I am not sure if this is the correct board for this so I apologize if this belongs elsewhere but I could really use some honest advice or opinions...
My sister is one of my best friends and obviously I love her very much and want her to be happy. Around 4 years ago she met a 'man' who she fell in love with and was engaged to in 6 months, married in a year. The first time I met him (prior to the start of the relationship) he wouldn't leave her alone and kept bugging her to go out with him. Not in a cute way but a really really annoying way. So I finally told him to Back. The .Fuck. Off.and leave her alone. She would go out with him if and when she wanted to! (Exact words) He persisted buying her things and wooing her until she went out with him and you know the rest...
Sooo many huge red flags popped up throughout their relationship and I kept telling her to RUN like she was on fire but she never listened. Even when he flipped his shit on her (in front of me) because she wanted to surprise him with a stupid cutesy 'I love you' card in his mailbox because she was 'sneaking around and lying to him'... Wtf.
FF to rehearsal dinner he yelled at and belittled her for seating arrangements in front of everyone and made her cry. She Admitted to me she didn't want to marry him but didn't think she had a choice now etc...
Now three years later she has finally packed up her shit, gotten a lawyer and signed a one year lease on a nice condo in a good area. I have been there through it all. She came to this decision because after years of verbal/emotional abuse she finally couldn't take it anymore and filed for divorce. Well since she moved out she has been talking to him. And guess what? ITS A FUCKING MIRACLE! He is a changed man! Halle fucking lujah! He is saying all the right things and she thinks she did the wrong thing by leaving. Omfg. I understand she is an abused woman and he has really, really fucked her head up. But My question is this - what the fuck am I supposed to do?? I cannot make her go to counseling. I cannot make her see reason. I cannot make her listen to the friends and family that see what she has been going through and how absolutely BSC her Husband is.
She has been miserable for YEARS. She's lost a TON of weight and didn't have any to lose in the first place. She is depressed and anxious and always making excuses for him as to why it's 'her fault' that he treats her so terribly. Yes he calls her a fucking selfish bitch on a daily basis but she is 'very sensitive'. Yes he criticizes her gorgeous body and says she's fat and needs to lose weight (she used to model and still should and she's 5'6" and might be 100 lbs) but she hasn't been going to the gym as much... You see my point. Her excuse for staying? Well he isn't that bad ALL of the time and he isn't usually home... SMH.
I can't watch this shit show again. If she goes back to him what do I do? I won't see him again. I absolutely won't have him around my son and won't have him around my daughter when she is born in January. And I don't want them exposed to such a disgusting, toxic relationship. But how do I say this to her without it sounding like an ultimatum? Your husband or your sister? Sounds ridiculous. Can I just abandon her when I know she will need someone? Is this further abuse to an abused woman or am I enabling the abuse?
My sister is one of my best friends and obviously I love her very much and want her to be happy. Around 4 years ago she met a 'man' who she fell in love with and was engaged to in 6 months, married in a year. The first time I met him (prior to the start of the relationship) he wouldn't leave her alone and kept bugging her to go out with him. Not in a cute way but a really really annoying way. So I finally told him to Back. The .Fuck. Off.and leave her alone. She would go out with him if and when she wanted to! (Exact words) He persisted buying her things and wooing her until she went out with him and you know the rest...
Sooo many huge red flags popped up throughout their relationship and I kept telling her to RUN like she was on fire but she never listened. Even when he flipped his shit on her (in front of me) because she wanted to surprise him with a stupid cutesy 'I love you' card in his mailbox because she was 'sneaking around and lying to him'... Wtf.
FF to rehearsal dinner he yelled at and belittled her for seating arrangements in front of everyone and made her cry. She Admitted to me she didn't want to marry him but didn't think she had a choice now etc...
Now three years later she has finally packed up her shit, gotten a lawyer and signed a one year lease on a nice condo in a good area. I have been there through it all. She came to this decision because after years of verbal/emotional abuse she finally couldn't take it anymore and filed for divorce. Well since she moved out she has been talking to him. And guess what? ITS A FUCKING MIRACLE! He is a changed man! Halle fucking lujah! He is saying all the right things and she thinks she did the wrong thing by leaving. Omfg. I understand she is an abused woman and he has really, really fucked her head up. But My question is this - what the fuck am I supposed to do?? I cannot make her go to counseling. I cannot make her see reason. I cannot make her listen to the friends and family that see what she has been going through and how absolutely BSC her Husband is.
She has been miserable for YEARS. She's lost a TON of weight and didn't have any to lose in the first place. She is depressed and anxious and always making excuses for him as to why it's 'her fault' that he treats her so terribly. Yes he calls her a fucking selfish bitch on a daily basis but she is 'very sensitive'. Yes he criticizes her gorgeous body and says she's fat and needs to lose weight (she used to model and still should and she's 5'6" and might be 100 lbs) but she hasn't been going to the gym as much... You see my point. Her excuse for staying? Well he isn't that bad ALL of the time and he isn't usually home... SMH.
I can't watch this shit show again. If she goes back to him what do I do? I won't see him again. I absolutely won't have him around my son and won't have him around my daughter when she is born in January. And I don't want them exposed to such a disgusting, toxic relationship. But how do I say this to her without it sounding like an ultimatum? Your husband or your sister? Sounds ridiculous. Can I just abandon her when I know she will need someone? Is this further abuse to an abused woman or am I enabling the abuse?