agreed to watch our interactions) so now my parents when they come up have to leave the house when I leave.
(When we left my mother alone with our 1 year old daughter, she attempted to pinch her for feeding the dogs. This was CO worthy but we agreed to limited contact, no more than a three day visit once a year, and NEVER EVER to allow her a chance to be alone with our children. We were not willing to CO my father which is what would have happened. I actually see this decision as ... somewhat logical but done for the wrong reasons- trying to punish me instead of being a healthy reaction.)
My mom started scolding me for not being 'kind' to his mother and said I should just insist that she's lying. She said that she's very disappointed in me and that I was not raised to do things like this.
"I'm so sorry you didn't raise me to have a backbone and I had to discover it on my own," was my response.
She told me not to dwell on his mother lying about me. "I'm not living in the lie, I'm moving forward with the knowledge that she lies, gossips and creates drama. I'm refusing to give her the chance to do so." (Another time that my mother accused me of dwelling was when less than 48 hours after discovering that I had patio furniture stolen by a neighbor who was displaying it on his patio and I wanted to figure out if calling the cops was logical. She yelled at me that I needed to get over being robbed and stop dwelling on it. Dwelling is her word for trying to figure out a logical response or talking enough time to process logically what the right answer is.)
You ladies have done a real service. I've told my mother that DuH does not come down to their house because they have visable mold and he has asthma. DD is also allergic to mold and that we will not visit until they give me written proof that they have treated the mold problem. Honestly, I know that I will not visit them unless they move as the doublewide isn't worth fixing.
DuH said I was selfish and controlling for saying that his mother figured a go around and split us when I told her not to bring drinks and she called specifically to ask to bring them. I told him there is a slight difference between being selfish and putting myself first. And the cokes were hot.